Partner not paying his way

wombatt

I have a problem not unlike yours,altho my boyfriend has a job but self employed, he at the moment not getting much in the way of work and when he does he(reluctantly) give's me at the odd time £180.00 for my horses keep. but really dont like to tell me that he even got paid. He makes it harder by walking out when i ask him about helping me, one way or another(housework etc ) but seems all he is concerned about is that he gets up gos on the computer until about 11ish and then go's out to his club and has a drink. then gos to another pub on the way nearer home. I have told him lots of times and i dont know why it like water off a ducks back. He asks me for money if he runs out. i now say no i have not got any. I have had him living with me for now 2 years and he has not giving me anything towards the bills. he tells me that he cooks my meals and takes me out for a drink .... well i work 6 days 12 hour days and dont get much time to go out for drinks etc, dont remember when he last took me out either. I asked him to pay into my bank 400 a month and i would do the same ... that fell on deaf ears too. I know what you thinking I really do and if a mate of mine was to tell me this i know what i would tell them..I did wonder if it was me expecting too much with the situation with work now. but he could help me at least wash up. go on tell me what i already know. iam a fool, I think I will give him a time limit (in my head), but if i do he will have nowhere to live. Do i love him like you it is very wearing and testing me out, thats for sure


yours in a bit of a mess
wombat

Glad

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Tish_P

Does he contribute in non-monetary ways while he isn't earning? Like, when you come home from work is the washing done and the cat fed and grandma's birthday card remembered? Or is the garden pretty, has he mended the dripping tap or hemmed the fraying curtains or used whatever his particular talents are to improve things? How about offering you emotional support (that's a contribution too)?

If the answer is yes, he contributes, I'd say give him a chance. If no, and there aren't serious underlying medical issues, he's taking the p and should raise his game or pack his bags.

Plans_all_plans

Do you also use his car? Is the car ESSENTIAL for his job? If yes to both of these, then I think you should carry on supporting him.

If the answers to these questions are no, then I think you need to have a talk to him.

rachbc

How about agreeing to share the car running costs if he shares the house running costs - saves you feeling burdened with all the responsibilty and means he can't use the car as an excuse to not cough up. And from the sounds of it putting a few quid a month aside into a contingency pot seems like a good plan too...

savingmummy

He needs to help pay his way imo!
I would also suggest he has an emergency fund for the car so if it needs money thrown at it he has something to use.

If my DH`s car breaks down then tough, it has to wait until he can afford it - Home comes first!
How about public transport or work friends until he can afford to pay for iut to be fixed?

Becles

Definitely have a talk and nip problems in the bud at an early stage.

In my last relationship I felt the finances were unequal as he was putting approx 45% of his salary into the household budget, while I was putting all of mine in. I felt really jealous when he was spending cash on beer and gadgets, while I just getting by with no money left over to spend on myself.

It built up over the years into a huge issue that came to a head in April when our child tax credits were slashed due to the changes, but he refused to pay anything extra to cover the deficit.

I really regret not sorting the finances out properly in the first place.