Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

whiteguineapig

i am hoping you are feeling more positive now
things always look worse in the middle of the night!!

Savvy_sewing

Well to be honest I am not feeling very positive at all.
I have taken DGD to Nursery, we scraped through the door at 9.02am.
I have washed up, and put a load of washing on. Now I am having a slice of toast and a cuppa, before I assess what I need to do today.
Luckily I do not have to go out anywhere until collecting DGD at 3pm. When I will need to get some Butter/marg before we come home. Which is not a problem as Nursery is only round the corner from a mini supermarket.
BF has responeded that he will have his dinner before he is coming over, so that signifies he will probably not come until DGD is in bed or about to be.
So I will pace myself to deal with the jobs.
But the first job I want to do, is for my pleasure. I am going to try and sew. That is one of my passions and I think that I will lift my spirits if I can try. I havent sat at the sewing machine in quite a while.
Then I will try and divide the jobs into sections so that I do a bit, stop, rest and do a bit.
The neck is aching somewhat as I didnt have my collar on to go to the nursery. Left it in the bathroom!! Oh well, I will put it on when I sew and see if that helps. Tomorrow I see the physio and I will ask about more instructions on when/how to wear the thing. Apart from I must wear it at night.
I am as always trying to bring the positivity back into the picture. Its not easy when your not in the happy position of knowning all the facts and reasons and second guessing.
Time to finish my breakfast and move on.

Savvy_sewing

Well I feel more positive now.
Managed to do some sewing, wearing my collar, which was strange, but it helped. I finished the bunting I have been trying to make since August! How terrible is that.
Molly came over for a cuppa when she had to go to the Chemist. We had a natter and that cheered me up no end.
I got the washing done and out on the line and i am about to try and peel some potatoes! mmm not something I am good at, and make a potato and leek soup I think. I hope.

Savvy_sewing

BF came over but it was not a very joyous evening. We did talk, which is quite hard to initiate with him. But he didnt really tell me anything that I didnt figure out already.
It was hard going. I am not confident of anything being changed overnight thats for sure. At least he knows what I am thinking at the moment, (well most of it). I didnt say I had come to the end of the road, but if he cannot show a bit more attention then I think that it will have to be.
Oh dear. Thats not exactly lifting my spirits.
Time to get DGD ready for Nursery. I have physio this morning and the doctors this afternoon. YUK

MatyMoo

Sending hugs Mooloo.

Savvy_sewing

MatyMoo wrote: »

Sending hugs Mooloo.

Thanks.

Well Physio went well, it was a bit painful, but the freedom of movement was noticeable. She said that the Xray only shows the bones, and they are normal, which is good. But it doesnt show the discs, or the nerves or the muscles that cause the troubles I have with my face and arm.
I see the doctor later.
My eldest, Biggest of Mooloo came over, with DS to do some more things in the house and garden for me. But they always seem to be leaving in a hurry for something else.
My spare mobile (the 99p one) has been commandeered by DS as his all singing and dancing phone has run out of battery,and he cannot find his charger. So I doubt I will see that one again.
Never mind.
He did some more digging, tried to fix the broken fence, but I dont have the right stuff.
I really need to borrow a rotavator.!
We all had my homemade Leek and potato soup for lunch. So I am glad that I made it. Sandwiches for all would have been difficult and much more expensive with cheese and ham etc.
Mind you I have Paid for the work, to help out with the fact that they need money and so I want work for it, and not just handing it over.
The beds are all changed, the washing moved in, out and on.
The storage box of bedding sorted and reduced. odd stuff taken away for the twins.
DGD's toys etc cleared through and her room worked on.
The front garden has had somemore digging done, and the Cafe net curtain that I have had for months for my Kitchen has been put up. (Although it needs a bit of adjusting, but I am not going to worry about that at the moment.). Slowly things will be done now.

minimoneysaver

It's a shame to hear that you are doubting the relationship with your BF again. From memory I think he reads these threads, or at least did in the past. Maybe you could talk about your relationship moving on and becoming a friendship if neither of you are very happy with the current set up. At least it leaves you both free to move on guilt free if that is what you want and if you don't, you'll still have the friendship of each other. You've gone through a lot together. Is it possible you are suffering from Autumn blues? I know that you're in a lot of pain, with an awful lot on your plate at the moment and maybe feeling that you are not able to give enough to your BF is adding to the stress.

Savvy_sewing

Hi, yes he used to read the threads but did tell me he had long stopped.
I have talked to him, and I try to shower him with my love and attention. (It is shrugged off sometimes.) But he is not all bad I agree. I am just frustrated that he is there and i am here, and we are nearly 8 years down the line. I just wished to see a bit more commitment to me I suppose, and to see a bit more compasion and care/consideration I suppose. Although he will probably say that his staying away when I am unwell is to let me rest. I would like someone to just bring me a cuppa and a biscuit. or give my shoulders a massage. (He used to but doesnt anymore). To stop the extra night, or let me stop there an extra night.
The problem is my granddaughter, apparantly. So if he cannot come to terms with her being with me for the rest of her childhood, then I cannot see how we can move forward, thats all.
Yes my Autumn/pain blues may be part of the reason I am again questioning things.
I am just worried that I am more of a convenience then a "wanted" or "needed" in his relationships.
My insecurity I suppose, rearing its ugly head. Anyway I have tried to explain it to him, although I didnt say I would end it. I just said that I was not happy about all of these things, and that I couldnt see how it was going to change if he hasnt already. he has had 18 months to know that DGD is staying with me on a permanant basis.
He has been aware that I have been ill since 2008, and that it was a progressive problem, and not a temporary one. I cannot turn back the clock and be the fit, dancing, whirlwind that I was then. The dynamic business woman etc etc. Alas I am not that person anymore.

Anyway on a different note, I am feeling a little better since the physio. The doctor has been updated, and I will have to go back in November, but hopefully that will show an improvement by then.
We have had to re start my solifenic again, so thats even more tablets to take again. Such is life.

Savvy_sewing

Morning,
At last a reasonable nights sleep, only up twice, and straight back to sleep.
New meds do say can cause drowsyness, so with that, my Sleep Mist, and all the other tablets that i am on. I actually had a decent nights sleep. Yipee.
Today I am going to see twin1, with DGD and take her to see her mums new flat. Probably have to get some of her stuff from one place to the other, but I am not going to lift a thing.
I also do want to try and go to town to see the charity shop and see howmuch thier white goods are.
Time to get a move on.

MatyMoo

:j Yay to a decent nights sleep :j

A few more of them and you will feel so much better