Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

MrsAtobe

Thirty tablets? Wow, I thought I had to take a lot, and I'm only on 23!

If ever we're in the same room, we won't need a pair of maracas, we'll just need to jiggle our tummies around a bit! :rotfl:

Savvy_sewing

Well I did have a reasonably better sleep. Or at least when I woke up, I went back to sleep reasonably soon.
I managed to hang on till this morning to take my tablets, but only as i was flat on my back and not moving. (except for the loo!).
Molly said to take my tablets with me to the ATOS medical, and dump the carrier bag full on the desk and say this is this months supply. Except by the time I go, the cupboard will be empty as I am due to replace them 2 days later.! So the effect will not be the same.!
Maybe I will try and get them earlier.? But with the weekend in the middle I am not sure I can. Dates etc.

I shall indeed be looking on Freegle, freecycle, and all the rest of the things. We have had a small fridge come forward. Well not the fridge itself you understand. (Now I have a picture of a fridge walking, or jumping to attention!- all present and correct!!).

We are running late this morning as I have been on here longer then I would normally be. Also DGD didnt go to sleep till after 9pm so she has only just woken up. I didnt want to wake her, she is grumpy gran then!
Time to get breakfast and get a move on. She is off to Nursery in less then an hour and as usual I am sitting here in my pj's and dressinggown.

*Robin*

Mooloo wrote: »

Molly said to take my tablets with me to the ATOS medical, and dump the carrier bag full on the desk and say this is this months supply. Except by the time I go, the cupboard will be empty as I am due to replace them 2 days later.! So the effect will not be the same.!
Maybe I will try and get them earlier.? But with the weekend in the middle I am not sure I can. Dates etc.

Great idea - save the empty boxes in case you can't 're-stock' early, then at least you'll be able to give them an idea of the medication you have to take every month.

And Good Luck with the medical, we'll all be rooting for you!

Savvy_sewing

Well if the powers to be at ATOS could see me now, they would pass me straight away. I can hardly even stand up straight at the moment. Have over done it. Went to Banbuyry to get a dress for my other granddaughters Christening. The walking is too much. Even with my stick. My neck is also sore. But at least I have a new dress, and so does Biggest of Mooloo.. Which is my present to her for her Birthday which is on Saturday. Its all happening this weekend.
Feeling a bit better then an hour ago though.!
Just cooking some Scooby Doo pasta for DGD. Her favourite. I shall have a ready made Chilli. Should have been making a stir fry and using up all the fresh vegetables that are filling the kitchen. Oh well.
We have contacted the furniture charity outlet in Daventry. Told them how much I could afford to donate to them, and asked if they could help with anything for Twin 1's new flat. They have come up trumps with the offer of a double bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers, bedside cabinet, table, chairs and a coffee table as well as some rugs.!
One of Biggests of Mooloo's friends has come up with a small fridge. So we can concentrate on the cooker, the washing machine and the curtainpoles, rails and curtains etc. Then the kitchen pots and pans etc, which she has some of, (some belong to the place she is in). So we should be able to have her kitted out by the end of next week. Fingers crossed.

My Mooloo "cow" buttons have arrived from Hongkong. So I will have my little symbol for anything that i manage to get sewn. Fingers crossed that I get started soon. Hopefully tomorrow.

Savvy_sewing

Jo4 wrote: »

I thought this thread might be useful to you/your daughter! I hope you get a better nights sleep tonight!

Thanks Jo. I will take a proper look as soon as we measure the windows.

Savvy_sewing

Well its 3.30 in the morning and here I am again.! Sleep evading me as the brain whirls. At least its not the aches and pains keeping me awake.
The neck collar is doing its job, be it horrible.
Weird and wonderful dreams between the bouts of restlessness seem to keep me wondering where did they come from? Why? I am terrible at trying to work out what the hell they mean. I should try and forget them and not think about them then there would be one or two less stupid things going around in my head.!
Anyway I am awake.
BF is actually aiming to come over this evening/Wednesday evening, which is a rarety, and I think its probably more to do with me starting to ask Why we are still in this relationship and going no where. Lets hope he will open up and talk rather then leave it all to texts!.
But we have been here before, I feel unsettled, we decide to carry on as we are for a bit longer, until the time to move on (forward) is right. Except I dont think that time is ever going to be right, and now I feel that the amount of time we are spending together is getting less and less. The fact that I have DGD is the main problem although he will not go out and say that directly.
But I have her, and that is the only option open to me. If I had to choose between her and him now, I would have to choose her. 2 years ago, it was touch and go, and I would have said I would have probably thought differently. I certainly gave it a lot of thought, but now. I cannot imagine life without her, and loosing the boys is one thing. To loose her, is another.
So I can understand that it was not the situation he wanted, that the freedom to go out, to take a weekend away at a moments notice is gone. To go to the pub, to go for "romantic" walks down the river, and the canals, take a ride out in his two seater car, have all gone for now.
Those are the things he mentioned he wanted in his text last night. (Only after I kept questioning him though. Its like trying to get blood out of a stone sometimes.).
I have tried to keep my termoil about us at the back of my mind and let time take its course, but the last few days I have been uneasy, and wondering about things. The problems with my health really sparked it off for me this time. He keeps telling me to "take Care" but that I need someone to care and support me, and that I am not what he needs. Well we have been there before. Who says you fall in love with someone you should. Why would I want to even think about anyone else when i am in love with him?
He seemed to be settled with DGD on our holiday. She didnt seem to be in the way? So I do not know why its suddenly the reason for the "distance" I was beginning to feel. I think that it is really my health that is the issue. He has had 2 years to get used to the idea of DGD, or if you want to be precise, 18months from when we decided that she was not going to be living with her aunty but staying with me.
He has also admitted a few weeks ago that "I am not good around sick people". Well thats the crux isnt it. I am not the longlegged blonde bombshell that he met nearly 8 years ago. I do not have high heels and a sexy wiggle! I have flat shoes, and a walking stick, a rather unglamourous neck collar, and enough pain killers to supply a chemist.!
Strangely one of his texts was to say that " he worked to live, not lived to work", and I thought that that was a rather strange reason to say why we were not seeing much of each other these days. He always did work, but used to come to spend time with me more when I lived in the pub in derbyshire, he would come 120 miles. So why cannot he come 23 miles door to door now? He is in the same job? Works in the same place, and now all his children have grown up and two of them have left home. (One has just come back from Uni), but he does his own thing any way.?
Granted I used to go to him on a mid week day, to go to the pub and do the quiz etc, but that stopped long before DGD came to live with me, becuase he didnt want to go anymore, so I was driving over there and going to bed really. We took into consideration the cost of petrol, and he decided that I should save my money as i needed it, and go over alternate weekends.
I dont know. This will just all go around and around and around. I will shove it to the back of my mind again and then when I least expect it, up it will pop and the insecurity will rear its ugly head all over again.
I am like a yo-yo. Do I love him enough to stay? Well I have/do so far. But then I also feel that if I am not what he wants, not the person he wants to spend his waking days with, not the person he wants to come home too, then I am flogging a dead horse really, and should break away completely and free up my weekends. See the family more, and just let life come to me. But I also fear having nobody in my life and as i get older that seems an even dimmer prospect then just 24 hours a week! Oh how sad am I!!!!!
Cup of tea time!

carpedieme

Hi Mooloo, seems neither of us can sleep, a daily occurence for me! Sometimes its better to be alone than in an unsatisfactory non supportive relationship, you have enough problems and challenges in your life. Concentrate on yourself and your own health and family, there are plenty more fish in the sea:D best of luck:)

Molly41

You are not sad my friend, you are too good for him and unappreciated x

carpedieme

I second that molly

Savvy_sewing

Well I did get some sleep. Oddly enough my dreams were wrong as they were about the childrens father? We divorced 17 years ago! I certainly do not hold a torch for him at all, he is really a walking disaster and is rather fat too boot!. So god knows why he was in the dreams. Mind you he was sleeping in a caravan and not at home, in the dream!. So strange.
Anyway I am awake, sluggish but awake.
Time for a shower to try and shake off of the dust of the night, and drag myself into the day.
My back is as stiff as a board from walking more then usual. I had heat pads on it earlier, but they havent really done any magic. Well if they have I havent noticed!.
I will have to talk to the BF this evening whether its uncomfortable or not.
Thanks for the messages. Its easy on paper isnt it. On paper its time to walk, with my friends and family, its probably the same. As those around me that love me, want me to be cared for and supported. (Well I am not sure the twins do, they dont understand anything out side of thier little world).
My sister and her partner came over from France to collect a bathroom suit, but only stopped off at my parents for 30 minutes, so I missed them. Another 2 years before i get another chance to see them!.
Oh well, thats the busy life people lead these days.