Mooloo's New Home, New Year and New Start part 3

newyearnewme_2

Ps. Hope the amazement is a good one and not a bad one?

Yes perhaps wonderment would be a better word how you cope with evrything life throws you and you look after your family so well when many may have walked away!

Savvy_sewing

newyearnewme wrote: »

Ps. Hope the amazement is a good one and not a bad one?

Yes perhaps wonderment would be a better word how you cope with evrything life throws you and you look after your family so well when many may have walked away!

Trust me, it has crossed my mind.!!
I am no saint. I am often at the end of my tether. Think about the what if I didnt do this? Where would I have been by now? What would I have been doing or could I be doing now? Trust me it all goes through my mind when i am having my darker moments, or that call comes in from one of the kids in a pickle.!
I am happy for twin1 to be given a flat away from where she is, but with no advanced warning, there is a million things that will need to be sorted out, and it will not be her that does it!. So now all of a sudden when i should be thinking of the baby's christening at the weekend, and Biggest of Mooloo's birthday, in a week, Now I have to think about cancelling electric accounts, setting up new ones, changing telephone and broadband, and TV licenses.
Getting carpets, curtains and furniture,
and bedding, and eveerything else she will need.

All she will be thinking about is getting the keys on Monday and will want to be living in it by Monday night~!

Not only will that not really be practical, it will leave her vunerable to those "helpers" who will then try to extortion money out of her for their so called help. It will cost money to do all of this and she doesnt get her JSA until Thursday. Then that is another issue.
She has to go to Sign on at 2pm and the houisng officer insisted she has to be there to get the keys at 2.30pm (some hours bus drive away), and that she wouldnt shift the time of the collection. Signing of the contract. All has to be done immediately. There is no time to research the buildings, the area properly. No time to decided if she would be better there or staying where she is.
NO chance of another place probably if she says no. So they have you buy the proverbials. Which means that she has to change her signing on time, and thats thwart with difficulties and will delay her money more often then not.

Now thats the time when I really just want to WALK AWAY!! Cos I know it will take it out of me. Financially as well as physically. I see my Savings/Christmas pot dissappearing, and it is sods law that I just had to part with just short of £150 for the council tax problems and court costs for twin2 this week.
:eek:

I will let you know if I decide finally to walk!!:(

Savvy_sewing

Its 4 in the morning, and I cannot sleep.
I have been up for an hour now, and awake for over two. Even then I have had a fitfull night before that, being up and down to the loo no end!. Not being able to settle with the collar feeling as if its choking me, and the pains in my shoulder/centre back really attacking me. That must be the damp weather homing in on me for the winter ahead.! eek.
I had a relaxing 24 hours at BF's, although yesterday afternoon, I had to have an hours lie down before I came back home. He kindly kept an eye on DGD for me. She was playing very well at his house. If only she would do the same here. ! Oh well thats the way it goes. I will just have to remain firm and consistant.
This morning the Social worker from the fostering team is coming to see me, to let me know whats happening. This is the DGD's one.
I have a busy week ahead, with Twin1 on the move.
Biggest of Mooloo's birthday, and the baby's Christening at the weekend.
My SIL's birthday as well.
I am worred about DS as he needed more money yesterday and I was not around to help, and his twin sisters both refused or couldnt help him. I fear that he is being foolish, and has not been signing on and getting what is due to him. His work has dried up, and the family he is living with are still needing and demanding money from him. I realise he must pay his way, but also I see on Facebook that he works hard in the guys allotments and does housework around the place there as well. So they are getting help from him. He is not just a drain on them for meals.
My brain is a complete whirl if the truth be known and I am still torn apart about the boys. I still wish that I could bring them home, and no amount of myself telling myself that its all for the best is working.
I need to be practical, sort out something for Biggests birthday and the Christening this weekend, start to gear up for Christmas, and to prepare for the worst if I loose my ESA due to the medical and all the stories that you hear, and the new criteria. Although at the moment my health is deteriorating faster then I could have believed possible. I have no idea why when I have stopped doing most things, and have been very careful to try and pace myself and to get help around the house and with DGD.
I am in fear that this guardianship is taking so long and that I will not be allowed to keep DGD in the end as I am struggling sometimes. Loosing her is not an option. (Dispite sometimes wanting to turn back the clock and walk away-when she is being unrually and screaming her head off in a tantrum in the middle of the street etc!! But what parent isnt the same in those situations!).
I look forward to her grandad having her again soon!.
I am not superwoman, I need help these days and that is a fact that I am finding very hard to come to terms with. I have always been such a self sufficiant kind of person and to rely on others is not something that comes naturally to me. But over the years has become more and more of a necessity. It brings on Frustration and a longing for my health to return and to be back in the work place and on top of my game once more. But that is a dream that will not come true, and facing that fact is nigh on impossible at the moment.
So what are my alternatives, what will get me sleeping at night?
(and no I will not take sleeping tablets on top of all the concoctions that I am already on!).
Peace of mind is a hard thing to comeby with my lot.
I worry unnecessarily perhaps, but is that not what a mum does?
My friend who recently lost her son is in a worse position then me, and I must remember that. There is always someone worse off then ourselves and it would do me good to remember that at times.
I mustnt feel sorry for myself. I dont. I am just frustrated!.
I need to find new goals, new dreams and a new focus that is achievable. Something to keep me busy and to keep my mind off of the niggly things that are keeping me awake today, and other nights thats for sure.
I may as well do my banking while I am up. I always try to put 10% of any income across into the savings pot before anything else comes out of the money. I might as well do that while I am on the computer. Then I will need to stop as all this typing is just aggravating my aches and pains. The tablets should kick in soon, and I hopefully will get a couple of hours sleep soon. I will go and try again anyway.

MrsAtobe

Things always seem worse when you're not sleeping properly. Can you ask the GP for another type of collar? Now I don't know whether you could take these, but have a look at 5-HTP, it'a precursor to serotonin(sp?) and helps me sleep.

Have some dodgy hugs from me :grouphug:

Savvy_sewing

MrsAtobe wrote: »

Things always seem worse when you're not sleeping properly. Can you ask the GP for another type of collar? Now I don't know whether you could take these, but have a look at 5-HTP, it'a precursor to serotonin(sp?) and helps me sleep.

Have some dodgy hugs from me :grouphug:

Thanks,
I am seeing my doctor on Thursday afternoon, to get the results of my Xray and to see about my persistant bladder problems, so I will also mention the lack of sleep to him. Not heard of 5-HTP I shall have to investigate. Thanks for the concern, and the ideas. !
I am on so much medication that I worry about getting anymore. I already take a carrier bag worth a month.! 30 tablets a day at the moment.
I managed about an hour more sleep, between 6.15ish and 7.25 when DGD came in and woke me up.
Molly has offered to take DGD to nursery for me, so I can be a bit less overloaded this morning and just concentrate on getting her dressed. I can dress after she is gone. Although I will have to put the electric on emergency and top it up later.
50p left at the moment.
Thats 25p used up in the night since I went back to bed at 4.30.
With just appliances ticking on, and my electric heat pad. So it must be using a good amount of electric on its own.
:eek:

Savvy_sewing

Well the flat is quite nice. Lovely Juliet balcony. The kitchen is tiny and off of the sitting room, with an integral bathroom. But she will at least have a shower now. The only snag is there are no white goods, and not even a curtain rail in the place.
So it is dig deep amongst our family, and see what we can come up with to help her. She will need so much stuff as there aren't even any built in cupboards so we will just have to start again.
I am not feeling great, so I am glad to be home, and I am off to bed as soon as DGD does. I know that that will probably mean that I may wake earlier in the night/morning, but its more of the pain thing that is getting to me, and at least in bed, when I am lying down flat on my back the head isnt compressing the discs in the neck, and I get some relief.
I have really already taken my quota of tablets for today, so I will be scuppered if this last lot dont start to work soon.
Tomorrow I am possibly going shopping with my eldest, (biggest of Mooloo's) to get her her birthday present, and to see if we can find something good to wear for the Christening at the weekend. That is if I am up to it though. Fingers crossed I get a good night sleep tonight.

thorsoak

Mooloo - I'm probably teaching my grandmother to suck eggs - but don't forget to use freecycle or freegle to try and obtain the necessities required for Twin 1 .

Hope you have a good night's sleep tonight. x

minimoneysaver

and of course ebay!

MatyMoo

Been thinking about you all day, since I read the post at that ungodly hour. I think things always seem worse at night when it is quiet and still and if it is worrying you it is good to get it down one way or another. But as always Mooloo, you seem to have so much going on at once and even one of these problems would tip a weaker person over the edge, let alone all you have to deal with.

Sending hugs and a reminder that you do an awful lot for your family (Yes, I know you have to look after your own!)

Jo4

I thought this thread might be useful to you/your daughter! I hope you get a better nights sleep tonight!