Mens rights in seperation

clearingout

Ddraig wrote: »

She may want to push my brother about but Im a different kettle of fish.
I wont break the law ,but will fight her with the means the law gives me.
x

The fact is, if the bills are in her name, she's responsible for paying them. The sensible and appropriate approach would have been to transfer them to your brother's name but she's not in a very sensible place right now, obviously!

Look, I know you must be feeling incredibly angry for your brother right now and I don't blame you for that. But if you're not careful, you're going to egg him on in an unhealthy way and he's already dealing with an ex who's not going to be co-operative.

Divorce is a long haul thing. It pushes otherwise normal and sane and rational people to the edge. You have made it clear that your brother and his wife have nothing other than debt - there is nothing at all worth fighting over if this is the case. Let her get on with being an idiot and support your brother to build a new life. Don't dwell on the past. Living in an angry and vengeful place is expensive from a legal point of view. Concerntrate on moving forwards and putting the past where it needs to be put to do that. Pick your battles.

pupsicola

Was it a joint account that they had because he really needs to find out what direct debits/payments he is responsible for. There may be all manner of things being paid out that he has no idea about. He wont get on top of his finances and start to clear his debts till he sorts this.

I always managed the finances in our relationship but never took advantage of my ex the way his has. His bank should be able to tell him where payments to utilities have gone to even if they weren't set up on direct debits. When I split with my ex I went along to the citizens advice bureau and spoke to a very nice lady who gave me alot of financial advice. Also how to stay within the law but defend your rights. He sounds like a nice guy but he will need to tread carefully dealing with the ex to be seen to be putting the kids as his priority. It will help him in the long run.

Keep a note of all these awful things she is doing. Its not tit-for-tat or being vindictive. I told my solicitor everything and it helped in the court case. As soon as my ex realised the law was aware of his behaviour he backed right down and started co-operating. He was so out of control at one stage his solicitor warned him it could jeapordise his chances of having access to the kids.

Once a solicitor is involved it will get so much easier for your brother. He can just speak to him or her and give his permission for things as needed. Much less involvement with the ex.

RAS

Ddraig wrote: »

She has emptied the bank account and said she is cancelling the phone line etc.

OK

He needs someone in the house for a few hours and he must get down to the bank tomorrow.

1. Ask for a copy of the most recent transactions. Even a mini-statement may show her clearing out the bank account.

2. He needs to ask for a list of all the DDs and other regular payments. And check in whiose name they are set up. Cancel any in his name that he does not want.

3. He then gives the bank a letter telling them that the marriage has ended and that from NOW all debits from the account require both signatories. That stops her spending money they do not have at his expense.

As everyone has said, photo everythign to show what is left.

He also needs to ring and advise the mortgage company that there are problems and see if they will allow a one month mortgage holiday.


3.

Ddraig

I had the bank thing slightly wrong.It was her account for having the wftc put into.She emptied that but was only in her name.She had tried getting in his,but he changed his password before he told her he knew of her cheating.Because of this he cant trace dd's.She wont speak to him at all.He darent knock the door because she gets to hide behind her dad who is massive.
Ive calmed down and even though I sound angry to you guys.I would always think before I acted.Found out she hasnt paid mortgage but we dont know for how long.Sounds like he didnt pay for anything ,he did.Bills were split and if she asked for cash he gave it her.
He has rehomed the dog if everything has gone ok today .So thats one thing out of the way.I have passed all links and info on so hopefully he is armed with knowledge.I havent given any more input .As some people may be thinking.Its one thing to help with info ,another to take over.