Baby Christmas Money - what is it for?

tara747

That's terrible

cake21

Thanks for starting this thread lesley74, it's only this year that I've boughts gifts for a child and I've also been put off giving cash. Totally agree with several posters that once it's given, it's given and you can't dictate what it's spent on, but it genuinely never occurred to me that it wouldn't necessarily be the child ultimately choosing what to spend it on.

I only give to one child (at the moment!) and I'm lucky enough to be able to give a practical gift (e.g. an educational toy or clothes that I know the parents would buy anyway), an impractical gift (e.g. keepsake, party dress), and a little bit of money for the future. I wouldn't want the money to go into the household fund for any reason, penelopedee I would feel exactly the same way about an ornament.

I'm happy to help out with household expenses if things are tight, but that is in addition to and totally separate to a present for the baby in my mind. Perhaps I'm extraordinarily lucky that my nearest and dearest can ask eachother for help when needed, both ways.

Having said all that I should confess that I did once raid my baby niece's moneybox for taxi fare to a party because I couldn't be bothered to go to an ATM... I took £20 and replaced it with £30 the next day, so I don't feel bad about it at all. And at that rate of interest I'm not tempted to do it very often :rotfl:

faerie_girl

Our son's birthday is in January so any money he got we saved and bought him some garden toys in the summer - swing, slide, sandpit. If he gets money for his next birthday then I think we will just put it in his savings as I dont think there is much else we can get him.

ladybirdintheuk

faerie_girl wrote: »

Our son's birthday is in January so any money he got we saved and bought him some garden toys in the summer - swing, slide, sandpit. If he gets money for his next birthday then I think we will just put it in his savings as I dont think there is much else we can get him.

We do the same - she gets so much at Christmas that she really doesn't need anything else in January. And that is with my parents just giving us some money at christmas instead of a present! We have asked the in-laws to give her early learning centre vouchers or money so we can buy her something later in the year when she is ready for the next challenge. For this year I'm planning to leave the money in savings, but as the years go on, I will give her some choice on what to spend it on (I say some choice because I would want to be able to have a veto on buying something frivalous, and teach her about saving up for something big rather than frittering it all away with nothing to show for it iyswim)

To cover the other points raised by various people in this thread

They do end up with so many toys, and there are only so many toys a child needs, so i would have no problem with someone putting birthday money towards a pushchair/highchair/paying for the family holiday/whatever so long as it was something for the child. Just the same as I would hope that my parents don't mind me spending my own christmas money on a new bathroom cabinet (it's a rock and roll lifestyle we lead in this house :rotfl:).

If my circumstances demanded it I would have no problem with dipping into her money to cover the example of the broken but essential car. I would feel guilty if I wasn't able to pay her back, but I would have no problem with borrowing.

mummyroysof3

tara747 wrote: »

But in her example she bought the toy BEFORE the money was given, without knowing that the child would receive a cash gift. That is totally wrong imho.

i understand your point im just not sure its as wrong as you make out, to me it doesnt really matter who payed for the toy, the child gets it and the money giver can be told what it was spent on, im not sure i see what the problem is

would it be different if the parent knew the money was coming?

for example, my grandma gives my kids money for xmas and birthdays in their cards, i sometimes have got them something before hand to unwrap then say thats what the money is for? is it different as my grandma knows i do this? is it different as i know the money is coming to replace what i spent?

carolan78

Personally I wouldn't be bothered if a cash gift I gave a child went to help out a struggling household. After all easing the burden slighly is benificial for the child. I wouldn't however like it to be spent on the household if the parents wasted their own money on rubbish they don't need or booze ect. I would however as a present giver presumably know the family quiet well (why else would I be giving a gift?) Therefore if I didn't think the parents would use the money in the best interest of their child I would buy something for the child instead.

I really don't see the need for this debate, over the course of a childs lifetime a parent will provide a thousandfold for any cash gifts I may give.

Morty_007

penelopedee wrote: »

When my nephew was due, his parents had just got their first house together. So I saved and gave them a lot of (a famous hs store) vouchers for their Christmas/new house/welcome to the baby sort of thing present. I made it clear they could spend it whatever way they needed to, thinking that times were hard etc. I used a store where they could buy anything but in my mind was thinking a set of clothes for the little one or a winters coat for one of the parents if that was needed.

But actually they told me afterwards they bought a new ornament for house. I know I shouldn't comment but I was a bit gutted cos I thought I would be helping them to get something they really needed. I wish now I had just put money into the baby's account after he was born. It was a lot of money to blow on an ornament.

I'm a little sad about this. You yourself say you weren't really clear what the gift was for so maybe they thought that buying a coat or a set of clothes wouldn't do the christmas present/housewarming justice. Maybe they wanted to buy something that would be around for years and that they could look at and remember who bought it...and why...you can't do that with a childrens coat....

shellsuit

Morty_007 wrote: »

I'm a little sad about this. You yourself say you weren't really clear what the gift was for so maybe they thought that buying a coat or a set of clothes wouldn't do the christmas present/housewarming justice. Maybe they wanted to buy something that would be around for years and that they could look at and remember who bought it...and why...you can't do that with a childrens coat....

Exactly what I was going to say morty.

If people give me cash, I like to buy something with it which I can keep.

An ornament will last forever (if looked after!) and they will always know where it has come from, ie you. And you did give it to them as a house warming gift, so what else were they meant to have bought with it unless you were specific?

That's why I hate giving people money, especially adults, as most would just chuck it in their wallet/purse and waste it on nothing special. If the person here had bought an ornament with money I'd give to them, I'd be really pleased.

tara747

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

i understand your point im just not sure its as wrong as you make out, to me it doesnt really matter who payed for the toy, the child gets it and the money giver can be told what it was spent on, im not sure i see what the problem is

would it be different if the parent knew the money was coming?

for example, my grandma gives my kids money for xmas and birthdays in their cards, i sometimes have got them something before hand to unwrap then say thats what the money is for? is it different as my grandma knows i do this? is it different as i know the money is coming to replace what i spent?

Yes, it is different. The poster bought a toy for her child *by choice*, then was unexpectedly given a cash gift for the child and pocketed it to cover the cost of the toy! It is so wrong I can't even begin to understand how anyone could do it.

If a grandparent or anyone else gives money to the parents to buy something for the child, then fine. If not, it's not right to take it.

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

If my circumstances demanded it I would have no problem with dipping into her money to cover the example of the broken but essential car. I would feel guilty if I wasn't able to pay her back, but I would have no problem with borrowing.

Agreed, I have no problem with *borrowing* if needed either.

Morty_007 wrote: »

I'm a little sad about this. You yourself say you weren't really clear what the gift was for so maybe they thought that buying a coat or a set of clothes wouldn't do the christmas present/housewarming justice. Maybe they wanted to buy something that would be around for years and that they could look at and remember who bought it...and why...you can't do that with a childrens coat....

I missed that bit actually. If the poster did say that it was for any of those purposes then it's fine for them to spend it on the house, and you are right - they bought something they would have forever so clearly wanted to spend the money on a special item.

Meadows

For me it would have to be put into a savings account it is not my money and was not intended for me, when the child is older they can chose what to do with the money.
A child never asks to be brought into the world and should not have to have money gifted to it to go towards household items like heating, food and cars, if you can not afford these basic things should you bring a child into the world and if you do should that child be expected to pay for your day to day items and running of a car that you want to use?