Buyers are camped in our garden over Christmas

busiscoming2

ViolaLass wrote: »

OK, I haven't read the whole thing because I just can't keep up but could someone please clarify something - wasn't the OP supposed to move out on the 4th?

No just exchange.

ViolaLass

Ah, that explains it, thank you! I wondered why the thread was still going - I thought perhaps they'd all grown so fond of each other, they'd decided to house share...

Did the exchange take place as planned?

clutton_2

yes it seemed so on the day..... who knows what the future will hold........

j2011

You all realise, don't you, that the day before the Clampetts are due to move in they will get an email about this thread, read it and throw a wobbly and cancel the move.

PrincessPlaty

It has taken me literally hours to read through this thread but i couldn't leave it!

True or not Mr Jones your writing is fantastic! I have cried with laughter most of the way through :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: If it is true and there has been points where i have thought that it is i really feel for you!!

Best of luck with the funeral tomorrow.

Subscribing now for updates!!!

Savvy_Sue

thejonesfamily wrote: »

impressive, i didnt realise coffins were on rollers, that just glided out of the back of the herse.

I think you will find the rollers are in the back of the hearse rather than on the bottom of the coffin. they also have trolleys which are either height adjustable or made to measure: some bodies cannot be lifted for 'elf and safety reasons (I know of one which had to be removed from the house by the fire brigade ...)

clutton wrote: »

got here Very late today """all I will hear in bed tonight is the popping of the bubble wrap as Enith thaws out. "

i am HOWLing with laughter here !!!!

Has Enid become Edith become Enith - maybe she will be Erith by tomorrow ?

clutton, don't get me going, I am in danger of waking DH here, and I probably won't be able to keep a straight face through Nigel's funeral on The Archers!

Thermidor

thejonesfamily wrote: »

well the clampetts are out of cooking gas, so have dined with us for lunch. Well, they cooked theirs and we cooked ours. House stinks of haddock which is probbaly better than eau de clampett. They had the fish with mash and mint sauce. The mint Mrs C said "I hope you didnt mind me picking the mint growing by the caravan" and as I sat there watching them pour homemade mint sauce (which Mr C kept complimenting Mrs C on) on their mash, something dawned on me and I nearly choked on my stir fry when I realised that the mint bush is where the puppy cocks its leg up. I didnt say a word but Mrs J pi55sed herself laughing when I told her after.

Back to this am, we finally met the stranger. I did knock on the camper door but there was no answer, so left them to it. It was only when they all needed a wee that I got to meet Billy-Bob.

No joke, there is someone who lives in Devon called Billy-Bob, and i must say he was worse than the clampetts. Normally when you greet someone, it is often kinder not to fart before shaking hands, but this bearded man I could knickname Stig Clampett is something else. Dressed in leathers, it was more of an S&M delivery than M&S.

So Billy Bob Clampett is Mr Cs brother it turns out, coming for the funeral. Somehow he has decided Wales seems like a nice place to spend a few days and is going to stay in the clampervan with them and go off each day and tour wales on his bike. He is also the third confirmed pull bearer. I just hope Edna is as lopsided on her back as she was on her feet. I hope they dont ask me to even up the other side.

At lunch the subject turned to flowers. There is a saying, say it with flowers and the Clampetts have decided on a recreation of a cigarette end with her name where Berkeley is usually printed. I presume the budget of white carnations didnt extend to the full length of her menthol delight, though I nearly offered the remaining mint from the garden. I am sure the local florist, clever in her craft at beautiful beach weddings in Barry will relish the challenge of dog end.

There are going to be donations to SOBS (society of blind scrabblers), apparantly, they need a new mini bus as the old one was written off. Presumably the driver got wind of a triple letter score and veered off the road in excitement. Either that or the cats eyes in the road (which i am informed double as braille markings to keep partially sighted people on their side of the road) havent been replaced on the newly tarmaced stretch of the Torquay road.

Quite why there is a need for a minibus I don't know. Without meaning disrespect to any blind people reading this, you may as well stick a bench in the back of a ford transit for all they know, and it also means they wouldnt have to wear their sunglasses.

Billy Bob did make a joke though. He looked at our puppy and said in his thick west country accent

"I wouldnt have one of those"

Why I replied

"They make you blind. Havent you seen all those retreiver owners with white sticks"

Groan....

Where do you live? Mint doesn't grow in January................

You sure you haven't been dining out on porkies? Groan.

By the way old chap, anyone arrested and charged with drunk driving has their court date rushed through as they're considered high risk and dangerous. The court date is usually within a couple of weeks.......it never takes months.

Peanuckle

looby75 wrote: »

OMG I've got a funeral to go to tomorrow and I just know that this thread is going to spring to mind at a very inappropriate moment, I'm crying with laughter here.

My Father in Law passed away last week and is being cremated tomorrow, I'd started reading this thread to him up until we lost him (he was bedridden) and he loved it, I suspect he'd be roaring with laughter by now and it'll give me a lift tomorrow knowing that, just got to be careful not to let it show at the crem, not sure I want to try to explain to everyone else. :cool:

Thanks MrJ :beer:

gallygirl

Thermidor wrote: »

Where do you live? Mint doesn't grow in January................

You sure you haven't been dining out on porkies? Groan.
.

It's growing in my garden in a sheltered spot - but to be fair I don't have an incontinent dog.

Can anyone remember the Father Ted episode where Dougall conducts a funeral........:eek:

tamarto

Thermidor wrote: »

Where do you live? Mint doesn't grow in January................

You sure you haven't been dining out on porkies? Groan.

By the way old chap, anyone arrested and charged with drunk driving has their court date rushed through as they're considered high risk and dangerous. The court date is usually within a couple of weeks.......it never takes months.

Never? or usually? you should make up your mind there.