Advice about picky eaters...

System

[QUOTE=JodyBPM;39603898
If they are hungry, they will eat. And if they learn that if they don't eat what is put in front of them they won't get anything else, then they will eat!
[/QUOTE]


not if theres a genuine reason for the behaviour -ive done all thats been suggested over the years and its only when she has been diagnosed with severe dyspraxia + asd that ive given up the fight as its not one i will ever win, incidentally she was diagnosed aged 12 + yrs old and i can honestly say once you stop the unnecessary fighting /stress this food issues can cause it makes a huge difference.

JodyBPM

CHRISSYG wrote: »

not if theres a genuine reason for the behaviour -ive done all thats been suggested over the years and its only when she has been diagnosed with severe dyspraxia + asd that ive given up the fight as its not one i will ever win, incidentally she was diagnosed aged 12 + yrs old and i can honestly say once you stop the unnecessary fighting /stress this food issues can cause it makes a huge difference.

I agree if there is a genuine health issue which affects eating (eg dispraxia or asd) but there was nothing in the OP to suggest that. There was however a clue that the child is perhaps ruling the roost (a 4 yr old having a tantrum and being rewarded with a kinder egg).

That is why I said that if the methods that normally work with children without other issues don't work, then she should see the GP.

Nicki

The picky adults posting here are rather missing the point! OP does not want her 4 year old to grow up to have all the same problems they describe here, however much they are prepared to live with the limited restricted life it gives them and their loved ones.

OP, my recollection is that these sorts of issues were often dealt with in the tv programme House of Tiny Tearaways withs the child psychologist Dr Tanya Bryan. It might be worth seeing if there are any books or tapes of that show still available anywhere? From memory, these issues were often caused by mild food phobias, and exposure to the offending foods in a play setting was often used but I suspect the full solution is more complex. As others have said, its not an uncommon problem at this age, but as the adults posting have demonstrated (at least to my mind) its definitely worth dealing with while the child is young rather than letting it become a lifelong disability.

csh_2

CHRISSYG wrote: »

op i dont want to panic you but this to a certain extent sounds like my dd , she among other things is dyspraxic and after reading on a dyspraxic teen site i now understand that a lot of her food issues are due to their textureshe wont eat mash or anything sloppy basically.she also has asd so its difficult to see exactly where one ends and the other begins but food has been a nightmare ,we now within reason allow her to chose what she wants and when she wants it ,her dad + i will have a meal and later she will have what she wants its not ideal but its taken the stress away and she is eating.

peachyprice wrote: »

Same here Chrissy. My 15yo DS is dyspraxic and has the same food 'issues'. He has a pretty limited diet and won't have anything wet, even to the extent of not having butter on bread.

The 'make him eat what's put in front of him or go without' method will not work with him, if forced he will eat it then vomit it straight back out, it's an involuntary reflex due to texture, not done on purpose.

He's not so bad now and will try new things as long as they are within his texture boundaries but as a younger child he used to get so distressed whe we tried to make him eat more variety. I suppose we gave up when he was about 6, since then we know what he likes and what he doesn't and we work around that.

Holidays, especially abroad, can be a nightmare, but as long as he can find some bread he's happy to accept that it's his problem and doesn't expect us all to eat boring food because of him.

He's fit and healthy and has the clearest skin and beautiful glossy hair, and TBH I think the mental distress of forcing him to eat usual family food would have done him far more long term harm than his eccentric diet.

Oh, and he's a twin, his (non-dyspraxic) brother eats anything and everything under the sun, so it's not a parenting issue, no matter how many 'do gooders' try to make you feel it's your own fault.

My DD is 14, dyspraxic and exactly the same! No bits, lumps, juice, herbs or anything! She does get sick quite a bit when she tries different things. I am constantly amazed at what she will eat. eg: Haggis, yuck!
She also has a very keen sense of smell so alot of the time the smell can put her right off and have her gagging before it even gets to her mouth.
Shes the only teen I've ever met that doesn't like McDonalds!! She won't even chum me in because of the smell!!

As she has got older I have relaxed more about it and stopped trying to force her as she can't rewire her brain to work the way mine does.
She now just mainly gets whatever she wants but as long as she is eating I'm happy. I don't mean junk all the time as she doesn't really like junk food. It does mean most nights I have to make 2 dinners.

System

JodyBPM wrote: »

I agree if there is a genuine health issue which affects eating (eg dispraxia or asd) but there was nothing in the OP to suggest that. There was however a clue that the child is perhaps ruling the roost (a 4 yr old having a tantrum and being rewarded with a kinder egg).

That is why I said that if the methods that normally work with children without other issues don't work, then she should see the GP.

the op didnt suggest either asd/dyspraxia or "ruling the roost" both are possibilities but i can say when she was younger my dd had tantrums like the ops child which looking back were a sign there were other issues.
just because the op didnt say there were issues doesnt mean there arent ,my dd is 13 and its only now we fully understand her needs [asd diagnosed last week !]

the_cat

CHRISSYG wrote: »

absolute rubbish - only if the op is completely sure theres no other reason for the childs behaviour [ dyspraxia/asd the list is endless] maybe they could try what you are suggesting but from experience sometimes the fight just isnt worth it ! as long as some food is being eaten why worry !

A tad rude!

I understand that you feel it wouldn't work for your child but we are each only an expert on our own individual children. I can assure you that I also speak from experience and found that the 'fight' took perhaps a couple of days (not with them eating nothing at all, just that they realised after that amount of time that it simply wouldn't work to keep fussing as no one was taking any notice) After which everyone including the child was much, much happier

Just because it hasn't/wouldn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for any child!

PS From the OP's post we have nothing mentioned about other behaviour to suggest their are any medical/behavioural problems for this. I would suggest that this is far less likely to be the case (based on the info so far and the percentage chances of a problem, as opposed to fussiness) Best to try standard parenting tactics first. Obviously if they don't work or if there really are other factors which we have not been told, the Health Visitor or GP would be a sensible second step

System

Nicki wrote: »

The picky adults posting here are rather missing the point! OP does not want her 4 year old to grow up to have all the same problems they describe here, however much they are prepared to live with the limited restricted life it gives them and their loved ones.

OP, my recollection is that these sorts of issues were often dealt with in the tv programme House of Tiny Tearaways withs the child psychologist Dr Tanya Bryan. It might be worth seeing if there are any books or tapes of that show still available anywhere? From memory, these issues were often caused by mild food phobias, and exposure to the offending foods in a play setting was often used but I suspect the full solution is more complex. As others have said, its not an uncommon problem at this age, but as the adults posting have demonstrated (at least to my mind) its definitely worth dealing with while the child is young rather than letting it become a lifelong disability.

theres a village missing its idiot somewhere !! do you SERIOUSLY think any of us who have childern with issues have taken the easy option ??? some battles will never be won and arent worth the fight whatever some tv program suggests .

melancholly

CHRISSYG wrote: »

theres a village missing its idiot somewhere !! do you SERIOUSLY think any of us who have childern with issues have taken the easy option ??? some battles will never be won and arent worth the fight whatever some tv program suggests .

i think obviously you know what happened in your family due to health conditions and you, thankfully, found a solution that works. however, i think you're taking things personally when they aren't intended and that you're projecting your experience. in all likelihood, this is a picky eater who's being picky because they can be and kids just do things like that! if it lasts and doesn't respond to any suggestions, then it's time to think of other things. however, diagnosing based on a few posts on the internet is never sensible and calling people idiots doesn't help anything - least of all help the OP try to get a solution for their family (and as we know, every family is different and there is never a one size fits all solution).

Nicki

CHRISSYG wrote: »

theres a village missing its idiot somewhere !! do you SERIOUSLY think any of us who have childern with issues have taken the easy option ??? some battles will never be won and arent worth the fight whatever some tv program suggests .

But the adults posting about their pickiness don't claim to have any underlying issues just an unresolved issue from their childhood.

Your post is unnecessarily aggressive. I too have an autistic child and I understand that you have had struggles with eating due to your own child's presentation. However, there is nothing at all to suggest that the child in the OP has issues like your or my ASD children do, and therefore it is reasonable to suggest that for the good of their own child that they attempt to address the issue now using valid child rearing techniques.

pixie76

Thank you for all your replies. I actually have a son who is 14 and Dyspraxic, he is a good eater though and has always ate a wide variety of food ( Although I do remember when he was younger certain textures of food would make him gag.) I do feel that I will now take him to the doctors after Christmas , purely to rule out if he is Dyspraxic or not. I do agree with what many have said, he does eat when he is hungry , so he is getting nourishment. However the limited foods that he eats do concern me.
I have three boys 15, 14 and my 4 year old. Because my four year old is the youngest by far in our household he does tend to get spoilt a little bit. But when I mentioned the incident with the Kinder egg, I was not alluding to his tantrum, it was the severe reaction he seemed to have because there was a dent in it. He was in such a state because of a tiny imperfection. Thanks again for all your replies and suggestions.