Advice about picky eaters...

the_cat

pixie76 wrote: »

I just wanted some advice from other parents of picky eaters really as i am quite concerned about our four year old son. We are thinking of taking him to the doctors but I really wanted to know if anyone on here has been through a similar situation.

He has always been a bit picky , but lately it seems to be getting worse, even bordering on obsessive. Will try and give as many examples as i can . He likes fruit and will eat quite a few types of fruit, he also loves bread. He will not eat anything with bits on it. For example he will have a plain cheese and tomato pizza, but if theres any onion or herbs on it he will cry and refuse to eat it. When he has a satsuma, he will literally stand and pick all the silly little white bits off each segment. If half the stalk is still attached to the apple, he will again cry loudly and refuse to eat it. He loves yorkshire puddings, but if there was gravy on them he would not eat it. If a biscuit has bits of chocolate in it, he refuses to eat it. He likes certain vegetables, but the have to be raw ( such as peppers) He is just so picky and obsessive with having food in a particular way. The other day my husband bought him a Kinder egg and it had a small dent in it, he screamed the house down for a good ten minutes , we had to open it , break it in half and he refused to eat the dented half. There is two real issues, that he won't eat a wide variety of food and how picky and obsessed he can be over certain aspects of food, like food with 'bits' in it or on it.

Am I right to be concerned , he just won't try new things and we don't want to push him to eat as I feel it would not help. Any advice appreciated , thanks.

I don't mean to be rude but maybe you are 'teaching' him this behaviour. He makes a fuss, so you mess about with the Kinder egg and he 'gets his own way'

Now this may be an isolated example and maybe you do usually ignore his sillyness but if you are pandering to him and going out of your way to make sure that the relevant foods aren't touching etc etc then he is slowly learning that kicking off is working!

Give him the food and if he creates, take it away, calmly and quietly. DON'T give him an alternative!

You have my sympathy. It will be hard to steel yourself to do it but unfortunately it is the only way....... good luck!

minerva_windsong

I agree that it might be textures - I hate the texture of dessicated coconut, and am weird about raw fruit, particularly clementines/satsumas (though that is also a smell thing). Have you tried giving him stuff but texturised differently, eg blending vegetables into tomato sauce for pasta?

I would also get him involved in making stuff and the trick of putting things he will eat on plates with things he won't. If you can get some kid-friendly vitamins I'd try that as well, so at least you know he's getting those.

System

peachyprice wrote: »

Same here Chrissy. My 15yo DS is dyspraxic and has the same food 'issues'. He has a pretty limited diet and won't have anything wet, even to the extent of not having butter on bread.

The 'make him eat what's put in front of him or go without' method will not work with him, if forced he will eat it then vomit it straight back out, it's an involuntary reflex due to texture, not done on purpose.

Oh, and he's a twin, his (non-dyspraxic) brother eats anything and everything under the sun, so it's not a parenting issue, no matter how many 'do gooders' try to make you feel it's your own fault.

my dd has the vomiting reflex with mash and just cant help it, i agree there are too many people ready to critisize how i have handled her eating especially family members who seem to be of the opinion that i am making the matter worse when in fact because ive taken the fight away from the situation its so much more relaxed and she is trying some foods i never thought she would eat.

System

the_cat wrote: »

I don't mean to be rude but maybe you are 'teaching' him this behaviour. He makes a fuss, so you mess about with the Kinder egg and he 'gets his own way'


Give him the food and if he creates, take it away, calmly and quietly. DON'T give him an alternative!

You have my sympathy. It will be hard to steel yourself to do it but unfortunately it is the only way....... good luck!

absolute rubbish - only if the op is completely sure theres no other reason for the childs behaviour [ dyspraxia/asd the list is endless] maybe they could try what you are suggesting but from experience sometimes the fight just isnt worth it ! as long as some food is being eaten why worry !

Indie_Kid

newcook wrote: »

, they go through phases with foods (including not wanting to eat stuff they ate the week before!)

That would be me.:o I refused for months to eat chips.

I will eat most things now. As a child, I hated tomatoes. Earlier this year, mum made something and asked if I wanted the tomato left on and I said yes. I think that came as a bit of a shock to her nad my dad!

minnie123

My 2 1/2 year old is the same - he will only eat ready brek - weetabix - jam sandwiches - toast & honey - biscuits & quavers - That is it seriously and for the past few weeks he has even been refusing some of that. I have tried not giving him an alternative but he keeps waking in the night starving hungry crying for milk so what am I to do. My childminder told me he eats more when he is there and not to worry about it he will eat more in his own time so this is what I am trying to do. But every so often I do get very very worried. I am seeing the health visitor in January so I will speak to her about it then. I can't see trying to force him making things any better.

JodyBPM

I'm another one that is confused by a FOUR year old having a tantrum about a kinder egg, and yet still being rewarded with it! My children at FOUR wouldn't have dreamt of having tantrums, and certainly wouldn't have been rewarded for them! At the first sign of a tantrum the egg would have been removed, never to be returned, and they'd be doing time out for bad behaviour!

I do think you need to work out whether you have a child with genuine eating issues, or simply a child who is ruling the roost and demanding things as HE wants all the time, and being given in to.

Personally, I have always simply given the children their dinners and expected them to eat them. If they choose not to, then they are offered nothing else instead. As a result, I have 4 year old and a 5 year old who eat pretty much everything. DD doesn't like hardboiled eggs, and DS doesn't like tuna, spinach or kale, but they eat everything else.

Its going to be much harder to change his habits if he's been used to having it all his own way for the last 4 years though! I'd gradually start introducing stuff he's not previously eaten alongside stuff he does.

As a parent, I am sure you will find it hard to watch him refusing to eat, but children don't starve themselves to death! If they are hungry, they will eat. And if they learn that if they don't eat what is put in front of them they won't get anything else, then they will eat!

If you don't see any improvements at all in a month or two of doing this, then I would speak to a GP as he may have some genuine food issues.

claire111

The OP has two things to consider here;

Is her child really unable to eat certain types of food due to texture/flavour/colour

or

Is her child manipulating her as a way of gaining some control (very common in many children)

I would guess that a child that picks bits of chocolate out of a chocolate biscuit really doesn't like bits and therefore genuinely can't manage some foods, but only she will know if this is really the case.

My son is mildly dispraxic and is over sensitive to all sorts of things including texture of clothing, noise, light and heat as well as texture of food in his mouth!

I would suggest if she really feels he is not being difficult because it gets him attention that she should allow him to be fussy with the 'healthy foods' (raw veg etc) but calmly walk away from a dent in a chocolate egg !!

HTH

Claire

Ooops sorry -Crossed with the above post !!

chatnoir

Hi,

I have the same food issues as your son. Only eat cheese and tomatoe pizza, no yoghurt or soups with "bits" and if I have beans they can not touch anything else on the plate. I detest gravy and mash!
And it is all down to texture! I hate food that has the consistancy of sick and anything mushy! I like food that is crunchy and solid. I hate it when I take a bite of something and I can feel the smallest piece of Onion in it, makes me cringe
I am 25 have had the same issues all my life! It makes it quite difficult for me and Hubby to have a meal out as it causes me some stress as I worry about what I can eat. But other then that I do not suffer for it, I am a size 8 and very healthy (apart from the lovely cold I have at the moment) and it doenst cause me any other problems.
Think best thing is to not stress about it....my mum used to try and force me to eat which just meant I dreaded meal times, even now I hate sitting down to a formal dinner specially if we are with people I dont know so well. Hopefully he will grow out of it, but don't make it in to a battle of wills!

conradmum

:)Not eating food with bits in is very common, as is not eating food that touches other food on the plate. The more fuss you make, whether it be accommodating his wishes or forcing him to eat things he doesn't like, the worse you will make the problem.#

Try as far as possible not to give him food that's different from everyone else's. If he won't/can't eat something and is clearly hungry, he should be allowed something that isn't a treat, e.g. bread and butter if he will normally eat that, but without comment or fuss. When he does eat something that you wouldn't expect, don't remark on it. Your goal is to not turn his eating patterns into a game, or a source of stress, or a means by which he can get your attention.

He won't change overnight. It's entirely normal for children to go through this, but how you handle it will determine his attitude to food as he grows up, so please just try to chill as much as possible!