Need help with my other half...

Nixer

Random thoughts:

If you're British, America is going to be hugely difficult to crack, it used to be that the only way in was via a US employer in the UK (but possibly only if you had a specialist skill that they could not recruit for in the US) or by being illegal, not getting caught and waiting for the US gov to do an amnesty - although I don't think they've done this for a long time and if they catch you they'll kick you out and you probably won't be allowed back in again.

I think you might be able to do the green card lottery if you can dredge up an Irish parent or (possibly) grandparent i.e. get an Irish passport. But it's not open to Brits - the US think they have too many already.

At the risk of being patronising, you are both young and haven't been together very long. Are you sure the relationship has legs?

It's probably not that big a deal not settling into a career at 22 or so, I didn't start doing a "proper" job until 27, because I was gadding about (living in the US for a while amongst other things/places).

I have several friends who have moved abroad and all have got a good working grasp of the language at around 6 months and fluent/near fluent in 2 years. It's my belief that you cannot learn a language fully without going to the country and speaking it with mother tongue speakers (and reading newspapers, watching tv etc), but once you do that it will come very quickly.

Has she been to any of the places she wants to end up in? Also living somewhere is very different to just spending a few months in it, living somewhere you intend to stay forever differs from living somewhere for 2 years but knowing you will go back etc.

It does seem that she wants to go "anywhere that isn't here" rather than be interested in x country for y reason. Is she able to articulate why?

Things like fear, not knowing language, uncertainty of where you might live etc. are not reasons not to do it in my book. Not wanting to (and I think I get the impression from your OP that you don't want to) is a good reason not to though.

Happy_Girl_2

All I'm getting from your posts is what she wants and what you're doing to make this a reality

What exactly is she doing about it except moaning that she wants to move abroad now?

I get the sense you don't really want to go but are considering it because you think it will make her happy. My suggestion would be to let her go alone. Don't give up a good job because of her dreams, it won't bind her t you and you could find yourself with no job and no girlfriend in a strange country!

Let he go off on her travels. If she loves you and it is meant to be she will come back to you.

Otherwise what will be the next demand she makes of you?

Nottoobadyet

kegg wrote: »

Anyone from the UK is not eligable for the green card lottery

Fair point, well made

sueeve

It sounds to me it is more important what she is leaving than where she is going. is she trying to run away from something, or someone? There is no reality in what she wants. It might come true if she does the graft, re foreign language, or needed skills. Has she got a decent education background to start some specific training? Otherwise it will be basic wage unskilled labour for a short period of time, or breaking the terms of a visa and being deported. How is she on washing up? Suggest she does it on her own for a few months and then she can come back and convince you to join her.

victor2

Happy_Girl wrote: »

All I'm getting from your posts is what she wants and what you're doing to make this a reality

What exactly is she doing about it except moaning that she wants to move abroad now?

I get the sense you don't really want to go but are considering it because you think it will make her happy. My suggestion would be to let her go alone. Don't give up a good job because of her dreams, it won't bind her t you and you could find yourself with no job and no girlfriend in a strange country!

Let he go off on her travels. If she loves you and it is meant to be she will come back to you.

Otherwise what will be the next demand she makes of you?

But the other side of the coin is that maybe he loves her and wants to make her happy because she makes him happy.
We menfolk do many crazy things in the name of love, not all of them sensible, but they seem a good idea at the time and you only live once!:)

Britwife

I just want to add that it is NOT cheap to move to another country. I'm American, husband British and we have spent so much money on his American visa's. It's not easy and they don't allow just anyone to move there.

Also, has she ever even been to America? I've been in the UK for 4 years now and if I had to choose which country to live in, I wouldn't be able to give a straight answer. There are things I love and hate about each country and you really just have to be grateful to have a place to live and a good job in this economy. Right now, Texas is about the best place for jobs. It's very expensive to live there. We don't have anything like the NHS which means you either have to pay very high rates for private insurance...if your company provides it or you have to get it on your own which is much more expensive. Food is much more expensive as is everything else. Well, petrol is much cheaper..lol You're not entitled to any government assistance.

She really needs to think of all the logistics of moving abroad. What about visiting family? Flights are so expensive now.

Make a list for her and show her all the expenses and the fact that most likely you guys won't quaility since you both have to qualify.

I would want to get to the bottom of why she isn't happy here and see if you can help get her to a happier point in life.

sashadesade

Can you explain her 'anywhere but here' attitude? Whatever the problem is, I don't think moving abroad will be the instant fix she thinks it will.

Primrose

Maybe you just have to take a very deep breath and come to terms with the fact that this relationship isn't going to work out. You both want very different things, and your girlfriend doesn't seem ready to settle down yet. If you try and force her into accepting something she's not ready to acceptm her restlessness will only come out in other ways later. You say you don't have a lot of money or the skills to offer to another country so it's probably unrealistic to expect that when the global economy is in downturn, opportunities will be available to you elsewhere.

You, on the other hand, have good prospects in your current job and the opportunity to settle down here and make something of your life. She apparently doesn't want to share this particular dream with you. Over time if you try and force the issue, her itch will become overwhelming and sooner or later she will probably desert you to follow her dream, even if it doesn't necessarily work out for her. You both want different things. Have the courage to offer her the chance to pursue her travelling dreams alone and get on with your own life here. Let her get the travelling bug out of her system without destroying your own prospects in the future. Sounds harsh, but if you are really made for each other, she'll come back to you. But what is more likely to happen is that you'll meet somebody else with whom your longer term aspirations are more compatible.

bluestarlight

kegg wrote: »

Anyone from the UK is not eligable for the green card lottery

If you are from Northern Ireland you are.

meritaten

awww - it sounds as if you have a nice lifestyle here - but gf thinks it could be better abroad. perhaps she is buying into the America/Australia myth. you know the one, work hard and you too can have a hollywood life or be president! they have poor over there too! or perhaps she just cannot stand Britain anymore? sometimes this country gets me down too! or she could just be running away from her past - people think that emigrating will change things - it doesnt - you take your past with you wherever you go.
If you have such strong doubts hun, then I would bargain with her - tell her that if she and you want to emigrate then both of you will have to study for more qualifications or train for a job on the desired skills list - then in two years you will apply if you still want to. in the meantime you will get a breathing space and may well find a new career!