Need help with my other half...

CDaniels1987

Everything is great between us and we are both ready to settle down only problem is she wants to settle down abroad (ideally America or Australia but she says she would goto anywhere else in the EU aswell) I have always thought of moving abroad but really dont see how its possible in the current situation with most countries, neither of us really have any outstanding skills to be considered for the special skilled migration visa for America or Australia and neither of us can speak another language to move somewhere else in the EU, we dont have massive amounts of money behind us so I dont see how its possible any time soon, I am in a good job with good prospects here and I have decided I would be perfectly happy to buy a place here and settle down with her and maybe in the future either buy a holiday home somewhere or eventually move abroad, but she keeps getting really upset at the thought of settling down here.

Its not that I wouldn't move abroad for her because ideally I would prefer to, I just dont see how this is possible any time soon and like I said I have now come to terms with settling down in a nice house in this country.

She just seems so unhappy, shes even mentioned travelling America and stuff but I don't really want to give up my job when I am just about to get a promotion and stuff, plus I am finally in an amazing relationship where I would love to settle down but it just seems as time goes on we both sort of want different things.

anyone been in a simular situation? if so how did you handle it?

jennikitten

How old are you both? If you're under 30 (or maybe it's 31) you can get a guaranteed work visa for Australia for up to a year. Maybe three months or so out there would help/test the waters?

cheepskate_2

[QUOTE=CDaniels1987;39525194


She just seems so unhappy, shes even mentioned travelling America and stuff but I don't really want to give up my job but it just seems as time goes on we both sort of want different things.

[/QUOTE]

This is the worrying bit.
Didnt really know if she is sad with her life, or with not moving. If its her life then another country wont make any difference.

From where im sitting, i would think that in maybe another few years you may have grown apart, you would want to move back home (uk) and given your career up for nothing

It looks like you both want different things form life at this time and unless you can come to a compromise, then this relationship may not work.

CDaniels1987

Im 23 and shes 22, we have been together 1 year and 2 months but known each other for 8-9 years.

She says she wants to settle down, buy a place etc etc but she doesn't want to do it in the UK, so shes saying she wants the same things as me but I'm not entirely sure, I tried earlier to say that "I know moving abroad would be a dream, but for now we can make the best of what we got" and its not as if we are bad off here, we live a nice comfortable life, we can afford to go out whenever we want to, we have nice things, we have even had 3 holidays this year, I have read about the 1 year Aussie work visa, but my concern is you can only get certain jobs on that visa and apparently cant work for the same company for longer than 6 months, and I just dont see what we would be able to get out there, I work in Customer Service and she works as an admin assistant, they are not exactly specialised skills that are sought after over there.

I just feel there may be something more to it than just moving away, surely moving away isn't going to sort her out from being unhappy at times to being completely happy.

elliebobs

Hi; not in your position but some close friends were. They emigrated to Australia on a one year visa and stayed with relations over there. It was intended to become permanent however within 4 months they were back in the UK having run out of cash. The harsh reality is that work in Australia for foreigners is very hard to come by and despite their best efforts they cut their losses and came back home again.

They, on paper, were in a great position as they were staying with relatives so no rent/bills etc to pay however it wasn't enough.

Some other friends of mine are looking to emigrate to Canada however he is a surgeon in a pretty specialised field so shouldn't have any problems and I think this is where the crux of the issue is.

It does sound like your girlfriend needs to get this out of her system though...

KiKi

CDaniels1987 wrote: »

I have read about the 1 year Aussie work visa, but my concern is you can only get certain jobs on that visa and apparently cant work for the same company for longer than 6 months, and I just dont see what we would be able to get out there, I work in Customer Service and she works as an admin assistant, they are not exactly specialised skills that are sought after over there.

The 1 year WH Visa isn't limited with jobs, and actually there is a lot of work out there if you're prepared to work in hotels, tourist offices, bars, restaurants, retail. Whenever I'm there I see plenty of casual work advertised! You don't have to work in customer service or admin. Every friend of mine who's been (and me included) has found work in Melbourne, Sydney and country Victoria, WA etc. If you're prepared to work in the country, you're even more likely to find work!

But yes, you can't work for an employer for more than 6 months.

Also, don't fall in love with the place as you categorically can't live there unless you have one of the skills on their list - which reduced this year from over 400 to around 192. Aus has a high cost of living, and high tax for a WH visa - flat 29% on every cent you earn. However, it's very do-able depending on where you live. If you house-share in a cheaper area it won't be so bad.

22/23 is very young to settle down if you haven't done the things that are much more difficult to do once you *have* settled. If you can get the travel bug / year out / working abroad thing done earlier, the chances are you'll find much more about yourself and your relationship in that time to know if you want to settle down permanently - wherever it may be!

KiKi

ViolaLass

We had something similar in that if we weren't going to move abroad, then I had to do something about my itchy feet. It took a while to persuade my OH, but in the end, we dropped everything and went travelling for 18 months and got back at the end of this summer. We had planned to go for longer but OH was offered a very good opportunity here.

It's up to you what you fancy doing - you don't have to go travelling just because she wants to (in fact, you shouldn't do it just because she wants to) but if you like the idea of doing a bit of travelling, doing it together can be amazing. Equally, she could wander off on her own for a bit (which I plan to do once OH's business is a bit settled) and try to get it out of her system.

At 23, I wouldn't worry overly about being about to get a promotion. You're young and will still have the experience on your CV. If you'd like to travel, this is an ideal time to do it. It is scary, it does involve upheaval but it will give you fantastic experiences and memories. Try looking at https://www.workaway.info for a cheaper way to live/work in other countries - we did it in Italy and Greece.

jennikitten

Camp America might be another option. You should get paid enough to live on...and I believe enough to travel around America for a couple of months after. Could possibly even just take unpaid leave from work, depending on what your employers are like.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Why not learn another language then?

I understand your reluctance, but if all you do is offer negativity - no language skills, no job, no prospects, etc - then she might read that as 'I'm just going to stay here in the same job, in the same town, in the same house forever.' Which could be the kiss of death to your relationship if settling for a 'nice' existence is less appealing to her than 'exciting' or 'different'.

January20

Although learning a language is a very good idea, it is also a very slow process, especially as an adult (I taught in adult ed for 17 years so know what I'm talking about!) and holiday phrases are no good when you are trying to live and work in a foreign country.

On reading your post OP my first thought is to wonder why your partner wants to move away so badly. She reminds me of my dd a couple of years ago (she was 16 then) when she was having a really tough time and wanted nothing more than to run away - not realising that you take yourself along and therefore all the negative feelings too. It doesn't sound to me like she has itchy feet as in wanting to experience something different, but more that she is unhappy with her life and wants to escape.

I don't agree with the poster who said that at 23 you shouldn't worry about promotion. Actually, you should. It could set you up for life in a good career, with good earning prospects. (This is from a woman who sometimes wishes she had been less of a bohemian in her youth!) You have to think about how you would feel if you gave it all up today for your partner and then never achieved your potential. Would you resent her? Is your career important to you?

It's important to remember too that this recession we are experiencing is not limited to the uk but is pretty much worldwide, so chances of getting a job in a foreign country, whether you speak the language or not may be limited. There was a poster here a couple of weeks ago, writing about her daughter who had been in Australia for a while, unable to find work and finally decided to come home.

ViolaLass

January20 wrote: »

I don't agree with the poster who said that at 23 you shouldn't worry about promotion. Actually, you should. It could set you up for life in a good career, with good earning prospects. (This is from a woman who sometimes wishes she had been less of a bohemian in her youth!) You have to think about how you would feel if you gave it all up today for your partner and then never achieved your potential. Would you resent her? Is your career important to you?

While it's certainly true that the economic climate is a factor to be considered carefully, if they went travelling for, say, a couple of years, that wouldn't have to screw his career. He might gain a lot from it too - although that brings me back to my point that the OP shouldn't go travelling just because his girlfriend wants to otherwise it is not likely to end well.

OK, so getting a promotion at 23 would be great and might set you up for a career and good earning prospects. But travelling a bit first and then going back to work needn't be an enormous problem. It might set you back a couple of years but over a lifetime that wouldn't make such a big difference.

It all depends what you want out of life. At 23, there was no way I would have stuck in a job just because it had decent long term prospects but then, I was desperate to travel and it's allowed me far better experiences and opportunities than I would have otherwise had.

Travelling doesn't have to mean putting your whole life on hold, it can just mean pointing it in another direction.