Need help with my other half...

euronorris

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Why not learn another language then?

I understand your reluctance, but if all you do is offer negativity - no language skills, no job, no prospects, etc - then she might read that as 'I'm just going to stay here in the same job, in the same town, in the same house forever.' Which could be the kiss of death to your relationship if settling for a 'nice' existence is less appealing to her than 'exciting' or 'different'.

I have to say, that is the impression I am getting from the OP.

OP, if you really want to move abroad with her, why not make a plan, including a savings plan to make it a viable option for 2012 or something like that? If you don't want to do that, then I would suggest that you should reconsider whether you really want to move at all.

I didn't know any Dutch when I moved here. 2 years later and I am doing just fine! Most people here speak English so have had no probs with docs, dentists, council officials etc etc and have been learning the language since I got here.

What I would advise is to ensure that you a) have some savings behind you and b) have a job arranged (if poss). If your savings are large enough, you can work on getting a job once you've moved and even work in tourist bars/clubs to bring in money whilst you find something more suitable.

If you really want to do it, you'll find a way.

euronorris

January20 wrote: »

It's important to remember too that this recession we are experiencing is not limited to the uk but is pretty much worldwide, so chances of getting a job in a foreign country, whether you speak the language or not may be limited. There was a poster here a couple of weeks ago, writing about her daughter who had been in Australia for a while, unable to find work and finally decided to come home.

Some countries have been effected less than others, and some worse. Worth researching the country before making any plans, thats for sure.

But, with Australia, I wonder if that poster's daughter was restricting herself to the jobs she would do? My friend and her OH went to Aus in late October and both found jobs within a week. They aren't ideal jobs, but they keep money coming in to allow them to travel.

mrsg26

We are in a similar situation as you Op, although it is my DH who is keen to get away. His Mum lives in America and his dad lives in Australia and whilst we go regularly on holiday to both destinations my husband gets extremely depressed on way back. He hates it here and is reluctant to buy a house or establish any roots...even though we now have a 3yr old daughter. My frustration is that whilst I would also like to move away the reality is that there a number of barrier's preventing us from doing so. I would only consider moving if we could have as good as or if not better lifestyle than what we have here.I work for a major bank here and whilst it's adequate salary for a similar position is awful in America. My MIL consulted with an immigration lawyer and he advised it would b better if we got married and also if we had recognised qualifications that would support our application. so we took the advice and got married last yr(were planning on it anyway however hadnt set a date at that point) I also returned to full time education and I am now in my 3rd of university with the aim of becoming a qualified teacher. we applied to emigrate to US last July and received a letter in March this yr to say the 1st part of our application had been processed but due to lack of visa allocations and number of applicants they were only working on applications from 2001. So at least another 8 yrs of waiting and that is with an immediate family member willing to sponsor and support us. So now we are thinking of Australia however DH's dad is only able to add to our application..think the weighting is an extra 5 points or so for relatives living there. What we need is to apply for a skilled migrants visa and I have to have a recognised skill so that I can assessed before aplying. Sadly teachers are no longer in demand as they were however after 18 months of teaching I can apply to be assessed and then that may help our immigration status....Sorry for such a long winded post I am merely trying to point out that whilst it may be a great idea to move across the world its not just as easy as packing a case and going. I suggest to you that you both look into it and see if it is a viable option and if so then put plans in place however if it is going to be too difficult then I would certainly consider travelling. I am 27 and my DH has just turned 30 and I wished more than anything before we settled down that we had got that Visa in Oz for 1 year and added it into a RTW tour. I am so envious of those who have no commitments and are able to dothat! aGood luck and hope you and ur OH can come to a solution that will keep both of you happy.

Gleeful

KiKi wrote: »

Also, don't fall in love with the place as you categorically can't live there unless you have one of the skills on their list - which reduced this year from over 400 to around 192.


KiKi

Not my thread, but I'm surprised to discover both mine and my OH's occupations are on there.

Tish_P

22 seems, to me, very young to settle down. I appreciate everyone is different, but it sounds like your GF wants to spread her wings a bit and see the world. If she really longs to do this but ends up missing out, she will regret it, and resent you, and that will be no fun for anyone - in fact, worse all round than breaking up now.

So you have to have a long talk with her about how seriously you want to be together and what compromises you are each prepared to make. For example, what if she found a short term job opportunity abroad - would you go with her? or would you be prepared to wait until she came back? What if you both made a plan, like euronorris suggested, to gain some skills (language or otherwise) and save up to move in two years, or five? What about doing voluntary work overseas?

Good luck with it. I hope you find a way.

Nottoobadyet

I think this is a huge thing that you shouldn’t sweep under the carpet at all.

My OH and I are ending our 6 year relationship over an inability to talk about what we want from the future, and his dismissal of any effort that needs to be put into making the moves I want to make happen or to make compromises.

Of course you have no obligation to run off on every flight of her fancy, but dont risk making her feel like you are belittling her desire to move, or that you are looking for excuses by being unwilling to look into options. And if you go to Australia and end up coming back 3 months later without much money but with a pocket full of memories? You have plenty of years to make money ahead of you, and you’ll have memories to last the rest of your lives together.

I wish you the best of luck.

CDaniels1987

Thanks for all the replies, I have actually tried for about 3 months now to try and get internships or some kind of work in america (this is where she really wants to move to) but I have been rejected on everything, thing is she says its not about travelling she doesn't care about travelling she just wants to move and buy a house in another country, she keeps saying if we wanted it that bad we should just drop everything and do it, but I just dont see how its that simple? on a tourist visa in america you can't even look for work and we wouldn't have that much money to live on.

I have said we should make a plan for the next 5 years, I work for a company that have offices in America and once I get high enough im sure I would be able to ask for a transfer but she says she doesn't want to wait she wants to move to another country now!

Im sure we shall work it out and once again thanks for all the replies.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Why not start letting them know how keen you are now? That this is one of your life goals? You might be surprised how helpful they are if they know you are keen to broaden your horizons, rather than just sit tight whilst everyone else gets on with life around you.

FakeIrish

CDaniels1987 wrote: »

I have said we should make a plan for the next 5 years, I work for a company that have offices in America and once I get high enough im sure I would be able to ask for a transfer but she says she doesn't want to wait she wants to move to another country now!

I think this is probably the most realistic option if travelling is not something she wants to do. As for your girlfriend wanting to move to another country now, ask her to give you realistic solutions as to how you can do so without affecting your career and getting into debts.

In the end, she will have to make a choice as to whether she compromises with you and work toward moving abroad eventually. Or she moves abroad now on her own.

I think, as you know, she will find there is no chance she will move abroad to America now but this compromise will give her somthing to work toward. Us youngsters need to realise some things in life are worth waiting for.

kegg_2

I think she needs a reality check. Tell her if she wants to move to the usa then she needs to get herself some skills they want or she doesn't stand a chance.
My step sister and her oh moved to the US a few years ago as he has a skill that is in demand. She even after a good 5 years has no entitlement to work there.


She needs to grow up and realise that she cant just up sticks and move wherever she wants as they might not want her.