Need help with my other half...

tesuhoha

It was my daughter who tried to go to Australia on a working visa. She had savings but was unlucky enough to be ill during the first fortnight she was there. Basically she found it incredibly expensive there even though she watched every penny. Her money ran out. She was told that she had picked a bad time because the students were all leaving university. She managed to find work for three days doing a traffic survey and a week's admin at the Dept of Education. She did try bars and restaurants but I suppose the Australian uni leavers had priority.

I would certainly not in this climate recommend that anyone gave up a good job for the uncertainty of life in another country. My daughter only went because she had a dead end agency job and wanted to better herself. Unfortunately, even that was a gamble and it did not pay off.

January20

Thanks Tesuhoha. I knew it was you and your daughter but I couldn't remember your username properly! :-)

Bennifred

OP -WHY does your girlfriend want to live abroad so much? What does she think will be different from living here? Would she go without you?

She sounds quite unrealistic and immature to me. I completely understand the desire to travel and explore the world, but you say that isn't it. I also understand the desire to live somewhere specific that you have visited and loved, but it doesn't seem that is the case either! Sounds like she is running away from something, or thinks life would be easier/more exciting somewhere else? She needs to know that she will still be the same person (and so will you!) wherever in the world she is.

Filey

Bennifred wrote: »

OP -WHY does your girlfriend want to live abroad so much? What does she think will be different from living here? Would she go without you?

She sounds quite unrealistic and immature to me. I completely understand the desire to travel and explore the world, but you say that isn't it. I also understand the desire to live somewhere specific that you have visited and loved, but it doesn't seem that is the case either! Sounds like she is running away from something, or thinks life would be easier/more exciting somewhere else? She needs to know that she will still be the same person (and so will you!) wherever in the world she is.

---

Sounds a bit spoilt brattish to me too. Totally out of touch with reality. If she wants to do it that badly she should do some serious research and find out exactly what it entails. Otherwise it is just wishful thinking. What has she done to seriously find out about it?

[Deleted User]

yes op. Roll back the clock 40 years. I was the one who wanted to go to australia and my dh wanted to stay here, good job prospects, family etc. Being the type of person I was and am, I went with the flow ie he was the breadwinner and we both had to agree on that sort of major decision. I put it out of my head

In the meantime, 2 of my sisters went there and one of his to NZ. They are all happy and all have done well, in fact very very much better than they would have here. We have done well too and never ever think `if only` as fate has a hand in all this. My sister in law appears very homesick when she comes home, now that she is older but her roots are now firmly in NZ and she is happy enough

Bring the clock back to today and if any of my children wanted to go then I would support them wholeheartedly. Look at the future in the uk. Its a little overcrowded island and getting more so by the month

My advice would be to give it your best shot and go, while you are young and can

edit: not to the usa though

graemecarter

In my experience, people who 'hate' where they live and want to move need to do work on themselves.
When you move abroad, the one thing that doesn't change is you. You are still the same.

I know people who have done geographicals, and they are just as unhappy in the new country after one year.
If there is a specific reason like "I want to move to New Zealand to become a mountain guide" , then just moving countries believing you'll be happy there is madness

Vaila

if you truly want to upsticks, then maybe try working their for 6 months or so first, then you will get a better idea about job prospects,the economy living costs etc

my mum sold propert in spain for a few months but was glad to get back to blighty

Nottoobadyet

CDaniels1987 wrote: »

she just wants to move and buy a house in another country, she keeps saying if we wanted it that bad we should just drop everything and do it

I understand this - there is a great allure to being a foreigner all the time, almost as a lifestyle! I have been living abroad since I was 16 and (barring some family emergency that brings me home) probably will continue to be for the rest of my life. To be honest, I do the dropping everything and moving every few years, but yes of course you need a realistic plan.

She needs to be willing to do the homework, and needs you to be supportive. Does she know how difficult it is to get a mortgage in a country of which you are not a citizen? Does she have a plan for getting her first working visa, say by studying in America or doing a working holiday in OZ? Has she applied to the green card lottery?

Especially in Europe, this move really shouldn’t be insurmountable. But if she keeps blaming you (unreasonably, of course) for the fact that she hasnt gotten to do what shes wanted to yet, then you will have a problem. Maybe suggest that she makes arrangements herself to go abroad for 6 months or a year and you will follow soon after? That way she can a get an idea of the work involved, and you don’t have to sell the shop on a whim.

kegg_2

Anyone from the UK is not eligable for the green card lottery

victor2

You could consider looking for a job as an expat somewhere. When I was 24, I was bored and saw a job in Saudi Arabia that half interested me. Went for an interview and was out there inside a month on a 2 year contract. That was many years ago and the pay and benefits far outstripped anything I could earn in the UK. Stayed for 13 years before coming back - with a wife and 2 kids.:)
I knew it could never be permanent, but was an experience I wouldn't have missed for anything. Saw parts of the world I would never have considered being able to visit and have no regrets.
Might be something worth looking into, especially if you and the OH could look at jobs in a similar field. If not, concentrate on a job for you and let her be a kept woman for a while!

Edit: Just realised it might be tricky to get a job overseas as a couple if you are not actually married. Another topic altogether!:eek: