Real life MMD: Should I buy the girlfriend a present?

Marco12452

Go with your own feeling.

cakeordeath_2

I'd just get a present for her, she's the one taking the time and making the effort. Your uncle obviously couldn't care less about giving or receiving so use the money you would have spent on him to get her something thoughtful.

themadbird

tenuissent wrote: »

Make them something you can afford to make, to share between them. You can't just ignore her when she is trying to be friendly. Whatever you are used to making and don't have to fret over: a cake; chocolates; nicely decorated mackerel pât! (they can freeze it for later if they already have too much Christmas food); fudge in a nice bag; just some small friendly thing that doesn't take you a lot of time, but make sure it's clearly home made, and decorate it a bit.

Totally agree with you there Making something is much more personal and a hell of a lot cheaper. We did it last year - home made jams/curds and biscuits for people and they loved them. Hardly cost anything to make and were appreciated loads more.

Baileys_Babe

Like many others have said give them a joint present (bought or otherwise)

TBagpuss

I agree, get a joint gift for them, which is wirthin your budget, or make something such as home-made fudge / truffles.

It doesn't hurt to stay on good terms with family members, and it does appear that the partner is trying to be forendly and participate in family life.

Seakay

I may have read this incorrectly but it sounds as though the girlfriend bought gifts on behalf of your uncle and herself for his family using his money when he couldn't be bothered to. It wasn't clear if you got him a gift all the years that he didn't buy for you. If you didn't then he won't miss it now. Even if you did then essentially you are getting a gift from the two of them so you could reciprocate by getting a gift for the two of them together.
Gifts don't have to be expensive if they are well thought out. Bit late now but for next year think of the people you will be giving to when the sales are on or you are on holiday and see unique items for sale or when you have time to learn or practise a craft such as knitting, preserve making etc.
Actually, if cost is the issue then a lot of places have already started their sales now! Try to think of a joint gift that would be appreciated by the two of them - something referencing a holiday, interest, film or book that they share an interest in. Or give up and get the biggest box of chocs you can afford and really go to town on the wrapping and bows! (Do you have a TK Maxx nearby? Very cheap liqueur chocs there)

sarah*a

I buy all the gifts for my OH side of the family and have done since our first xmas together.

It's not unusual IMHO - most of the women in our families buy for the extended family - most of the men get off lightly by just buying for their OH - and as I don't work I have the time to source the perfect gift for each family member. But just because I don't work doesn't mean the money is HIS and I am 'spending it'. It's OURS and if I didn't buy gifts no-one would get anything - clearly also the case in this MMD.

Maybe the uncle never bought before because (a) he didn't really care or (b) have a clue what to buy .... maybe the girlfriend has come along and said 'hey mister - family are important' and taken it upon herself to strengthen the bonds between him and the OP. Maybe the uncle ASKED her to buy the presents - trusting her judgement more than his own?

OK - bragging about what you have bought is not really on - but maybe she was just trying to make conversation - or to get a response from the OP to show the uncle that the gifts weren't a waste of money or effort - the OP needs to think about how THEY responded too.

Originally posted by toastiest
If the girlfriend had gotten herself a temp job and used that money to buy the presents then that would have been much better and I'd bet that the questioner would have gladly returned the favour.

Why should she? They're not HER family - they are HIS family - and if HIS family begrudge buying HER a gift because she used (what they see as) HIS money to buy HIS family a gift why should she waste HER hard earned money on the ungrateful receipients? If I was the girlfriend you'd all get £shop smelly sets and I'd spend the rest on a treat for me and the uncle or make a donation to charity where it would be appreciated.

Anyway - in answer to the original question: If you have a budget (no matter how small) to buy the uncle a gift just use that figure to buy them a joint gift.

If the girlfriend doesn't feel that her efforts are being appreciated she'll stop putting the effort in and next year you might not have this dilemma as you'll be back to getting nothing when it's up to the uncle to buy the gifts.

pocketstrings

I really agree with tenuissent - why not make some nice chococlates or something? If the uncle is loaded he can buy everything he wants so something homemade may be nicer as he can't buy that. Although I get that it is annoying to have to make an effort for someone who doesn't make one himself.

As for him not shopping himself - I agree it is annoying when you put effort into picking gifts and there is someone who doesn't, but what can you do? Maybe she offered to do the bying or whatever because he is rubbish at choosing things. With family there is often someone you 'have' to buy for even thought you'd rather not. Just don't spend more than you can afford.

Brian_Steele

Tempting to buy one for her and ignore him, but you won't get away with that I don't suppose. Best option is to go for a joint present.

Judith_Proctor

Why not make her a gift, stitch or knit something?

Tell her that you couldn't afford to buy a gift, but that you really appreciated her thoughtfulness and thus you've made something by hand.

(Or, gift wrap your favourite ornament and give her that)