Real life MMD: Should I buy the girlfriend a present?

pineapple

By the sounds of it, if it wasn't for her - you wouldn't be getting anything! It sounds as if they are a couple anyway and as pointed out, it's quite common for one half to buy and another to foot the bill. For me, this would be more about the 'couple buying one present and the single person buying two presents' scenario. So just downgrade the gifts or get a joint one. Simples.

Talent

Don't be a skinflint.... but don't spend too much either....

tenuissent

Make them something you can afford to make, to share between them. You can't just ignore her when she is trying to be friendly. Whatever you are used to making and don't have to fret over: a cake; chocolates; nicely decorated mackerel pât! (they can freeze it for later if they already have too much Christmas food); fudge in a nice bag; just some small friendly thing that doesn't take you a lot of time, but make sure it's clearly home made, and decorate it a bit.

toastiest

I think you guys may have misunderstood. There was nothing in there to say that the questioner would have gotten the Uncle a present if the girlfriend did not use his money to get them a present i.e. all the years before they never bought for him but because they knew that the girlfriend did buy for them last year, they felt that they had to return the favour (when they never did in the past and probably would rather not going forwards). It sounds like the resentment is towards the Uncle for being a thoughtless person and they'd rather not receive anything from the pair of them in the first place - or at least something bought with his money.

You guys also assumed that the girlfriend was being friendly. I'm sorry but it is very easy to give when you had to give nothing up for it. I would buy all of you a present very gladly if Martin said here's all the money go shopping! YAY! It's no skin off my back. Then I come around here and brag about how well I did patting myself around the back.
There is nothing worse that someone who thanks themselves. I will always big someone up if they are humble and modest but if they are sitting around so pleased with themselves already I find it so much more difficult to be thankful.

If the girlfriend had gotten herself a temp job and used that money to buy the presents then that would have been much better and I'd bet that the questioner would have gladly returned the favour.

PS my advice would be to tell them that because of money issues, just in case they had something planned you'd rather not receive a present from them this year as you'd didn't feel that it was right not to be able to return the favour.

scoobydoobydoo

She has made the effort and shown that she wants you to receive gifts from them when your Uncle has never bothered. I would say that she deserves a gift more than your uncle does!

Her "taking the credit" seems to be an issue for you, why is this? She *should* take the credit! He has spent all these years not being bothered and she takes it on herself to do something nice for his family. There seems to be more to this than what is posted. Why should it matter that she used his money (do you have proof of that? Perhaps they pool their money and it is as much hers as his. Or she paid but let his family know that he did so they thought the gifts were from him
). You mention that he is wealthy, again why is that an issue? If someone gives a gift, how much money they have in the bank has no bearing, a gift is a gift end of!

I suspect that you just dont like the girlfriend and dont want to give her a gift! I think that you would be a much nicer person for accepting her into your family and treating her the same as everyone else.

MattLG

Why is this an issue? If you don't want to get someone a present, don't get them one. This is Christmas, not the Gestapo. If you feel obliged to get someone a gift, it's not a gift, it's a tax.

If you have a genuine reason for not getting someone a present (like being skint) or you just don't want to get them one, don't bother. It's no big deal. It's Christmas, enjoy it and stop worrying.

MattLG

onlypaddy

buy the girlfriend a present and not the uncle, if he cant be bothered to get up off his lazy a$$

minerva_windsong

Token joint present - something like a bottle of decent wine.

gaily

My christmas got expensive when I realised that the teacher needed a present (and the teaching assistant) - this is for twins as well, the cleaner, secret santa in the office - which are all new presents from last last year. Therefore, if i knew that I was getting something (possibly expensive) from the Uncle, then I'd get something back - Thorntons chocolate/ champagne truffles from M&S or something similar - nothing expensive, but a quality branded item within a reasonable price range, and gift a joint present.

Now having 2 small children, we tell people, that they should get something for them, rather than us, and this year for the family I haven't sent gifts to, I'm going to burn a disc of the photos taken of my boys at christmas and send these out with the Thankyou letters.

A free present that whilst being late, can be enjoyed by the family if they want upto date photos of the kids - which they are always asking for anyway!!

It's the thought not the expense that counts.

wendysn

I would buy the girlfirend a present. She has put the effort and thought into it. I would also be appreciative that she had bothered at all rather than criticising her for making the effort.

It isn't uncommon for the women in relationships to do the gift choosing for her own and her partners family, she should be thanked. God knows most of us aren't!