Am I Going to Jail?

whipped

I hope I am posting in the right forum if not hopefully someone will be able to help.

This is a very long story and I will try and keep it simple and to the facts.

In 1994 I was forced in to an arranged marriage with my cousin. Yes even males can go through this too even though mostly it happens to women. I was at that time 21 years old and various family members literally forced me in to this marriage and due to the severe pressures I agreed, and live with the regret and scars today.

In 1996 my wife came to join me in the U.K and we did not get along from the first day. She returned back to her country so that we could have a break for a while and was at that time a few months pregnant. After she returned there arose doubts over how many months she was pregnant as the doctor's reports and the scan she had showed that she was 5 months pregnant when she had only been here for 4 mths.

Anyway she returned to the U.K in Dec 96 with her Uncle and had the baby. I was not trying to blame or make her out to be anything, but as there had been doubt as to the when the baby was conceived I had a right to know the paternity of the child. Bitter family feuds erupted and both sides of the family relationships brokedown.

All I wanted was a paternity test. My ex refused me a paternity until I agreed to let her live with me. I was already not happy and on top living with this doubt made things worse. I agreed many times to pay for the paternity test but my x and her relatives would not agree. It took almost 6 years to get this test done which was paid for by me but arranged by her. It turned out the child was mine, although in the back of my mind I still believe that this child is not mine.

I am not an irresponsible person, or vindictive and would never abandon this child if I knew 100% it was mine. People may say that I am a bad father or person but I am not and that is a true fact. During those 6 years of trying to get a paternity test I offered my x £50 a week but she always refused and would only accept if I took her back, I could not do this as it would not be fair on her me or the child to live in an unhappy relationship.

At that time I was working and the CSA contacted me. I told them the whole story but they were not interested and started to deduct money from my wages. Shortly after this I suffered a nervous breakdown and had to leave work. I have not worked since neither have I applied for benefits. I look after my old disable mother and live with here at home. I contacted the CSA and informed them that I had no assets or savings.

My current situation is that I have received a summons from court to appear in Jan 3 2011 and the CSA claim that I owe them a debt of £39k.

I have never had any contact with the child as my x refuses me to see him without taking her back. During to the severe family breakdown and my grandmother passing away through all these disputes I never applied for contact either, as this was a very bitter battle that continued for years and still has not stopped.

I do not drink, take drugs or womanise, or anything else that is bad. When I got married and returned to the U.K I became very ill and went to see my G.P who diagnosed me with an underactive Thyroid Gland and I have severe health problems because of this.

My question is that I am in great fear that I will go to prison or lose my driving licence as these are the powers given to the CSA and the courts. I have only recently been trying to sort my life out and believe that I will be able to get a job very soon working for a friend. If at the end of the day I have to pay this debt then I will but there is no way that I can afford £39k, and the CSA want all of this money upfront and have advised me that the court will not look at any excuse I may have.

People who are in my situation have no way out and no help available. I admit I have been living like an ostrich with my head buried in the sand but apart from killing myself to escape this mess I cannot see anyway out. There are many family members who have made my life a living hell since I got married and still are. Yes I should not have gone through with this marriage but at that time listening to the elders was a must, and final. You had no say at that time.

I wrote to my M.P who has kindly written to the CSA and questioned why they have let this debt build up so high, but yesterday the letter I received from the CSA has given me 7 days to respond and I do not know what to do.

Please could someone advise or help. Feel free to shout and tell me that I have done wrong and should have been more responsible, but at the moment I really do need some proper help and advice, even if it is to tell that I have no help and everything is over and I have to go to prison.

P;S; The CSA did take a few deductions which they have not shown taken from the total amount, I know its not much, about £80 a week for a few months.

ekkygirl

My brother also had similar dealing with th CSA and had to remortgage his house. His son is 26 and he is still paying the arrears. The debt never goes away but if you have no income you cannot pay. If you own a property they may be able to claim some of then equity if there is any. They have more power than any other organisation and they are also the most incompetant imo

viktory

I feel so sorry for your child. A child that has been utterly neglected by you. A DNA proves paternity - why is that not enough for you?

Instead of whinging about your problems you should consider the long term damage you are doing to your child - you are irresponsible. You say that you'd never abandon this child if you knew 100% it was yours - but that has been proven and you have abandoned it! The child is now 14 years old!

Shame on you.

corbyboy

whipped wrote: »

All I wanted was a paternity test. My ex refused me a paternity until I agreed to let her live with me. I was already not happy and on top living with this doubt made things worse. I agreed many times to pay for the paternity test but my x and her relatives would not agree. It took almost 6 years to get this test done which was paid for by me but arranged by her. It turned out the child was mine, although in the back of my mind I still believe that this child is not mine.

Why did you spend all these years trying for a paternity test if you are going to dispute the results if they aren't what you wanted?

You say she refused to accept £50 per week from you, but you should have put it away in a bank account just in case this exact situation happened.

You are making yourself out to be the victim, but the child is the victim here. You have neglected and abandoned him and called your paternity into question when you have proof.

To answer your question, it's unlikely you will go to prison, but it's a possibility that is there. But it's time to take your head out of the sand which is where it has been for the last 14 years. Get some legal representation and get in contact with the CSA. Get a breakdown of the charges. You definitely should have kept them up to date about your work situation because it's going to be difficult to prove your income from such a long time ago.

Courts do tend to be fair and if you have no savings or property then they won't say "pay £39K in 10 days or your are going to prison."

Good luck.

Kimitatsu

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Kimitatsu

It turned out the child was mine, although in the back of my mind I still believe that this child is not mine.

I am not an irresponsible person, or vindictive and would never abandon this child if I knew 100% it was mine.

The child is yours - you have stated that you have had a DNA test which are 99.99% accurate and this child is yours. You can refute it all you like but that proof is good enough for a court of law and so you need to accept that you need to pay for this child.

Did you inform the CSA you were no longer working? Have you asked for your file under the data protection act?

You need to take responsibility for the entire situation, and start talking to the CSA. Explain that you have no income - they will ask for proof which you will need to provide, and contact nacsa at www.nacsa.org.uk for further support (they also run an advocacy service at a reduced cost) You can also get help from your local mental health team or CPN through your doctors surgery.

Why have you not applied for any benefits? You would almost certainly have been entitled to Income support if not incapacity benefit, or possibly carers allowance if your mother is on DLA. You would then be rated at a flat rate of maintenance and will not acrrue further arrears.

You are unlikely to be sent to prison at this stage, but you do need to take steps to show that you cannot afford to pay these arrears and check that they are correct.

jamespir

viktory wrote: »

I feel so sorry for your child. A child that has been utterly neglected by you. A DNA proves paternity - why is that not enough for you?

Instead of whinging about your problems you should consider the long term damage you are doing to your child - you are irresponsible. You say that you'd never abandon this child if you knew 100% it was yours - but that has been proven and you have abandoned it! The child is now 14 years old!

Shame on you.

thats hardly fair he states he tried to pay for the child but the x and her family refused

whipped

Thanks to all who have replied. I understand that some may say that I am bad and have been negligent too.

I am not trying to play victim or feel sorry for myself either, never have or will........but until you are or have been in a situation like me you will never know how difficult it is. This may sound the cruelest thing in the world to say but I honestly and truly do not have any feelings for this child. I have tried so hard for so long to try and make myself feel something but nothing is there.

Maybe there is no excuse for what I have done but I am being honest. For the first 7 years I tried everything I could to compromise, and it resulted in nothing. You will never understand being in an asian family that when so many people get involved and start to take sides how bad things can get. I blame my parents for putting me through this, mostly my father...........and at the end of the day yes the child is the real victim but it did not have to be like this if it was not for my x and other family members.


I am going to the CAB tomorrow to see what they advise as it is about time this comes to some kind of end. I always told my x that I would be happy to see the child but she always said that only if I got back with her, then I would have to apply to the courts to see him.

I refused to get embroiled in any legal action as that is what she wanted so this could drag on forever, yes the child suffered but not because of me. I am sick to death of all the fighting and everyone using each other and playing minds, this stress killed my nan and that is why this mess has reached this far.

This is not a case of me being irresponsible or bad to the child, as there is a much bigger picture behind what has happened, ok for people to judge but until your in this situation no one will know how it feels.

I am not one to play victim, far from it. Just have had enough of everyone taking advantage that's all

jamespir

whipped wrote: »

Thanks to all who have replied. I understand that some may say that I am bad and have been negligent too.

I am not trying to play victim or feel sorry for myself either, never have or will........but until you are or have been in a situation like me you will never know how difficult it is. This may sound the cruelest thing in the world to say but I honestly and truly do not have any feelings for this child. I have tried so hard for so long to try and make myself feel something but nothing is there.

Maybe there is no excuse for what I have done but I am being honest. For the first 7 years I tried everything I could to compromise, and it resulted in nothing. You will never understand being in an asian family that when so many people get involved and start to take sides how bad things can get. I blame my parents for putting me through this, mostly my father...........and at the end of the day yes the child is the real victim but it did not have to be like this if it was not for my x and other family members.


I am going to the CAB tomorrow to see what they advise as it is about time this comes to some kind of end. I always told my x that I would be happy to see the child but she always said that only if I got back with her, then I would have to apply to the courts to see him.

I refused to get embroiled in any legal action as that is what she wanted so this could drag on forever, yes the child suffered but not because of me. I am sick to death of all the fighting and everyone using each other and playing minds, this stress killed my nan and that is why this mess has reached this far.

This is not a case of me being irresponsible or bad to the child, as there is a much bigger picture behind what has happened, ok for people to judge but until your in this situation no one will know how it feels.

I am not one to play victim, far from it. Just have had enough of everyone taking advantage that's all

jusy ignore the self righteous idiots on here there always like that they seem to have a deep resentment for nrp

all you can do is explain your self in court

they wont send you to prison straight away its scare tactics (they will give you a reasonable amount of time to pay )

whipped

Kimitatsu wrote: »

The child is yours - you have stated that you have had a DNA test which are 99.99% accurate and this child is yours. You can refute it all you like but that proof is good enough for a court of law and so you need to accept that you need to pay for this child.

Did you inform the CSA you were no longer working? Have you asked for your file under the data protection act?

You need to take responsibility for the entire situation, and start talking to the CSA. Explain that you have no income - they will ask for proof which you will need to provide, and contact nacsa at www.nacsa.org.uk for further support (they also run an advocacy service at a reduced cost) You can also get help from your local mental health team or CPN through your doctors surgery.

Why have you not applied for any benefits? You would almost certainly have been entitled to Income support if not incapacity benefit, or possibly carers allowance if your mother is on DLA. You would then be rated at a flat rate of maintenance and will not acrrue further arrears.

You are unlikely to be sent to prison at this stage, but you do need to take steps to show that you cannot afford to pay these arrears and check that they are correct.

Thank you kimi for such a sensible reply and advice. Yes I did do a Data Request and I believe that the CSA figures are not correct. I have informed the CSA every step of the way on my situation, they know all my details.

Last time I received a letter from them was in March 2007, then now.........so they have left this matter for over 3 years and are now taking me to court. My M.P has written to them asking for info and why they have let this debt build so high. I have never said that I would not pay and have always kept in touch.

I need to be in court for the Liability Order the CSA have applied for and wanted to know would I need to make a statement in writing of everything? or would have to say everything orally? Yes I will follow the links you have given, thanks

jamespir

Voyager2002 wrote: »

, I agree with Viktory. I feel very sorry for your child, and I think your behaviour is disgraceful. People like you really should have no place in Britain. I think that you belong in Afghanistan, and I regret that there is no legal process for removing you from the UK.

disgusting comments people like you are sick :mad::mad:

ive reported you for racist abuse