At what age do you stop giving gifts

cats_whiskers

Hi all

I don't want to sound mean but just thought I would ask for some advice from you as regards to what other people do.

We have always given gifts to our nieces and nephews but now some of them are grown up and earning money and can buy the things they want. Also a couple of them are either married or living with partner and in the past few years we have also bought for the partner.

I suggested to my OH that once they are 21 then we just give a card and a token gift, ie bottle of wine or box of choccies. This has been accepted by my side of the family, although we still have some littlies. However, OH side of the family have taken offence even though they know that money is tight for us this year. I don't want to fall out with the in laws over this but can't see a way round it. What can I do?

Cats

victory

16, my brother rang up one day and said he was broke and could not afford to keep buying us all xmas presents, so we came up with under 16's xmas present-over just a card, that makes 10 under 16's and it is cheaper more maneageble that way.
Once past 16 they are no longer kids and the xmas thing is not so exciting, make it a rule on both sides 16 and below yes, 16 and over -no!! xx

1012donna

Aunts and uncles stopped when we were 16. In fact I think a few stopped before then but we do have a huge family. It's impossible to buy for everyone, it makes it far too expensive.

MrsTinks

The cheek of taking offence! I think this is so sad of todays world you know... Surely everyone knows that giving a present isn't about the value! And besides if anyone gave me a bottle of wine I'd be chuffed! (Then again I love wine... and chocolates for that matter...) - I can appreciate that you don't want to fall out with the in-laws but if they are this materialistic especially if they know money is tight then frankly I think bah humbug to them! It's the thought that counts, not the value of the present!

Lord_Gardener

Only give if you can afford to do so. Hopefully, your OH will put their family straight!

Queen.Bess

I think that token presents are just fine, I'd be chuffed with a bottle of wine! As others have said, it shouldn't be about the amount spent, but about the spirit of good wishes during the festive season, and remembering why we exchange gifts in the first place!!

miss-sixty_2

We have this problem with DH's side of the family.
We're 24 and recently married, but have lived together for 3 years.

On my side of the family we buy presents for:
My brother, his wife and their children
My other brother
My parents don't want presents and don't buy us anything either, although mum is taking us all on holiday at half term instead

On DHs side of the family we buy for
His sister and her fiance
His mum and step-dad
His dad and step-mum
Both sets of grandparents
Two aunts and uncles
2 cousins (aged 15 and 14)

We also buy birthday presents for all of those people on DH's side. In our family we send a card. I send money to my nephews if I can afford it at the time, but all 3 of them have birthdays in Dec/Jan

It's the accepted thing in his family, although I've always thought it was excessive, but we really can't afford it this year as DH is currently out of work

embb

Personally I'd give them nowt, ungrateful so and sos :rotfl:

In my family once we'd reached the age of 16 token gifts were given, I thought this was normal lol anyway, you do what you want to do and what you feel is right, they should be grateful to get anything, I would be

comping_cat

We stopped at 16, although for the 2 'special' birthdays (18 and 21) do something special then. I would explain to OHs side that the over 16s will now be getting a token gift and if they dont like it tough, they should be grateful that someone has actually thought of them at all!!!!

kathyd_2

Why don't you ask the family members you want to stop sending to, how they feel about it all? They might feel exactly the same as you. It could just be 'other' family members being unreasonable. Good luck!

bulchy

I'd say 21. I'm expecting my sil to be huffy about this too, OH's sister. When we suggested her kids were too old to buy easter eggs for a few years ago, (her kids were 18 and 19) she stopped buying for my 2, even though they were only 10 and 12 at the time. Bit petty I know, but we've bought for her kids since they were born, but it looks like, once we stop buying for hers, shes going to stop buying for ours, regardless of the age difference. My kids wont be bothered, they arent spoilt brats, but hers are.
I still buy for my oldest nephew and his girlfriend, hes 26 but hes always been more like a son to me in anyway, long story, and OH agrees with buying for him, but thats gonna stop soon now that his GF is pregnant, baby will be getting the money spent on him/her from now on :j
Sue