At what age do you stop giving gifts

cats_whiskers

Hi

Thanks for your support and suggestions. It is helpful to know that it is considered normal and acceptable to stop giving to children once they are grown up and I'm not just being mean.

Will just have to see how it goes. Wish me luck.

Cats

stressed_mum_5

hi I had the same problem last year my family have only bought for the children for years and just given the adults a card. The children are now growning up and have partners of their own although there are still some young 'uns with ages varying from 2 to 23. We agreed once the children reached 21 we would stop giving presents and just a token gift of wine or something small for the house or nothing depending on financies this was accepted by all.
However hubby's family which is much smaller always buy for everyone as we have 3 kids and the largest family we stated last year we wouldn't buy for the adults and just get for the children this resulted in lots of hostility and my 42 year old sister in law on the phone in tears on christmas day saying we had ruined her christmas as we gave to her partners children and not her !!! It was unbelievable more so when mother in law agreed with her !!!

I have decided this year I am sticking to my guns and if I upset them again that is there problem not mine !!

Good luck and merry christmas

recovering_spendaholic

I am in the same position. I have bought for my neice since she was born and she will be 22 in December. Her Mum (SIL) never had any money so I always bought her main present, which often cost in excess of £100. My kids only ever get £10 in an envelope and some sweets from SIL. Neice has grown up to be totally thoughtless and selfish and never sends even a card for my Birthday or Christmas, and this year neither SIL nor neice sent cards or presents to DD's. Yet SIL still rings up every Thursday saying that she is desperate and can I "lend" her £10, which I am so spineless I often do. I never see it back though. This year I have decided that I am going to send Christmas cards to them both, with a bottle of wine for SIL and £10 in an envelope for Neice's birthday and for Christmas. I know there will be ructions but given that my husband (SIL's brother) P*ssed off and left us 5 years ago after 17 years of marriage I don't think I owe them anything.


I also buy for my own sisters, but intend to continue to do so, and for my best friend and her kids (10, 12, 16 and 18), but they do the same for us so that is fine.

Just read this back and realised I sound like a right moaning cow, so sorry, but I have been reading all these Christmassy threads and got myself all upset because there will just be me and DD's for Christmas as my sisters are disabled and best friend lives a distance away, and I feel that the kids will miss out having no presents expcept from me, and husband left at Christmas so it is always an uspetting time - sorry to go on.....

bulchy

Jane, you dont sound like a moaning cow. I think your SIL is lucky to have you, and shes an ungrateful cow for treating you this way. So sorry that christmas brings back unhappy memories. It cant be easy for you.
Sue

kathyd_2

recovering_spendaholic wrote:

I know there will be ructions but given that my husband (SIL's brother) P*ssed off and left us 5 years ago after 17 years of marriage I don't think I owe them anything.

Hey cheer up Jane. Sounds like you got the best deal when your husband p*ssed off - just a pity he didn't take his greedy family with him

emmaBZ

for a few years now we just said to al family we couldnt really afford anything and said for everyone to only buy for the kids..... saved a lot of hassle this year we set a £5 limit for every one

tinselfairy

I have 4 cousin's a lot younger than me and they have been more like nephew's and niece's. The last time I give Christmas present's to them in the year they are 18. No birthday presents after that either, except the special 21st.
The 2 still receiving presents get whatever bargains I manage to pick up for them during the year to the maximum spend of £5 each.

tee_pee_2

we buy for the children, my hubby is 1 of 5 and we only buy for the neices and nephews, apart from his brother who has no kids so we buy him a gift. The older nieces and nephews are having kids now so now we just buy for their kids. Works for us.

They always bought us gifts until we had DD and now they buy for her.

TheRehn

I like to make/give gifts so I give them to a lot of my extended family, but they aren't big, I did book thongs one year for older relatives (a cord with some beads on to use as a bookmark) and also I have done earrings, hairclips, personalised notebooks (I got some A6 jotter pads and attached a fun postcard to the front). These are essentially token gifts, but not so boring/predictable etc. as wine or chocolate (unless you know that's what they want), try socks, mugs with choccy in, gloves, cheap 'fashion' jewellery (some nice necklaces in wilko! or a few bangles for a £1 in primark, claires can be cheap sometimes too) or a card game for a young adult or a couple, a photo frame, housewares, christmas tree ornament (if you can give before/on christmas day, something made by your children(more popular with older relatives), a jar of homemade jam/pickle/curd/chutney.

I'm am kind of thinking of what I like to give and receive and I must admit I am a bit disappointed when I get a 'box of chocolates', cos usually they hardly seem to have any in and I would like something more exciting, but not neccessarly more expensive (Actually I never buy boxes of chocolates because they seem over-priced!)

Oooh homemade mixes are quite good token gifts too, (try this recipe for chewy brownie mix in a jar. If you buy flour, cocoa etc in bulk these will be way cheaper than wine or choccy's, layer the mix into jars(these can be recycled ones), print and stick a label on the front and add a fabric circle on the top, they look super-classy, (especially if you use a layered mix) and everyone will be thrilled!

Also I would like it if a relative wrote in my card 'Instead of a christmas present I'll go shopping with you' or gave me a 'voucher' (maybe you could do a voucher for 'a nights babysitting' 'a homecooked meal' (good for Young Adults/students) 'a long chat on the phone after the holiday busyness' and pop in their card.

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Just re-read your post I think you can give cheap 'token' gifts that won't offend the rest of your extended family just by making it something less generic than choc/wine. Try a limit of £3 for over 21s (i'm 21 and some of my rellies just get little things for me), added to the things suggested above, a scarf, belt, recipe book, smellies (a cute little set in wilko for 78p), there is less ideas for guys, but try second-hand things related to a hobby, my bro's godmother got him 3 football videos from a charity shop for a £1 (yes they were old, but he wants to see old matches) and he loves it and guys love FOOD, however they tend to go for quantity rather than quality so try a basket filled with a pack of biscuits, a cake and whatever (just from the supermarket, not fancy kind), guys always seem to be hungry!

mintymoneysaver

My Aunties bought me presents until I got married, then it became something for the house, and then once we had children the presents went to them and OH and I get a bottle of wine.
Seems perfectly reasonable to me. My two nephews are 22 and 20 and I still get them a present, but if and when they get married I will do the same.

I have 2 sets of friends though and we have always bought for each others children, our children are 12 now so I suppose we will have to discuss at some point in the future when we are going to stop.