At what age do you stop giving gifts

newcook

[...I suggested to my OH that once they are 21 then we just give a card and a token gift, ie bottle of wine or box of choccies. This has been accepted by my side of the family, although we still have some littlies. However, OH side of the family have taken offence even though they know that money is tight for us this year. I don't want to fall out with the in laws over this but can't see a way round it. What can I do?

Cats[/QUOTE]

miserable toerags!!!! what ever happened to christmas being about peace and goodwill to all?!?! they sound like ungrateful and uncaring so and so's to be honest especially as they know the money fronts not to rosy for you at the mo. one way around it would be to buy them a present as a family (couple of tins of chocs and couple of bottles of wine) I do this for my brother and his partner (i buy the kids pressies aswell) and they get stuck into them xmas night when the kids have gone to bed (they have 6 kids:eek: so the alcohol goes down a treat!!!!)

cats_whiskers

Hi all

Thought I would just give you an update. My OH was speaking to his family on the telephone last night and he broached the present subject again, ie we will give a gift to OH sister and BIL but not to the children who are now grown up. They have suggested not getting for them but still getting gifts for their children aged 26,23,20 and their respective partners. They cannot understand why giving to the children stops at a certain age and is normal in many families. They think it is to do with us not having children therefore we do not understand and as we do not have our own children to buy for then we should be generous with theirs.

However, I feel that Christmas is for young children and I always buy a gift for all the children we know including friends children and neighbours children even if it is only something small as I like to think of them having lots to open on Christmas Day. Funny also how it is usually the children we have given a small gift to that we receive a thankyou letter from.

This whole family scenario is making me quite angry. :mad: We only see them every couple of months and we always have to make the visit to them. We do not and never have spent Christmas with them although we have to make a visit to them prior to Christmas to give them their gifts. I have always felt we have been generous with gifts over the years and often give not just at Christmas and Birthdays. Also I know you don;t give to receive but we seldom get anything back from the now grown up working children, in the past SIL has wrapped up a token gift and signed it with all the childrens names and those of their partners.

Anyway I think I have ranted enough, the more I think about it the more I am tempted to buy a charity gift between them all like a goat. It may give them something to think about.

Sorry to go on
Cats

fran_from_willesden

A couple of years ago I didn't have much money....certainly not enough to buy presents for the masses of cousins/aunts/uncles I have. Instead I made lots of biscuits and mince pies and then put them in a plain box with some nice ribbon (from the market!). It meant a couple of days frantic baking but everyone was quite pleased with homemade biscuits etc. As an idea...I think I might do it again....adn it was cheaper then loads of presents!

chardonnay_2

jane your sil has a cheek to come begging from you especially as you are a single parent with your own kids to worry about. next time she phones begging for a loan explain money is too tight and if she needs money perhaps she should ask her brother or the rest of her own family.

to be honest i would just send a card and nothing else they started the trend of not sending presents so if they say anything just explain that you were following their lead.

chardonnay_2

cats whiskers i was just going to ask if the "children" bought you presents but i read on and you said that their mum sometimes wraps a token gift from all of them. that is terrible, how much do they expect you to spend?

i would speak to your neices/nephews directly and explain that from now on as they are grown ups you will only be buying them a token gift for xmas from now on, as money is tight and you also don't want to put them under pressure to reciprocate.

i only have two aunties i buy for, as my mums side never bothered sending us presents when we were wee. i would never expect them to buy for me if i didn't send them presents bought with my own cash since my first saturday job. your inlaws are coming across as being very greedy.

chardonnay_2

i've just had another thought, as your sil suggested not buying for them and for their children instead, tell her to forget the exchanging of presents as money is too tight, and that she should instead spend the money she would have spent on your presents, on her children instead, if it is that important that they are spoiled.

Amanda65

cats_whiskers wrote:

Anyway I think I have ranted enough, the more I think about it the more I am tempted to buy a charity gift between them all like a goat. It may give them something to think about.

Sorry to go on
Cats

I think this is a great idea. My aunt passed away last year and although her and my uncle had stopped buying for nieces and nephews they had started buying for their great nieces and nephews. My poor uncle didn;t have a clue what to get so each of the children got a card saying that he had bought x number of trees (total was total number of great nieces/nephews ie one each) in my aunts memory. It certainly made us all stop and think on Christmas morning about how lucky we were to be together x

XOO

This is one that I would like to tackle at some point, my niece and nephews are 25, 23, 22, 20, 19, 15. My husband and I have been buying for them since we were 16 (19 years ago). Our own children are 13, 11 and 6.
I feel if we were to stop, as they are too old, then they would stop buying for our children, I know you shouldn't buy to receive, but I feel ours would be missing out.

Jo_anne_2

This point has been bothering me too. I normally buy a present for each of my nephews at Xmas (normally send money for birthdays but like to get a gift at Christmas), and I had the idea in the back of my mind that we would stop when they get married. However, they are now in their mid to late 20s and not a sign of settling down! I really struggle now to think of a suitable gift for them.

amanda40

In my hubbys side of the family, we bought for the kids until they left school - then easter eggs, birthday pressys and christmas presents all stopped. We just told them - sorry once you are a grown up, we don't buy as we don't want to put them in a position where they feel they had to buy for us. We don't buy for any of the adults, in oh side either apart from his mum. On my side we do buy for the adult but I only have 2 brothers and 4 neices and nephews. They are all over 17 now, but they make such a fuss and effort with my kids I like to buy the all something each from the boys.

I think your other halfs family are being extremely selfish - what about suggesting a lucky dip for the ADULTS ie over 21, where you just all pick a name out the hat and spend £10.