Student Loans 2012

setmefree2

jennifernil wrote: »

We have forgone holidays abroad to help our children through Uni. Both graduated with no debts.

Our parents did it for us, we did not expect to do other than the same for our children.

Brilliant! I want to do that too.

setmefree2

melancholly wrote: »

i'm sorry that comments i've made have been interpreted as being so nasty and personally offensive to the OP. they weren't intended like that and i think such vitriolic posts aimed at me aren't helpful or indeed necessary. people can disagree, but they can also disagree like adults. this thread is getting very nasty and it doesn't have to be. there are lazy students and there are interfering parents.

Melancholly you use such judgemental adjectives you are bound to get posters backs up.

Furthermore, you do seem to believe that "all" parents are interfering and bad news. That's ok, that's your opinion - but don't expect posters not to argue with you.

setmefree2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

At what age would you stop being financially responsible for your children - 20, 30, 40, 50?

Personally, I would love to help my kids through college. I would also really really love to pay for their weddings (tee hee). Also. I would love to give them a deposit on a house!

What would you rather we do with our money? Buy a Porsche, BMW, Merc. (I drive a 10 year old Renault Scenic by-the-way and love it). Drink ourselves stupid, buy lots of shoes (I hate them) and handbags (I have one nice Radley handbag why do I need another?)

We want to help our kids - nothing wrong with that in my book.

setmefree2

jennifernil wrote: »

As parents, we would help our children if they needed it, no matter how old they were.

Our son, now 40, recently moved house, there was the possibility he might need a little help with a bridging loan for a week. We offered to help.....as indeed did his student sister (yes, some students do have savings).

Your child is still your child, be they 20 or 60, or anywhere in between.

It's not about being resposible for them in that case, just about wanting to help when possible.

jenni I think we are twins! I so agree.

setmefree2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

When I was forty, I felt that it was my job to help my parents with money, not the other way round!

Why? Your parents are grown ups they can look after themselves.

Didn't they feel guilty taking money of you when you should/could have been helping their grandchildren?

melancholly

setmefree2 wrote: »

Melancholly you use such judgemental adjectives you are bound to get posters backs up.

Furthermore, you do seem to believe that all parents are interfering and bad news. That's ok, that's your opinion - but don't expect posters not to argue with you.

actually, i think your response to my post says enough. i said nothing about you at all and you have chosen to take it personally. i have not in any way suggested that all parents are interfering. (and it's just a fact so that that some parents cross the line to be interfering and that there are students who are lazy..... i can't see that as contraversial! quoting one sentence out of context is also not really the way to make a point.)

i have specifically said, on a number of occasions, that nothing has been intended as an insult. your personal interpretation is clearly your right, but is, in this situation, misguided. if you can't see that, there's nothing i can do.

chaostheory

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

When I was forty, I felt that it was my job to help my parents with money, not the other way round!

My parents never lifted a finger to help me as a student or beyond and, as a consequence, I will never a lift a finger to help them, ever. Frankly, they can rot.

LauraW10

melancholly wrote: »

i think parental help is vital - whether they give money or not, help is about equiping them with the skills to cope with whatever budget they have. i just think that at 18, students should be able to work out weekly budgets and not have to have parents making such day to day decisions for them. it's all about where the line is and obviously that is subjective.

I do think it is very naive for anyone to think that parents will be happy to write blank cheques for education without asking where that money is going. This will be true whether it's their kids who are spending the money or the universities.

The world has changed and everyone in higher education needs to get used to it.:) Think the USA were parents are very heavily involved. Nobody is suggesting that parental involvement is damaging to US students long term development.

Personally, I think you're over-reacting.

Parents have much to teach their kids and that doesn't end at 18 (no matter how much those who work in higher education would like it to:o).

The_One_Who

setmefree2 wrote: »

I was a student once so I know what's it's like. IMHO Briish universities are a breeding ground for alcoholics! For that reason I dread my kids going to Uni and I can tell you so do so many parents. I think it's dreadful that British Unis do nothing to stop this dreadful drinking culture. Many of my friends hate seeing their kids being turned into drunks.

But there it is. Students have to go to Uni. All we can do as parents is to keep pointing out the downside of alcohol and hope that we have managed to set a good example.

The university isn't responsible for an adult's choices to drink. No one is forcing the student to drink alcohol, in fact one student bar here provided free soft drinks. The university isn't "turning" anyone into an alcoholic, and neither are the numerous bars, clubs and off-licences that surround university campuses.

Alcohol in itself isn't a bad thing, everything in moderation.

I have to say some recent posts on this board are quite shocking with regards to what the university is/should be responsible for. It is an education and research institution, not a nanny service.

minerva_windsong

I have to say, I did know students that would ring their parents up and complain they needed food money when they'd spent it all on going out drinking or sprees in Topshop, but they tended to be the ones from more affulent backgrounds. My friends and I, who were on reasonable amounts of money either from our parents or through part-time jobs, were much more aware of the 'when it's gone it's gone' element. I know that if I'd been really desperate and starving/couldn't have paid bills my parents would have bailed me out, but at the same time it would have been through my own decision to spend money on non-essentials so I felt it was my responsibility not to waste their money on stuff I could do without.

On the drinking thing, I admit I had a couple of bad nights when I was a fresher, but that was partly because I'd never really drunk before outside family parties etc and wasn't quite aware of my limits, and I soon learnt my lesson. I do think that £10 all you can drink clubs and £1 a drink nights don't exactly discourage it, as well as a lot of the drinking thing that seemed to go hand in hand with the sports clubs at my uni, particularly the rowers, but certainly in our freshers' week there were options for the students who didn't drink, and most of my friends were pretty sensible - we maybe had one bad night a term if that, but my normal night out drinking was two or three JD and Cokes and lots of water/Diet Coke as spacers, and equally I had a couple of friends who were teetotal and still enjoyed the university experience. I'm personally of the view that if you educate teenagers sensibly about drinking (as in, one or two is fine but drink water or soft drinks between alcoholic ones and don't mix your drinks), and don't make it this big forbidden thing, then generally they'll make good decisions - it was the ones whose parents had been very 'booze is bad' that went particularly mad as freshers and suffered the consequences.

Re: parents giving their children money when they are older, my parents paid for both my sisters' weddings and put one of them through uni as they did for me (they would have paid for my other sister to go but she chose not to), and bought a fair bit of the baby stuff when my sisters had children, and they'll do the same for me if I choose to get married or have kids. I like earning my own money and would rather split the money for, say, a wedding three ways between myself and my OH and both sets of parents, but I know my mum and dad will want to help out and I'm grateful for the offer.