Rethinking your life....

margaretclare

Your love story is wonderful Margaret, has your DH got a younger brother? Apparently I scare men away as I'm very independent so maybe that's something else for me to work on.

DH has a brother 10 years younger than himself but I would not wish him on my worst enemy. He's a bombastic, pretentious fool basically, who always seems to land on his feet smelling of roses no matter which way up he's dropped into the s**t. At present he's out of the picture anyway, he has a lady he lives with and they've recently bought an old farmhouse in the countryside near La Rochelle, France.

I don't think being independent is necessarily a bar to happiness. There are some men who seem frightened off by us independent women but there are others who are not. DH is a strong, independent character himself and he appreciates those qualities in me.

When he was at the end of a dreadful, abusive marriage I offered him the chance to move in with me 'if it gets really unbearable'. I couldn't believe I heard myself saying it. Certainly I never thought of doing a thorough risk assessment, weighing up all the pros and cons, although some of the women I knew told me what a big mistake I was making and why couldn't I be content with widowhood and living on my memories?

Sometimes an opportunity arises and you just have to seize it with both hands otherwise it will slip away and you'll never know where it went, or why.

downshifter

margaretclare - a lovely post! Wish I could click several more thank you boxes but am only allowed one. My sentiments entirely.

DS

seven-day-weekend

I agree too MargaretClare, I love your story.

My husband and I got married after knowing each other only four months, after we had met on a blind date, but we were only in our very early 20s - people expect you to take risks then but not in your 60s. I think it just shows that if you are that sort of person then it is in your blood, you will always be that way inclined.

I'm glad to say my husband and I made it, forty years together in 2011!

chalky_75

Just listen to your heart and follow your instincts. Have a positive attitude and think of others first. Think of life as an adventure and dont plan too rigidly. Flexibility allows you to treat unexpected twists and turns as a challenge not a battle
Take time to laugh every day and do things you love --- take time to savour the things you may have missed when working.
Love Life and Good Luck

margaretclare

chalky_75 wrote: »

Just listen to your heart and follow your instincts. Have a positive attitude and think of others first. Think of life as an adventure and don't plan too rigidly. Flexibility allows you to treat unexpected twists and turns as a challenge not a battle
Take time to laugh every day and do things you love --- take time to savour the things you may have missed when working.
Love Life and Good Luck

Absolutely - I couldn't agree more.

7DWE, you said people expect you to take risks in your 20s but not in your 60s. I think DH and I both felt at that point in our lives that we had little to gain by hanging on to the status quo and had nothing to lose, everything to gain, by taking the leap forward, which we did - thank God!

Since then we've met people who are living in awful circumstances - a man I grew up with whose sister told me he'd been married for 40 years but he too was a 'battered husband'. DH said 'Tell him to pack his bags and go, just get out, leave before either she kills him, or he flips and kills her'. 'Oh he'd never do that. They've been married for 40 years!'

Or, 'he/she can't leave, what about all the furniture?' DH walked out practically in what he stood up in, all his worldly goods packed into a rusty old car. He left a houseful of furniture behind, mostly what he had bought. He also gave up his half of the equity in the property in return for keeping his annuity and a 'clean break' divorce. He has no regrets. He's often said that by now either he'd be dead, or she'd be dead and he'd be in jail. You can only push someone so far.

As for me, I had never invited a man in, never for so much as a cup of tea, although I'd sometimes gone out for a drink with guys. None of this ever came to anything, but DH and I were on the same wavelength from the word 'go'.

seven-day-weekend

How lovely Margaret.

Yes I agree, go with your instincts, because you never know what is going to happen.

A friend of ours took early retirement at 58 and he and his wife went to open a B&B on the Algarve in Portugal, which was their dream. He dropped dead suddenly at the age of only 61. BUT he had had two years of living his dream. If he hadn't seized the opportunity, he would never have done so.

How many people, I wonder, never even attempt their dream because of 'the children', 'the inheritance', 'the house' or even as you state 'the furniture'? These things do have to be considered of course (apart from the furniture!), but with a bit of creative planning you can usally manage something.

We knew that we would not want to be in Spain for evermore, so did not want to sell our UK house. But we could not afford to run two homes. So our son lives in it with his girlfriend and a lodger and their rent pays for this house. The house provides a home for three young people and accommodation for us (albeit a bit cramped) when we are in the UK. So it has worked out well.

We also did not go over the top in Spain as many people do and did not use all our money buying a huge villa with a pool in Marbella; we have a small terraced village house (with no land) up a mountain. Other people could maybe choose to rent cheaply. This way you can often afford to keep a UK property.

When we return for good, we will (hopefully) sell our Spanish house and get enough money to buy a two-bedroom flat in the UK. Either we or 'the kids' will live in it, depending upon location and circumstances at the time. Whoever does not live in the flat will live in the house. Whatever happens, there will be a flat available for us for our frail old age. (Unless of course the Spanish property does not sell, which is likely if the market does not improve. In this case we will have to go onto Plan .

As I say, you can usually realise your dream with a bit of planning. This way works for us, but other people will find a different way.

Whatever your dream, grab it if you possibly can and don't wait a moment longer than necessary.

lilac_lady

I love reading about people who changed their lives when other thought they were "too old". I left a 32 years old marriage after being miserable for many years. My only regret was that I hadn't done it 30 years earlier.

I love my life now and however long it lasts I won't be stuck in a poor relationship saying "if only I had the courage..."

You can change your life for the better at any age.

mardatha

I have the same problem Downshifter. I agree with all posters re life being an adventure & not being rigid - that's my philosophy too. But the problem is now that I don't know what I want to do, don't have a dream in my head at the moment ! :mad:
I "retired" with ME at 55, never once regretted it or wished I was back at work. But I'm finding it hard to find a new direction, seem to be aimlessly getting up and floating through the days. Quite happy-ish but there's something missing & I cant seem to find it.
I had problems with the OH when he took early retirement at 61 and went on pension credit. He was very difficult at first and I got him all motivated - he went back to his love of bikes and bought a Suzuki Bandit - but I can't seem to motivate meself !

Savvy_Sue

get on the back of the bike with him Mardatha!

mardatha

Oh yes, I do. We spent many years on bikes, OH didn't get a car until he was in his 30s. It's currently in our spare room, keeping warm & cosy in this bad weather :rotfl: