New to the board...shakily posting on behalf of broken mum

bigdec

If you are going to do the talking for your mom when CCCS call you will have to have sent them a letter from your mom saying that she is giving you permission to act on her behalf or they will not speak to you because of the data protection act .

I had to do this for my brother as he was not able to speak to then either and it was the only way they would let me speak to them

evie451

Hi Lucyeff
I read your original post but I didn't have anything to offer you but a well done for helping your mum.
Remember she might have got to the end of her tether with the debt letters and just needed to let of steam/tell someone about it. It sounds like she doesn't really want you to deal with it now she has told your Dad/CCCs so you will just have to stop trying to help her for your own sanity, listen etc if she wants you too but don't get caught up running about for her you have your own busy time coming up with the baby.
I speak from experience here. My mum is the same I get crisis phone calls about various things I give advice or offer to help but she just does what she wants anyway this has led to major costly financial blunders over the years. She changed houses three times getting worse/more unsuitable each time. I reckon she lost about £20,000 when she finally sold. :eek:
Think of it this way you have done your best for her and taken the initial sting out of the situation for her it might be best to withdraw a bit now.... giving her the MSE book is the best present she will receive!! but you can't make her read it!!:rolleyes:

Lizbetty

Hi everyone, I really feel for anyone else who's had this to deal with, it'd be much easier if it were my own problem, iyswim but its hard when you're trying to steer someone who doesn't want to be steered. It must be even harder for you Glitterari, being the only one to sort it out, esp without support from such as the CAB.

Me and my sister don't speak these days (long story) and I know mum won't tell her how much crapola she's in to the penny as my sister will probably freak out and not really cope with it herself very well, which is useful..although I'm very tempted to put everything I've done on disk (lists of debt, letters, etc) in December and hand it to my sister to deal with as I don't see that I'll be doing it with two babies to juggle!

My mum does seem to want me to help - albeit doing all the bloomin admin! I'm not sure if I'm managing to offer her emotional support, which is the frustrating thing, if I was then maybe she'd listen a bit more. I do think she knows most of the time what a mess she's in, but she just tries to put it out of her mind otherwise she would be a complete wreck (instead of mostly one, which tbh she is, her hands are shaking most of the time these days).

Anyway, she spoke to the CCCS this morning. I left her to it rather than trying to prompt her, and tbh, although they were helpful, it was a bit of a disappointment. I think maybe mum didn't know what to ask/say. They've offered her a debt repayment plan which is enough to scare the living daylights out of anyone (she'd be paying £560 pm til she's 68 and still might be taken to court). They said an IVA wan't an option because of the equity in the house.

I've spoken to her some more about bankruptcy, and putting the house in Dad's name, and I think she's coming round to the idea that it might well be the most horrendous thing short term, but it'll stop her killing herself over 10 years worrying about her debts constantly and still getting letters and threats of court action, which the debt management plan would undoubtedly do.

We can't find a black and white answer at the mo - it seems that they still could take equity from the property even if they do the transfer, but tbh, it's probably the safest option for them despite that. We rang Debt Free Direct too who sounded a bit more positive about the IVA route and bankruptcy (I know they're make money out of these things though) - I'm sure when mum speaks to them tomorrow (she has another day's leave put in) they might convince her that they are real options. She still feels it's the most shameful horrific thing though.

I just wish we'd not pinned as much hope as we had on the appointment today. More work tomorrow I guess!

Psykicpup

Sorry I cant help but here's a huge hug!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lizbetty

And today...The doc has put my mum on tablets for her nerves (I'm sticking with the cake and chocolate approach).

And...Debt Free Direct have said that an IVA would be the best option, working out at £375 per month for 5 years (rather than £560 for 10 years debt management plan with CCCS).

Sounds a bit too good to be true. I'm off for a lie down.....

Xbigman

Your mum should ask debt free direct what the situation with the equity in the house is. If she pays for 5 years, taking her to 63, and they then expect her to take out a loan to release equity, she will be god knows how old before she pays that back. They may know something I don't so you had better ask.

As for putting the house in your dads name before going banrupt, that is of course illegal. Hiding assetts is seriously frowned upon by the official reciver.
If the equity in the house is small she might be able to go bankrupt and have your dad (or even you) buy out the equity in the house. If you can do that and go bankrupt it would be the best way out given her age.
Regards



X

Lizbetty

Thanks XBigman. I did ask them about the equity situation - it's one of those very grey areas as far as putting it in dad's name goes (either that or they couldn't reach the book that told em, lol!). It was a friend how suggested that they transfer it to my dad, but you know what it's like - I think they know someone who knows someone who told smoeone to do that, whether it worked or not's a different matter!

CCCS said that it she might at any point during the debt management plan have to release equity as court action could still be taken by any creditor at any point whether the plan is stuck to or not, and that it didn't make a difference whether the equity is in my dad's sole name as mum has a personal interest.

Debt Free Direct said that they may look at the equity in the property after the 4th year, but then any equity release would be based on their circumstances at the time, and so would have to be affordable, which is good. Mum might or might not be retired by then. This is all 'might', he said someone would get back in 6-8 weeks with more info once they've had her papers. But I know she wants to carry on working as long as she can anyway - which is another reason bankruptcy frightened her as she would hate to lose her job.

I'm a bit cautious about this IVA thing as it does seem like the perfect answer, and we daren't pin our hopes on it.

Thanks again for your advice :A , it's really hard getting my head round this sometimes as you can't take a step back and think logically when you're in the midst of it!!!

Lucy

Lizbetty

Just a quick update on what's been happening.....things're still looking a little blurry at the mo as mum's sent all her paperwork off to Debt Free Direct and we're waiting to hear back. Dad has still stopped smoking, but has started having nasty digs at mum which is making her hands shake even more than they did before....

It looks like our new baby will be here sooner rather than later - I've had a 'show', which doesn't involve stage make up or fishnets tights I can tell you, lol! - The midwife said it could be up to 2 weeks before the baby's born (I'm only 34 wks now) so it's put us on red alert. :eek: Not good when you have a hole in the hallway wall (not cashpoint stylie, unfortunately, either!) and the house is upside down.

Mum's not being very capable at the mo (one comment yesterday was 'ooh, isn't it dragging on with all these phone calls and letters...') and I can't see me being much use in the coming weeks. Every time she comes round I end up having practice contractions! So I put everything, letters and all, on disc with instructions for my sister to deal with (who isn't working and has no kids and has been through something similar years ago with her now husband, so should be able to help surely???), and passed it to mum along with a letter for dad telling him to lay off and explaining what's happening (as mum won't talk to him herself as he doesn't listen to her), and instructions to mum telling her to go to the CAB with my sister in tow for moral support (when I told mum, that was met with 'but I haven't any time cos of work!' grrrrrr!!!!!!), and to keep up with docs (again with sis in tow) if her nerves don't improve on her tablets.

I must admit, I feel absolutely crappy for passing it all over. Mum seemed upset that I was being so hard on her about her getting stuff sorted out a bit herself, but she's doing a lot of sitting and waiting and not doing anything constructive in the meantime. She said she's still got her hopes up for the IVA but if it goes belly up in 8 weeks and the creditors have to wait any longer for some sort of decent solution, I'm worried what'll happen.

So that's where we are. I'm just hoping my sister takes it all on properly and manages to get mum towards sorted. At the mo, I seem to be doing the donkey work while my sister takes mum out the day after for a cuppa (on mum) somewhere where there's a lot of shops to 'destress'. Not very useful.

I will keep on posting cos I'm hoping that at some point I'll have some very good news and I'll be able to let everyone know she's sorted out and how she did it. It's a long road but I'm sure she'll get there (even if she is shuffling on her backside, lol :rolleyes: !)..... Ta again everyone for your support and advice, and for letting me offload! I best go now as my better half will be shouting at me again for being on the computer when I should be in bed asleep. Life in the fast lane...........:o

sheryldoc

Good Luck with your baby.. I kno its hard but remember u need to try and be as relaxed as possible at the moment.. your doing the right thing getting ur sis involved.. your priority is your wee baba @ the mo..x

Hugs..x