can you help resolve a disagreement please

amibovvered

Does he buy anything for you or your OH for birthdays? If not, does he buy for his own parents? It does go both ways, you know! I'd probably do as others suugest and buy a token gift.
:santa2:

shellsuit

Yes I would buy for him.

I've been with my husband for 8 years (married 2 months) and only last year did I get a bday card and gift from his parents after receiving nothing beforehand.

I wouldn't mind, but my bday is the day before my OH's, so forgetting or not knowing is an excuse!

My parents have always bought for my OH, they treat him as one of their own, and sometimes spend more on him than me, which doesn't bother me at all, but just goes to show that they don't treat us differently, unlike his parents.

JimmyTheWig

Three points...

1. Absolutely yes, buy him a present. For all the reasons given above.
2. Would love to know the reasoning of the person who has voted "no". [Or the reasoning of you / your OH, for that matter.]
3. At least two people have suggested Lynx sets. I've never known a male of any age who _wanted_ a Lynx set. If it's what he uses then it's no more exciting than being given a tube of toothpase. If it's not what he uses then there's probably a reason for that! Nothing wrong with keeping it cheap, though. Chocolate or beer is probably ideal.

Heart_Shaped_Diamond

Yes! I've been with my OH for two years and my parents buy him birthday and Christmas gifts, as do his parents with me.
My OH I and also buy presents for one anothers parents too. This year he has bought my mum a yankee candle and i've bought her the shade and plate to match. And we don't yet live together. But who is to say he will not be their son in law one day? If it's potential and likely then if I were your daughter's son, I would maybe feel a little offended that I wasn't being treated as a member of the family after four years. Unless he is a bad person, and you do not like him/want him to be your son in law?

I know you don't always have to spend money on people. But it's nice to show you care and that you accept them into your family, no matter how big or small that something is.

7roland8

Glad to see most in support of giving a gift - but I expect both your daughter and her boyfriend won't expect anything for him as thats the way he's been treated for yrs!

Nieec called last christmas with her new boyfriend/partner and we gave him a small gift - why leave someone out deliberately?

Mind you after all these yeasr they might find it odder if you do now give a gift - as they are used to you as you are!

Edit - see nothing wrong with Lynx (3 for 2 at tesco working out at £2.22 a box!) - most men like it - or will use it anyway - and its the thought that counts - but perhaps the messages you have been giving him have also been counting - but not in a good way.

Lunar_Eclipse

7roland8 wrote: »

Yes - but why ask after 4yrs?? Would have been giving a small gift from yr one.

I agree; I was quite shocked to see that someone feels otherwise.

I buy my kids best friends a gift for their birthday, and they're still of school age. I think it's just such a nice gesture, nothing to be read into it beyond that. The simplest, cheapest thing would suffice, including token homemade items. I suppose I like making people feel valued and bringing them a moment of happiness on their special day.

Lunar_Eclipse

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

3. At least two people have suggested Lynx sets. I've never known a male of any age who _wanted_ a Lynx set. If it's what he uses then it's no more exciting than being given a tube of toothpase. If it's not what he uses then there's probably a reason for that! Nothing wrong with keeping it cheap, though. Chocolate or beer is probably ideal.

I agree with you, except to say that most 12-14 year old boys I know use it.

I hate the stuff personally and would never buy it for an adult, whether they use it or not. My reasoning is the same as yours; I'd think it would be a bit odd to receive the roll on deodorant I use for my birthday or Christmas. I think it's slightly different for teenagers, perhaps.

That said, I've seen several mentions on MSE about people giving hampers of ordinary daily toiletry items as Christmas gifts, something I also find strange. Although for those living in poverty or extreme debt, it is a practical, thoughtful and sensible choice. I tend to think of gifts as small indulgences or things people couldn't justify buying for themselves (although I know that varies!)

DianneB

Why would you not buy this guy a present? seems a bit heartless not to include him.

maisiescamp

Definatey yes, I also think is it strange that you not only have to ask but 4 years down the line? I would think it incredibly rude if you didn't.

kelloggs36

I would too - my mum has always treated my hubby like her own son and buys him birthday and Christmas presents. Unfortunately the same can't be said for his side of the family - I don't get an acknowledgement on my birthday at all, but get a very cheap, naff present at Christmas - I am grateful for the thought, but don't really feel part of the family properly - even though we've been married for 14 years!