I keep losing my..............

elfen

Have been a VERY naughty girl this weekend.

Went to get Kai a new tower, as his was playing up, but whilst I was there I got myself an iPad! Spent about a grand in one shop, so that wasn't a good thing, but I've been using this near non-stop, have my spreadsheet, my spend diary, my uni books, my weightloss tracker and all my other uni stuff on here (oh and music, oh and research) so it is VERY useful. Kai loves his tower and admittedly so do I, it is really snazzy and the old one is going to my dad, we shall be going there next weekend.


But today, I have:
Checked bank, moved money from savings
Checked surveys, will complete in the morning
Research - got 10 books out, through 2 and onto my third
Went jogging, I sound like an old man so have to give up the smokes, so not much of a hardship really tbh.
Also had a VERY bad food day but know I need to sort it out or I'll be yoyoing and bingeing forever and I can't have that.

Resolutions for tomorrow:
Another book research
Jog
Swim
No ciggies
No crap
Stick to food plan

elfen

week 5 run 1 is done, went swimming today and did 6 lengths so am really proud of that!

Done 2 more books in research and now starting the massive pile of readings to see if anything there is relevant, then mark it up and look back later

elfen

need to catch up I think.

Me and Kai have split up. Mainly because he expected me to change too much; i mean, he wanted me to cure my bulimia with no help and moaned if I gave in. I didn't need that. The Champix made his a different person, snidey and snippy, and he promised last time he was on it if he went on it again he wouldn't be the same.
But he was, he was worse, I'd get up worried not knowing what mood he was in, not knowing if he would be nice or evil. He'd make a comment, I'd bite, make one back and leave the room so as not to get stressed, but then he'd whisper under his breath something - he wondered why I was getting worse not better, and now he knows. Admittedly it is partially my fault for biting, but it was either that or them get worse and worse.
He also said he wouldn't get how he was, stressy and angry, but he was. He got stressed and shouted over nothing. It wasn't just that, it was the paranoia around me taking my phone to bed (cos I need the phone for my alarm), cos I put it in my pocket all the time (yeah, so when I was busy I didn't have to run and rush around to find it), when I went to uni and talked about male students he got !!!!y, and about my lecturers.

I came home for the weekend, he was getting snippy and trying to blackmail/guilt me into not splitting up, btu it was too late, way too late. I've asked him to try and be gone ASAP, and I've been on FB and he's told his mum etc etc....so now I look the bad one for wanting him gone. I can't trust him, he is too unstable and a risk. I still feel pretty numb, but also quite upset as I don't know how he's said it or what he's said about me to other people, so I won't be on FB for a while - just until it calms down.

Have had a half decent day, spent the morning with mum in town and been spending time with mum and dad, but I can't concentrate or settle to anything. I'm scared of what I'm going to go home to tbh.

katenut

Hi honey, just popped over from the NSD to check you're OK. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, you need someone who is good for you, not someone who you have to be on tenterhooks all the time with. Don't worry about what's been said to whom, it won't change your life in the long run and it just doesn't matter

Hope you don't mind me popping in!

Kate xx

beanielou

Take care Elfen.

elfen

thank you guys, its really appreciated

katenut

anytime, i've had a lifetime of rubbish men so anytime you want to rant feel free! hope u feel better soon xx

elfen

katenut, I know I'll feel better when he moves out...well a bit better anyway.

Cancelled Germany and got 2/3 refund back - 174 so not to be sniffed at. Will probably use some to get some homey bits.

elfen

Home now.

Spent the afternoon sorting the flat out, the rooms are now changed; bedroom in the front room, front room in the bedroom and I quite like it!
Caught up with a lot of reading, just need to download the rest

beanielou

Sounding good elfen.