Difficult Teenager in the house

peachyprice

Melaniep101 wrote: »

No - not a joke! She's been on the pill for some time due to period pains. I just really dont like to come home from work to find my daughter "in the middle of things" with her boyfriend, maybe I'm old fashioned but I just think its disrespectful.

But you yourself said that you have more of a sister relationship rather than mother/daughter, the upshot being she doesn't repect you and your home the way you now want her to. She probably can't see why you suddenly want to change the relationship you've always had because she's doing things you don't like.

candygirl

Melaniep101 wrote: »

She's still at school - admittedly doing well, it's just at home she plays up.

My DD now 23, used to be the same, apart from the stealing.They are bl00dy hard work at this age, but do grow out of it eventually, mine only has now her own DD is nearly two :eek::eek::eek:
Keep reminding her of the house rules;)

poet123

Melaniep101 wrote: »

This is more to offload really, but if anyone has some constructive advice, I'd be really grateful...

My daughter turned 16 in October and its getting to the point where I don't want her in the house anymore. As I had her when I was quite young, we have more of a sister type relationship, rather than mother/daughter. She's always been fairly confrontational, but knows right from wrong and underneath it all she is a nice person. But at the moment she is really testing my patience with everything, to the point last week when I came home from work slightly earlier, to find her upstairs in just a dressing gown with her boyfriend there. I realise she's over the age of consent, but I find it so disrespectful that she thinks it's acceptable to be sleeping with her boyfriend in our house. To cap it all, she even had the cheek to lie and say nothing had been going on.

I'm really at the end of my tether with her, she's started smoking, she's out drinking and partying all weekend, she's clearly sleeping with her boyfriend and she thinks that myself and my partner should just accept all this as shes a teenager. She's what my partner calls "an accomplished liar", and doesnt appear to care about anyone but herself. She's recently started stealing money off me and is always in my room seeing what make up and clothes she can help herself too.

Theres no point in grounding her as she'll just go out anyway, we've taken the internet and her phone away from her, and she behaves herself till its all switched back on but then goes back to her usual self.

She also doesnt lift a finger around the house, its a constant battle to get her to clean her room, let alone get here to help me around the house. She doesnt see why she has to pull her weight as we wont hand over a tenner every time she does the washing up.

I'm so mad with her and I feel like my blood pressure is going through the roof - What can I do to help the situation?

Mel

I have to say that I suspect that the root of the problem lies with the part I have emoboldened. When kids reach late teen years if you have that kind of relationship with them it does affect how seriously they treat your "rules". They see them as optional, whereas if you have always had clear demarcation lines it is not so much of a shock to them.

Not much help I know, but it may help to understand why she is ignoring your reasonbable requests, just as she would those of a friend if they did not suit.

MissMotivation

Admittedly my Daughter is only 12 but the principle is that same. Make her earn her privileges. If you goes against your rules than she loses her privileges.

Having sex with her Boyfriend whilst in your house is a no-no, if she insists on breaking this rule than I would not allow her B/f in the house full stop!

Smoking, well she can only smoke if she has the funds to buy fags and if she is not doing her chores, respecting your wishes then she gets no money!

The stealing is a difficult one, I'm all for a "short, sharp, shock" report the theft to the Police and let them deal with her.....I bet she doesn't do it again!

Blackpool_Saver

Are YOU and partner smoking? you didn't answer me......... I have arranged for the second time for my son to go to an antismoking service as he wants to stop.

I have had to help and advise my son and his girlfriend about condoms, etc and now the implant appt. When they go in his bedroom, that is thieir private place, I ask that they dress to come downstairs and do the deed at night, why do yours do it in the day time, is it because you won't let him stay at night?

Compromise and lead by example. You say you have a partner staying there, do you two drink/smoke and have sex in view of her, are you two married? did you bring men home while she was growing up?

Jinx

My thoughts are that you have to have a calm chat about the boyfriend and reiterate what you expect. As you say, she is over the age of consent and nothing you say will stop her - tell her what her options are (I would prefer a steady bf stay over but I certainly wouldnt want it flaunted either and I wouldnt do it to her!!) Perhaps she wants to tell you abou the bf or shock you, you might find her happy to talk...

If shes nicking your stuff, get a lock.

I wouldnt do her washing or any chores for her, shut her bedroom door and Id put her stuff thats left around the house outside at the end of the week if she wont sort it.

No cash if shes doing stuff with it you dont agree with, if she wants to smoke, tell her to earn her own money.. I cant afford to smoke, can you?

I would absolutely NOT contact the police over the nicking stuff....if she receives even a caution from them, it can show on a Disclosure Scotland (or CRB I think it is in England) check her whole adult life and may affect her job prospects for the future.

Melaniep101

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

Are YOU and partner smoking? you didn't answer me......... I have arranged for the second time for my son to go to an antismoking service as he wants to stop.

I have had to help and advise my son and his girlfriend about condoms, etc and now the implant appt. When they go in his bedroom, that is thieir private place, I ask that they dress to come downstairs and do the deed at night, why do yours do it in the day time, is it because you won't let him stay at night?

Compromise and lead by example. You say you have a partner staying there, do you two drink/smoke and have sex in view of her, are you two married? did you bring men home while she was growing up?

No - we don't smoke or have sex in view of her :eek:
Not married but engaged, I split up with her father a long time ago.

No to bringing men home while she was growing up, I was always concious of setting her a good example.

Blackpool_Saver

MissMotivation wrote: »

Admittedly my Daughter is only 12 but the principle is that same. Make her earn her privileges. If you goes against your rules than she loses her privileges.

Having sex with her Boyfriend whilst in your house is a no-no, if she insists on breaking this rule than I would not allow her B/f in the house full stop!

Smoking, well she can only smoke if she has the funds to buy fags and if she is not doing her chores, respecting your wishes then she gets no money!

The stealing is a difficult one, I'm all for a "short, sharp, shock" report the theft to the Police and let them deal with her.....I bet she doesn't do it again!

How old is your eldest miss M? I think you may have a shock in store when she gets older, said all you are saying when my son was 12

Blackpool_Saver

Those against sex in the parents house, where do you suggest they do it?

Blackpool_Saver

Melaniep101 wrote: »

No - we don't smoke or have sex in view of her :eek:
Not married but engaged, I split up with her father a long time ago.

No to bringing men home while she was growing up, I was always concious of setting her a good example.

I didn't mean sex actually in front of her..
I am so glad to hear you have set the same example that I have, I don't smoke, drink or have men to stay. It just shows that no matter what we do these kids will be difficult. So, what I said before stands, compromise is the way forward, meet her halfway, make home a nice place, go out, you and her alone and reach a settlement that suits you both.

I spent many many nights crying and pacing scared sick where my son was, you don't want to have that trust me, at home is better.