Difficult Teenager in the house

Melaniep101

This is more to offload really, but if anyone has some constructive advice, I'd be really grateful...

My daughter turned 16 in October and its getting to the point where I don't want her in the house anymore. As I had her when I was quite young, we have more of a sister type relationship, rather than mother/daughter. She's always been fairly confrontational, but knows right from wrong and underneath it all she is a nice person. But at the moment she is really testing my patience with everything, to the point last week when I came home from work slightly earlier, to find her upstairs in just a dressing gown with her boyfriend there. I realise she's over the age of consent, but I find it so disrespectful that she thinks it's acceptable to be sleeping with her boyfriend in our house. To cap it all, she even had the cheek to lie and say nothing had been going on.

I'm really at the end of my tether with her, she's started smoking, she's out drinking and partying all weekend, she's clearly sleeping with her boyfriend and she thinks that myself and my partner should just accept all this as shes a teenager. She's what my partner calls "an accomplished liar", and doesnt appear to care about anyone but herself. She's recently started stealing money off me and is always in my room seeing what make up and clothes she can help herself too.

Theres no point in grounding her as she'll just go out anyway, we've taken the internet and her phone away from her, and she behaves herself till its all switched back on but then goes back to her usual self.

She also doesnt lift a finger around the house, its a constant battle to get her to clean her room, let alone get here to help me around the house. She doesnt see why she has to pull her weight as we wont hand over a tenner every time she does the washing up.

I'm so mad with her and I feel like my blood pressure is going through the roof - What can I do to help the situation?

Mel

Lokolo

No xmas for her then?

Blackpool_Saver

I am sorry but it is this a joke? you don't know you are born help her get sorted with contraception and be glad she is at home where you can keep an eye on her safety.
If you try to stop it you will drive her away and she will be doing it somewhere maybe less safe.

Edited to add, the smoking I don't agree with, I assume you and her dad don't smoke, that really must stop.

Don't keep her short of money, meet her half way then she wont have to steal.

Make home a nice place or she will leave, she can you know, she is 16.

BitterAndTwisted

They're a bit like toddlers sometimes. They make demands and throw a wobbly and you stay calm and be quite clear about what you expect. To be honest, even though it may not feel like it, you are holding all of the aces. She wants stuff: you have the leverage. In order to earn privileges she needs to take part in what goes on in the household, and by privileges I mean meals cooked, laundry done, stuff like that.

If she's drinking, smoking and partying all weekend where is she getting the money from?

Oh, and get a lock on your bedroom door. Stealing from you? That's beyond the pale.

Jalapee

Does she have a job? or still in school?

MissMotivation

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I am sorry but it is this a joke? you don't know you are born help her get sorted with contraception and be glad she is at home where you can keep an eye on her safety.
If you try to stop it you will drive her away and she will be doing it somewhere maybe less safe.

Edited to add, the smoking I don't agree with, I assume you and her dad don't smoke, that really must stop.

Don't keep her short of money, meet her half way then she wont have to steal.

Make home a nice place or she will leave, she can you know, she is 16.

Do you suggest rewarding her for acting like a brat?

OP....make sure there is no money in the house and don't give her any money, that way she can't buy cigarettes!

Lokolo

MissMotivation wrote: »

Do you suggest rewarding her for acting like a brat?

OP....make sure there is no money in the house and don't give her any money, that way she can't buy cigarettes!

And she might get off her a*** and get a job. Win win situation!

Melaniep101

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I am sorry but it is this a joke? you don't know you are born help her get sorted with contraception and be glad she is at home where you can keep an eye on her safety.
If you try to stop it you will drive her away and she will be doing it somewhere maybe less safe.

Edited to add, the smoking I don't agree with, I assume you and her dad don't smoke, that really must stop.

Don't keep her short of money, meet her half way then she wont have to steal.

Make home a nice place or she will leave, she can you know, she is 16.

No - not a joke! She's been on the pill for some time due to period pains. I just really dont like to come home from work to find my daughter "in the middle of things" with her boyfriend, maybe I'm old fashioned but I just think its disrespectful.

Re - money - if we gave her more money she'd spend more, then steal more... Give her an inch and she'll take a mile

Lokolo

Jalapee wrote: »

Does she have a job? or still in school?

She could do both? I had a partime job at 15, 2 at 17, whilst still at school.

Lokolo

Melaniep101 wrote: »

No - not a joke! She's been on the pill for some time due to period pains. I just really dont like to come home from work to find my daughter "in the middle of things" with her boyfriend, maybe I'm old fashioned but I just think its disrespectful.

Re - money - if we gave her more money she'd spend more, then steal more... Give her an inch and she'll take a mile

BTW does she know you don't like this?

Melaniep101

Jalapee wrote: »

Does she have a job? or still in school?

She's still at school - admittedly doing well, it's just at home she plays up.