Bank account raided - advice please

gratefulforhelp_2

DUTR wrote: »

It can mean that you are not in the 'clique', don't worry about that too much
I'm not the 'gang's' favourite visitor here, but in their defence, I can never fathom why anybody dontates CS to the ex directly, only leaves doors open for further problems as you are experiencing.
Remember no child is going to die or starve to death through lack of CS dontation in the UK.
Pay via the CSA the cost is no different to you, and your ex is an ex for a reason remember?

Silly sausage we like you!! Well I do...but actually my neighbours have just had their house burned out by an electrical fault, and its just down to their quick thinking that 3 generations weren't incinerated. And they ended up homeless for months.

Sorry clearing out don't want to worry you.

clearingout

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Silly sausage we like you!! Well I do...but actually my neighbours have just had their house burned out by an electrical fault, and its just down to their quick thinking that 3 generations weren't incinerated. And they ended up homeless for months.

Sorry clearing out don't want to worry you.

Not worried - it is clearly an on-going fault. Not sure I understand, to be honest, but there you go. We'll live with it - no flippin' choice!

and DUTR, I would gladly give up any right to child maintenance if my ex were to sit down and talk to me and together we work out a fair and reasonable way of financing the upbringing of the children. Indeed, I am happy to share the care of them and will continue to do so as long as he feels this appropriate (he is about to move 250 odd miles away from us, he says, so obviously things will change) but I don't see why, when he earns 4 times what I do (and that's including what I get in tax credit), he should get away with only providing a bed and a few meals each week. Parenting is far more than that. Indeed, if he cared anything for his children, he'd be offering a loan to get the electrics fixed to make sure that everything is OK. Or perhaps paying me back some of the thousands he owes in maintenance would help me fix it, eh?!!!

DUTR

clearingout wrote: »

Not worried - it is clearly an on-going fault. Not sure I understand, to be honest, but there you go. We'll live with it - no flippin' choice!

and DUTR, I would gladly give up any right to child maintenance if my ex were to sit down and talk to me and together we work out a fair and reasonable way of financing the upbringing of the children. Indeed, I am happy to share the care of them and will continue to do so as long as he feels this appropriate (he is about to move 250 odd miles away from us, he says, so obviously things will change) but I don't see why, when he earns 4 times what I do (and that's including what I get in tax credit), he should get away with only providing a bed and a few meals each week. Parenting is far more than that. Indeed, if he cared anything for his children, he'd be offering a loan to get the electrics fixed to make sure that everything is OK. Or perhaps paying me back some of the thousands he owes in maintenance would help me fix it, eh?!!!

Don't get me wrong I'm not attacking you, things have tamed down here, however some circumstances do look as if the PWC wants to 'call all the shots', I agree every NRP should contribute, with benefits/grants for this and that £ for £ some PWCs are better off than their ex now NRP, I can see why some NRPs switch off and move on with their lives (but once again they should contribute) , I earn more than my child's mum, but then I did do the extra education to secure a better paid job and do work more hours , if my electrics or anything else with the house went , it is only me that has to finance it on top of paying CS (which I don't mind)

But for the OP, not letting arrears build up and paying via the CSA reduces the situation he is in, maybe I just got lucky

clearingout

Oh I know you're not being difficult, DUTR. My tounge is firmly in cheek, believe me. But am also trying to raise a serious issue - which is some of us struggle to manage if the NRP won't pay up - there's more to 'living' than keeping a roof over our heads and eating. Even if he did pay up, I'd still struggle but not at the same level. And yes, paying the CSA and keeping on top of things helps everyone out, whichever side of the fence you sit on!

From an education point of view, I have a very good one. But I have little opportunity to use it as I'm ferrying around three small people every day whilst my ex works when it suits him earning a small fortune on, frankly, a far inferior education to mine (he got lucky, worked bottom up, knows his industry inside out, qualified along the way - he's far more employable in the higher tax bracket than I'll ever be!).

As for switching off, I find that sad. My ex is about to do it. After shifting all our lives to where we could live without mortgages and share the care of the children, he has decided the grass is greener (in the on-off girlfriend's bed, I am assuming!) and is going back to where he came from. Fab news for me on a personal level, crap news for our children. What really gets me is I know if I said I'd had enough, he'd happily take all three children off my hands and somehow manage the day to day responsiblity of school and preschool and nursery and parties and playdates and afterschool clubs and..... but he can't be bothered to do it on a shared basis? Does that make sense? I'm not a difficult PWC (well, not intentionally anyway!) and I believe wholeheartedly that my ex should have a fair and, where possible, equal share in bringing up the children we chose to have together. Suddenly, after fighting me in court for 12 months for shared care, he doesn't want it. He wants to be happy. So do I, but I have three children I have to throw into that equation, not sure why he doesn't!!! Sad, sad, sad.

MIKEtheBIKE_2

Clearingout you're talking my language.
I split with my ex in 1997 and she was left as a single mum with a 7 year old with learning dificulties - Aspergers and registered disabled.
I'm a hands-on kind of guy and have done everything over the years to help them both out. Happily. He is my son and my responsibilty after all.
I've continually supplied her with vehicles and insurance and maintained them so she can ferry him about. I've done household maintenance for them and had shared care of the lad religiously and she's never taken the pi** out of the arrangement. I've also put credit on her electric and gas cards and babysat for her. We both agreed that I would do these things in lieu of child maintenance, even though she was on benefits.
She is actually our sons carer and that in itself is a fulltime job. And I appreciate that she needs regular breaks from this chore.
We were both happy with the arrangement but the csa are not. Our son is now 20 and I don't regret for a minute what I did. I will continue to battle with the csa for the rest of my days. I did a much better job than they ever would have and they can't take that away from me.

Ironically I'm an electrician, and I would be round your house to check your electrics like a shot, not for the money but to make sure you are safe.

Your ex sounds like a bit of an ar*e. His kids will look back when they've grown up and think this too. And how many times have I seen adults who are more childish than their own kids.

gratefulforhelp_2

I'm not sure you can babysit your own child.

and dutr I am way better off than the NRP but he still has to pay CS. He still has a duty to provide something for his child, and that's all he does.

But I, like you, have a better education and work harder, so why should I not be better off? He has chosen this life, which I appreciate is not true for all NRPs, who may not "choose" to have a child, or "choose" to become single.

timbo58

kelloggs36 wrote: »

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Thanks Kelloggs: interesting additions there.
Once again: Contact or browse for FAMILIES NEED FATHERS, you'll thank the day you did as they really know what they're on about!

MIKEtheBIKE_2

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

I'm not sure you can babysit your own child.

I go round to my ex's house and sit in with my son while she goes out for the evening.

Babysitting seems an appropriate descripion to me.
Childminding doesn't seem right?
Stand-in carer perhaps?
Burglar maybe?
Visitor even?

There's some sensible chat going on in this thread and you pick up on that???
:T

gratefulforhelp_2

The word is parent and yes I do pick up on that as it is very telling about your attitudes.

Wasteland_Drifter

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

I'm not going to offer any more advice if you are coming out with troll like comments like that.

Good to see you follow your own advice for a change rather than dictating it on others Loopy Girl.

Mike, leave the trollies to their own devices instead of hijacking your thread. PM sent.