Aspergers, EDs, friendships, people, and I'm lost

Heart_Shaped_Diamond

juno wrote: »

I'm aware this might sound silly, but as pro-ana sites are all about swapping tips to hide it, it might be worth you reading them to see what to look for.

Although I don't think that people should look at them full-stop, I agree Juno.

Most of the time they are set up by young women or teens who are at a severely unhealthy weight. They will write a blog/food diary and discuss how little they ate and how to hide it from their family and doctors. One of the tricks for an example, is to put weights in their bra when getting their BMI (body mass index) checked by a professional - so that if they have lost weight over a period of time, they can mask it and fool people in to thinking they're doing well. Anorexia is a very horrible illness that makes you sneaky and decietful to those around you.

And even at that, most 'pro-ana' girls choose anorexia as a way of life. They stop caring about hurting their loved ones as way to gain control over their own lives.

I don't mean to scare you or know if the information is relevent or of any help, but this illness had me for most of my teen years and it was a very traumatic experience, one I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy. And definitely not your DD.

vwelsh13

Can you gp also prescribe "build up" drinks? good luck I work with ASD and it must be so hard for the families at times...puberty, christmas...just hang on in there xxx

System

ive just had a meeting with a school doctor who decided to tell dd that she needs to lose weight ,now she is refusing to eat !

Savvy_Sue

CHRISSYG wrote: »

ive just had a meeting with a school doctor who decided to tell dd that she needs to lose weight ,now she is refusing to eat !

don't you just want to thump some professionals sometimes!

Hippeechiq

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

don't you just want to thump some professionals sometimes!

Totally!

I had a Mental Health Team Worker tell my daughter (who self harms by burning) that were she to consider cutting herself, a good idea, was to keep her razor blades in a "special" tin, and make sure that they were always clean!!

She's lucky she's still breathing quite frankly! But she was removed from the MHT, and replaced with someone else, I made damned sure of that!

GlasweJen

Oh for crying out loud how stupid can some doctors be? Different giving advice on clean razors to a person who is already cutting but to a non-cutter !!!!!! get a grip!

Re the build up drinks, you could pour them into empty slimfast tins of the same flavour to cover up, I know it's deceitful but there's no way an anorexic aspergers sufferer will not melt down if mum starts giving her build up drinks.

meritaten

SOME mental health professionals need to attend a course entitled 'Common Sense - Its' Uses and Applications'!
A young lady I was tutoring who had been abused for years by her grandfather was given this wonderful advice from her Social Worker 'You need to forgive first yourself before you can forgive your Grandfather' this was about half an hour AFTER he had got off scot free from court!
Not hijacking your thread Allegra - its just my way of giving it a bump and keeping discussion going.............

Allegra

weezl74 wrote: »

If DD could understand these 2 ideas in tandem, could she then have a framework for understanding WHY her friend has now so oddly cut off the support which should be reciprocal? If DDs friends had simply lived through too much hearing about EDs to keep herself functioning? I wondered if this might help DD see it as her friends frailty and self-protection, not a rejection of DD.

Worked like a charm ! The school have, on my request, done some mediating between DD and her three friends, and your advice has helped DD be more receptive to it

We kinda hit rock bottom last Monday - she would not go to school, and I ended up having to walk her in (45 min walk for her, an hour and a half round trip for me), with temperatures reaching a high at minus 6 C, so in all, not a fun experience. I eventually delivered her to school only a quarter of an hour into the first lesson, but found out later that she spend most of the day locked in the toilets. Being able to get some sort of dialogue going with her friends has helped with that to a degree, and we have not had a morning as bad as all that yet, although every PE morning (including today) is still rather hairy.

Allegra

artybear wrote: »

However this is assuming her carrot would be materialistic...it maybe something you are unable to give her (like the ability to fly or win X-factor:p) and then that would be a bit of a pain :cool:

'Fraid it'd likely to be along those lines Arty, 'm afraid ! And that's assuming that she can work out what she actually wants in the first place.

The biggie for her - and what I strongly suspect has triggered off the destructive chain of events - is that she has always wanted so little over the years, yet this always proved very elusive. You know, things that neurotypical kids take for granted - being able to keep on top of all the rooms and lessons you have to in secondary school, have some friends, that sort of thing. Be settled in one place, stop having to move houses, be able to have a pet. A couple of years back, following her diagnosis, all these things finally managed to slot into place.

So she got what she always yearned for and.... She was still different. She still struggled with things that other people do not struggle with. She still struggled to understand what other people found it easy to get to grips with (like, social interaction between teen girls, although, believe you me, that's blinkin' Greek to me too). And of course, she still struggled to be in control of her body which, due to her dyspraxia, is really not all that easy at all.

So now all she really wants is to be in control of something. On the conscious level, this translates into "I want to weigh 77lb" (ye gods). No level of talk about how this is so NOT a good idea is likely to sway her (and believe me, I tried). Which is why I am trying a round the houses approach on two levels - one is "know thyself" (and be proud of what you HAVE achieved despite your disabilities) and the other is helping her reassert control over other areas of her life. Like schoolwork, which has piled up horrendously while she was hiding in the loos counting calories. Like her friendships, which have come to the point of imploding.

Winning the X factor is next on the list

Allegra

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

and no, you don't have to particularly LIKE your child when you say that ...

Phew. That's a relief...... :rotfl:


Seriously though, I do actually like my DD on the odd occasions when she will allow herself out of the surly "I hate you" shell. For one, she writes amazingly well, and can show a surprising amount of insight - what would be surprising for an NT teen, let alone an AS one. Gives me hope for the future