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O/S disasters.... let us share...

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  • cuca
    cuca Posts: 102 Forumite
    When I first met dh I was 17 and he was in the navy, so invited him over for a decent meal. I was still living at home and had never cooked a meal :confused: My mum and he were sitting in the lounge so i annouced that I would start our roast chicken dinner, our kitchen had two doors, one of each side of kitchen. So I walked in one door into the kitchen and straight out the other and said to my mum - so how do you cook a chicken? He never lets me live that one down.

    Last year dh was working late and I had cleaned up after supper and left his in mw. Once he had finish eating I told him I had spend ages cleaning up and he had better put his plate in the dw. He was in a bit of a mood and opened the dw, yanked out the top drawer to put glass in, and a huge knife flew out and went straight thru his foot cutting his tendon. He had two lots of surgery and 4 months in plaster for that. Not funny at the time but we laugh about it now :eek:
  • This thread has had me crying with laughter my Oh thinks I've gone doo-lally.
    I'm another one with an explosion,boiled eggs for me.I put six in a pan to hardboil.The doorbell rang and it was my neighbour come to pick up a parcel,we got chatting.There was series of loud what sounded like gunshots and I ran through,opened the kitchen door to be splattered by bits of exploding egg flying through the air.There was egg everywhere and holes in the ceiling with bits of egg attached.We had to completely redecorate.
    I never leave the pan unattended these days,too scared.
  • I haven't laughed so much in ages... I am sitting here with my hands over my mouth as I read so I don't wake up the OH from laughing so much... The catnip story and the expanding foam and oh the current cake and and and.. I am laughing so much I am crying.

    Thank you to everyone who has posted!

    Diva.x
    To be frugal, you need to spend money wisely, simply spending less is not enough.
    If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best...
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I will try again tomorrow.
  • Chris25
    Chris25 Posts: 12,918 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic I've been Money Tipped!
    OK - I have stopped laughing and got control of myself now......

    USEFUL INFO I HAVE LEARNED IN LIFE:

    1/ Do not microwave tinned potatoes on high - they explode. (I'm not talking in the tin - I do have more sense than that - I put them in a microwavable dish first!)

    1/ a/ When you have microwaved tinned potatoes on high, and they are exploding - do not open microwave door...potatoes continue to explode, covering you in burning hot debris and spraying it all over the kitchen.

    2/ Do not use clothes washing powder in the dishwasher (it was an honest mistake!) - the resulting foam is a nightmare to clean, and your dishes need rewashing as they are all streaky.

    3/ Do not IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES spray the cat with 'catnip spray' in the mistaken thought that it is flea-spray. The cat will a/ run away and get on top of kitchen cupboards where she knows you cannot catch her, b/ attempt to lick all her own fur off (somewhat ecstaically!) c/ eat an enormous amount of catfood and then d/ sleep very very solidly for a very very long time, whilst dribbling lakeloads of slimy cat dribble.
    Whilst this is very funny in retrospect, at the time it is very worrying and results in very embarrasing telephone calls to the vet!!!!!


    oh Fairy Elephant, i'm crying with laughter :rotfl: :rotfl:

    I once put salt instead of sugar in a trifle that I made as a centrepiece for a friend's parent's 25th silver wedding party :o it looked beautiful, I just couldn't understand why people weren't eating it :rolleyes:

    a friend of mine (shortly after getting married) decided that she was going to cook runner beans as veg for dinner - she rang me the next day and complained about how few beans you got - she had slit open each runner, taken out the beans to cook then thrown away everything else :D
  • Jacks_xxx
    Jacks_xxx Posts: 3,874 Forumite
    THis is what I love about OS..,Those little gems that you find whilst looking up a recipe for Scotch broth.

    I've just laughed so hard and so loud that the Postman tried to cram a fat parcel through my very skinny letterbox rather than disturb me . He said I sounded [STRIKE]demented [/STRIKE] busy.

    I wanna make Flamingo Chicken and see what Vapourised Meringue looks like!

    There's always a lot of crashing banging and sudden shrieks emitting from our kitchen and my kids tend to pat me on the shoulder and say things like:

    "Well at least it looks like a cake this time."

    "Don't worry - we can see you really tried hard."

    " That very nearly worked that time!"

    "Oh Look - but the cat wants it, that's progress."

    Thanks for the chuckle!

    Love Jacks xxx :D
    Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Einstein
  • the first time, years ago I ever made meringue's I didn't realise that they were to cook in a 'cool 'oven and mine came out looking like pieces of coal, they were a beautiful shiny black, it took me years to live that down.
    I too have exploded boiled eggs left unattended.
    It's good to remember that we weren't all supercooks
  • 2) A couple of times I've been in the kitchen happilly frying some fresh mince for tea, only to realise I've left the piece of plastic/paper sheet on the bottom, and then had to try and 'pick' it all out of the pan without hubby noticing what I'm doing to his food.

    3) Chatting away to my MIL and FIL while dishing up dinner, only to later realise once they'd gone that all of the dowstairs radiators were covered with my (most unsexy) knickers and bras that I'd put there the day before

    OOOHH yes - done both of those too! In fact did the minced-beef paper one a couple of years back and it was so sodden when I realised that it disintegrated and I couldnm't get it out...so I added more liquid and stirred the bolognaise a lot more than usual, and served it up to DH & the SK's anyway - no-one noticed...and I have NEVER owned up...so you lot just keep quiet about it OK!!!! (I did eat it myself too, and we are all still alive!).

    My mum's best one which she still hasn't lived down:
    Years ago when ready-made pizzas were still quite a new thing (well they were to us!) a friend of hers and the friend's son who was about my age, came around for the evening as my dad & her husband were out working together.
    Friend brought pizzas, which my mother duly put in the oven.
    We thought that there was a bit of a 'funny' smell in the kitchen, and when she opened the oven there was a lot of smoke....mum's friend innocently then enquired "I suppose you did remove the polystyrene bases before you put the pizzas in?" - of course, she hadn't! We scraped as much burnt polystyrene off the pizzas and ate what we could salvage...the oven bars took much soaking and scrubbing though. At the time I couldn't work out why mum and her friend thought it was so funny and laughed 'til they cried - but then at the time I didn't know what effect a couple of bottles of wine had on your sense of humour......I was just a child!
    I saw the friend's son a few weeks ago and he said "remember when your mum cooked those pizzas?".......
    The best advice you can give your children: "Take responsibility for your own actions...and always Read the Small Print!"
    ..."Mind yer a*se on the step!"
    TTC with FI - RIP my 2 MC Angels - 3rd full ICSI starts May/June 2009 - BFP!!! Please let it be 'third time lucky'..... EDD 7th March 2010.
  • firework
    firework Posts: 246 Forumite
    I have just spent the best part of tonight reading through this whole thread and the tears have streamed down my face as i have read through it. loved the expanding foam story the best though.:rotfl: just about pmsl at that one.

    i've had many a cooking disaster and still do. remember spending a whole afternoon in cookery at school making a pizza from scratch, i was messing about doing a delia impersonation and decided to "whip" it out of the oven and go "ta-da! " ... at which point it promptly whizzed off the tray at high speed. think i may have just overgreased the tray a smidge there then:rolleyes: . Miraculously it landed mostly base down on the floor, so i scraped it up and took it home for my proud/unsuspecting parents who ate the lot. (sorry folks!) i never did own up.

    have also tried to strain the oil out of the chip pan (back in the day you know before deep fat fryers) didn't bother waiting for it to totally cool as I was pouring it from the pan into a pyrex jug so thought that's safe - then poured it back into the plastic bottle. eeek!!! one melted bottle and a few pints of hot fat across the worktops.

    decided to clean out a glass storage jar (had sugar in) with boiling water one day - cracked the bottom OFF the jar - just came off in one round piece?!

    last night decided to use up my excess milk supply by making hot choccy for everyone, lifted the tin out of the wall unit by the lid, and then disappeared in a cloud of choccy powder, which covered everything within a two foot radius - trust me to be wearing flip flops at the time - even got it between my toes.

    kitchen smelt lovely though!:D
    credit card debt at LBM Nov 2006 £11,300:eek:
    credit card debt now £0000000000000!!! :j

    Debt free at 40! - I made it !!

    DFW NERD No . 1158 & Proud to be dealing with my debts.
  • this thread is wonderful! I thought I was the only one who'd exploded boiled eggs!:T

    Here are a few of my own:

    My mum at one time when I was small heard that putting dishwasher salt in dishes on the windowsill would stop condensation, but didn't tell us until after I had tasted it to see if it was sugar. Eugh. Thought I was going to drop dead for weeks, and didn't dare tell anyone for fear of being told off! I don't even think the old style tip my mum had picked up was any good.

    I tried to cook pasta in an electric kettle when I was a student. I can't imagine why I thought it would be a good idea, but clearly I thought I was saving money by not buying a frying pan. It took forever to get all the bits out from under the element.

    If I ever have children I shall make a book of rules for living out of the mistakes on show here - the catnip one alone needs to become ancient wisdom!

    I'm sure there have been hundreds more that I can't think of now - I'm going to read the rest of the thread....
  • Broomstick
    Broomstick Posts: 1,648 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Love this thread too. :j

    Helpful OS hint from me...

    Do not make a bucket-load of lemon curd substituting the lemon with mashed kiwi fruit. It is disconcerting to have to think about eating something that looks like thick green snot speckled with headlice. Do not try to make it look better by attempting to remove the headlice by pushing the green snot mix through your only fine mesh metal sieve with a spoon because the little black seeds that don't make it through the sieve and straight back into the green snot will seem to get permanently wedged in the mesh and you will spend hours (while comfort eating 'greensnot with headlice' on toast) trying to get the seeds out. :rolleyes:

    Kiwi fruit are nice when they are peeled and sliced and left alone.
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