Nice people thread part 3- Nice as pie

PasturesNew

Why not do what the chav mums would do .... take the kids with you and sit them in the car in the car park all night with a packet of crisps.

neverdespairgirl

LydiaJ wrote: »

Sorry for moaning. It gets me down sometimes. I know Sue has it much much tougher than me on the isolation front.

Do you think the weekend made it a bit tougher, too? I can't help but think that for single parents the stress is greater, because there's no Plan B for Dad to sort it out if things get too much.

<hugs>

neverdespairgirl

LydiaJ wrote: »

Thanks for the kind thoughts and words, everyone.

It's a tough one for you all <hugs>

SingleSue

LydiaJ wrote: »

Yes thanks. The kids seem fine this evening, and I've been at work for most of today.

Y12 off on study leave, so their lessons are optional and I didn't have to prepare anything, just go through past papers with anyone who bothered to turn up (ie one girl, but I spent a long time with her). Y13 ought to have been in my lesson, but it was their day for going crazy - they'll be back to the grindstone tomorrow but today they were doing the conga round the school and throwing marshmallows at people, so they didn't turn up for my lesson either. So I've spent most of my day trying to set an internal exam paper for Y7. I decided I didn't want to start by modifying last year's, but to do a new one from scratch, but I think by the time I've finished I'll end up with somethng that's a lot easier to mark than it would have been otherwise.

Tonight's not a fun night though. I need to make my kids tidy up (which is always an effort) and find some childcare, which is the bane of my life and a constant source of stress. I've got a staff away day at my church job on Thursday, which is not a day when my kids are booked into after school club because I usually finish at 2.45. So I'll need somebody to have them before school so I can get there on time, and somebody to have them after school because I won't be back until 6pm. Then on Friday I'd like to go out to the pub with my teacher friends to celebrate the end of the first half of term, so I need to find a babysitter who doesn't mind if I stay out beyond midnight driving all my friends home. My first attmept has failed - that friend will be in London that day and can't help. I'm finding it hard to summon up the motivation to make the necessary phone calls, whch I hate doing, but I'd better get on with it. If I go on Friday it'll be the first time I've gone anywhere without kids other than work in six and a half weeks, so I'd really like to go.

Sorry for moaning. It gets me down sometimes. I know Sue has it much much tougher than me on the isolation front.

Sue, have you been able to get your SIL to have your boys at all recently?

I know this problem well, I had to miss going to a funeral today as no-one was able to pick the boys up from school.

And the short answer to SIL is no....so my wild idea of her looking after the boys during school holidays so I could get a normal job instead of a term time one, looks to be a non starter.

LydiaJ

silvercar wrote: »

I do feel for you, sorting babysitters was the bane of my life.

In fact when the kids were at an age that I couldn't possibly reveal on a public forum, they started demanding that they be left home alone. Given that we were often very nearby and had delightful neighbours who would be more than happy to run across to ours in an emergency, we did start leaving them at an age well below NSPCC guidelines.

More suggestions: any young grannies nearby? or don't underestimate the time that late teens can stay up until on the Friday before half term - after all they don't have to get up early again for another 10 days. And split shifts, so whoever collects after school only has to look after them until the evening sitter arrives. Or other mums who would be grateful for the money or to get out of the house?

Thanks silvercar. Those are good suggestions - some of them are strategies I do use sometimes. I've thought of another person to try for Friday, so I'll have another go tomorrow.

What are the guidelines, BTW? I've read some very scary stories about people (nurses I think) getting cautioned by the police for leaving their kids - leaving a 14 year old sibling in charge of a 3 year old, I think and another nurse leaving a child of 11 alone in the house for half an hour or something, so not tinies - and therefore losing their jobs because a caution (against which there's no defence or chance to respond) is enough to make you fail a CRB.

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Do you think the weekend made it a bit tougher, too? I can't help but think that for single parents the stress is greater, because there's no Plan B for Dad to sort it out if things get too much.

<hugs>

Yes indeed. It was easier when he was here, of course, but even when he was 9 miles away, he was still another adult with whom to share the parental responsibility. And they went to his place overnight every Tuesday and every other weekend, which gave me some much appreciated freedom to have a grown up social life occasionally.

Thanks for the hug.

SingleSue wrote: »

I know this problem well, I had to miss going to a funeral today as no-one was able to pick the boys up from school.

And the short answer to SIL is no....so my wild idea of her looking after the boys during school holidays so I could get a normal job instead of a term time one, looks to be a non starter.

Oh Sue, I'm so sorry - about the funeral and the job plan. I had hoped your SIL was going to open up possibilities for you. I feel for you - it seems to me that my little limitations give me just a bit of insight into the more intractable difficulties that you face. Thank you for being understanding. I know you've said that sometimes you just have a time when it all gets you down more than you can bear - I've been having one of those this evening.

I wish I wish I wish there was something we could do to make it easier for you. And I feel angry about your situation, because your boys do actually have a father who is shirking his responsibilities, which is totally not fair on you or them.

SingleSue

Thanks Lydia.

It makes me angry too, not for myself but for the boys...they have a father but he is just not interested.

I'm not in the brightest of moods currently, been rather low the last week or so and feeling trapped, exhausted, old and completely stressed out.....the OU courses might have given me stress but they kept me from thinking about my situation and what a waste of time my life has been, unfortunately, no courses until October now due to funding.

Generali

SingleSue wrote: »

Thanks Lydia.

It makes me angry too, not for myself but for the boys...they have a father but he is just not interested.

I'm not in the brightest of moods currently, been rather low the last week or so and feeling trapped, exhausted, old and completely stressed out.....the OU courses might have given me stress but they kept me from thinking about my situation and what a waste of time my life has been, unfortunately, no courses until October now due to funding.

I don't imagine that there's anyone posting here that thinks that and I shouldn't think your kids feel that way either. You are the most important person in their world as their Mum and you probably always will be.

neverdespairgirl

LydiaJ wrote: »

and therefore losing their jobs because a caution (against which there's no defence or chance to respond) is enough to make you fail a CRB.

A caution doesn't work like that. You have to accept it, it's not thrust upon you.

LydiaJ

SingleSue wrote: »

Thanks Lydia.

It makes me angry too, not for myself but for the boys...they have a father but he is just not interested.

I'm not in the brightest of moods currently, been rather low the last week or so and feeling trapped, exhausted, old and completely stressed out.....the OU courses might have given me stress but they kept me from thinking about my situation and what a waste of time my life has been, unfortunately, no courses until October now due to funding.

A waste of time? Well, it's true that your circumstances cut you off from a lot of things you might want to do, but the world is a better place because of what you do - especially but not exclusivelly for your boys. So no, not wasted. Have you seen "It's a wonderful life"?

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

A caution doesn't work like that. You have to accept it, it's not thrust upon you.

Oh do you? Then I've been misinformed. Thank you. What happens if you don't accept it?

lostinrates

i just lost a long and verbose post about the importance of Sue's job as a mother....and lost it into the ether ....instead I'm just going to say that Sue, you do a VITAL job, and it sounds as if you do it well and with a patience few could muster.