Moral dilemma - Just don't know what to do

elsien

And as an expert in putting off difficult conversations, I usually find that when I do pluck up courage, it's a relief to get it out in the open. And less traumatic than the wasted nights lying awake going through all the "what if's" and imaginary scenarios. Then I wonder what I was getting so worked up about in the first place.
What about your boyfriend being there for moral support?

BitterAndTwisted

If you don't relish the idea of having a full and frank discussion about what you want to happen once you've decided I don't see why you can't invite your OH over for moral support when you do it.

Edit: Great minds think alike, Errata.

Would you be content for him to remain if he contributed a sensible amount?

Mojisola

moneypenny2k wrote: »

Anyhow, my dilemma is I feel I'm being taken for a bit of a mug. He has for the past 3 months given me half the gas and electric bill. I didn't even feel comfy asking him for that as I'm not sure of his financial status. I know he gets a small pension and tells me he can't get housing benefit. Am I being taken for a ride? He's playing havoc with my social life and romantic life though my bf is very understanding. (I don't feel comfortable having people over when there is somebody else around)

Do I ask him for more towards the cost of providing roof over his head? Do I ask him to find somewhere else to live?

If you were charging him rent, surely he'd be entitled to some housing benefit? If he isn't, he probably has more money coming in than you think.

However, the main problem seems to be that you just don't want another person round the house. It's your home and you have to say something to him.

If it was me staying with a friend, I would be making an effort to find somewhere to live and checking regularly that she was still happy with the arrangement. Was "overstaying his welcome" the reason he stopped living with his other friend?

Jinx

I would have thought that the first port of call when needing a place to stay would be the girlfriend....? I think you could safely ask him to make other plans for the new year, safe in the knowledge that he could stay with the girlfriend at least for a bit......

ali-t

You could take the easy way out and tell him either that you are going to put the flat on the market or that your boyfriend is going to move in with you and as a result of that you need him out. Personally I always find the truth more palatable but if you want the wuss's way out that could be it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I vote for the boyfriend moving in story, too. Or the council is after you for extra council tax/inland revenue want you to declare the earnings.

Or just 'I tried to help you out. Now you're still here 6 months later. Stop leeching off me and find somewhere to live by the end of the week'. As he came from a HA, he should know full well about the homelessness legislation and can manage it for himself. And that as there is no official tenancy you can tell him where to go without any notice.

Emmzi

just tell him you need your own space and how long will it take for him to find somewhere. With BF present. I don't think you need to feel guilty at all, you should be angry at being taken for a mug!

diable

Rummage through his bank statements and find out if he's worth anything and if he is gaffer tape him to a dining room chair and extract his pin numbers from him.....................

you could also threaten him with a strap on..........



Sorry to bring the tone of this thread down but I thought you might need a laugh................... ;o))))))))))))))

Morty_007

hi OP,
I think invite BF over then have polite, nice, gentle conversation with lodger explaining how you feel and asking him to leave. You don't have to accuse him of sponging or taking you for a ride, just explain about the space thing. If you can't talk to him, write a letter maybe?
I think you have to ask yourself what's the worst that could happen if you ask him to leave?

He might get angry/upset and not ever speak to you again...not much of a friend if he does this...
He might be mortified that he has overstayed his welcome (as I would be, especially if my friend then didn't say anything and was beating herself up about it!!) and move out.
You ask and he refuses or doesn't move out...request in writing that he leaves and give him some notice (not necessary but nice) and then if he continues to remain, call the police and tell them he is trespassing and you want him removed.

I don't think there is anything else/worse that could happen!

Stressful yes but at least its over then.

belfastgirl23

I think you should have a conversation with him about his long term plans and what he thinks his next move is likely to be. In the context of this you could ask him if he's thought about getting his own place and just say as a sort of 'in passing' that that living with you wasn't going to be a long term plan. If he doesn't get that as a hint then you're going to have to tell him clearly that you need a date by which he's moving out.

You've been a very good friend to him, now it's time for him to be a good friend to you.