Divorce Help

desperatelyinneedofadvice

Hi,

I have just received an email from my husband advising he is divrocing me. he has been to see a lawyer and will start proceedings next week.
Although he told me he wanted it we were texting last week and he was still wearing his wedding ring so I thought maybe he had changed his mind so this has thrown me again and I dont know what to do

I am going to see a solicitor this week as I work for one but I have no money. I am on a temporary contract with work due to end in February. I only earn 13k a year. I have debts currently outstanding at about 13k.

He has a well paying job at about 42k a year, permanent and about 17k of debt.

We have been married just over a year. together for 7 years and we bought our house together 2 years ago. Can anyone help with what I can do now as I am going to lose my husband, job and house within the next few months and dont know what I can do.

I dont want to divorce him, I wanted to work on things but he is refusing and I dont know what to do or how Im going to survive.

Jewel_2

We were in pretty much the same position but we had been married for longer, and we had a child. You MUST work together. You have earned money together and you need to support each other through it financially. He wants a divorce - where is he going to live, what if you say no (which you can do).

You can have a 30 minute cheapish session with a lawyer.

What's the background - do you know why he's left you?

desperatelyinneedofadvice

Im hoping i can get a few sessions free with the solicitors i work for.

He says that things havent been right for a while and he doesnt see the point in working through them. He is at his sisters at the moment and has said I can stay in the house, he will pay the bills and I can save that money or pay it off debts.

He wont tell me his grounds for divorce, he wont answer my texts or phone calls so Im in the dark really.

What happens if I dont agree to the divorce?

Loopy_Girl

desperatelyinneedofadvice wrote: »

He wont tell me his grounds for divorce, he wont answer my texts or phone calls so Im in the dark really.

Ummm I think stamping your foot and telling him you 'had feelings' for someone else whilst he was out working his knackers off might have something to do with it...

or the fact you had cancer, and treatment, and didn't think to share it with him.

Lack of trust would be an obvious answer surely?!

Loopy_Girl

desperatelyinneedofadvice wrote: »

What happens if I dont agree to the divorce?

Why would you not agree to it? Do you think by refusing to divorce him this will make him see you in a different light?

If you don't then you will be seperated for 2 years and then the divorce can go through without your consent.

But in that 2 years he, or you, may meet a new partner and want to marry them and can't. He's hardly going to thank you for that is he?

Truth be known, having read your other threads, I feel he has given the matter careful consideration. He doesn't feel he can trust you and doesn't want to sort it out. Not agreeing to a divorce is going to stop it, merely stall it and I fail to see why you would want to still have a connection when he clearly wants a clean break.

Errata

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Ummm I think stamping your foot and telling him you 'had feelings' for someone else whilst he was out working his knackers off might have something to do with it...

or the fact you had cancer, and treatment, and didn't think to share it with him.

Lack of trust would be an obvious answer surely?!

Or unreasonable behaviour?

Loopy_Girl

Errata wrote: »

Or unreasonable behaviour?

From whom? The OP? Yes I agree.

Am just sitting here thinking how I would feel if a Partner had had a lumpectomy and then treatment and kept it all to himself.

I would be absolutely heartbroken that he didn't share such a huge life changing thing.

And yes, I would pack my bags and divorce him toot-sweet

desperatelyinneedofadvice

Thank you for making me feel worse about it then i already did. I am aware of the things that went wrong and the fact I have posted on an open forum but I really just wanted advice on the divorce aspect of it all. Thanks

Bubby

I think that you *could* have handled things a little better however your husband has been incredibly cruel at a time when you need him the most and if it were me that would be enough to divorce him pretty sharpish!
However if you want him to talk to you on a one to one basis with no one else involved (his family) then tell him that you won't agree to the divorce in which case he will need to wait the required 2 years. I hate to say this but I think it is all too rushed for something else not to be at the back of his mind like another woman, it will soon send him round to talk if there is someone else involved as he will panic at the thought of having to wait 2 years!

wannabe_sybil

I am sorry but you do not need to agree to a divorce. He can divorce you anyway on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. You can try and contest it, but it is almost unheard of and is extremely expensive. I am sorry if that it is hard for you to deal with, but I cannot see how things between you have not degenerated to unreasonable behaviour.

I am really sorry, but if he feels that way then it is extremely hard to get back to any relationship.

You can go to Relate by yourself, if you choose to, to make sense of the relationship and help sort out what you can do next. If you cannot resolve things then Relate can help you make sense of the end of your relationship.

I hope things work out for you.

Edited to add - divorce is granted on the irretrievable breakdown of the marriage on one of five grounds - adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion after two years, with the agreement of both parties after two years separation and five years separation. If one party can prove adultery or unreasonable behaviour then there is no need to wait.

Also, do not rely on the money situation remaining stable. Please check out entitledto and look at ensuring your own financial stability if he fails to maintain the current financial position. He may not be able to maintain this contribution if he has to rent somewhere.

desperatelyinneedofadvice

I completely agree things could have been handled better. He has said he wants it to remain amicable and is doing it on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

I have spoken to my work and can get my 30mins free but I need to know what questions I will need to ask as I cant afford to hire them and not sure if i can get legal aid.

Does anyone know what sort of questions I need to ask? I dont even know anyone who has divorced except for his parents so i have no one to turn to for help or advice