Memorygirls - The Matrix Reloaded

clairewop

Painkillers and bed for me I think

Night

Lara44

Me too, thanks everyone. FW you are right.

Cheery_Daff

Oh dear Lara ((((((((()))))))))))) How rotten, people are so thoughtless sometimes Glad you could get on skype and blub to OH, and in here to us. FW is right, concentrate on what you're there for, and anything else is a bonus. And bear it in mind so you can protect yourself next time if you're in a similar situation. Thinking of you xx

(((((((((Crickett and claire)))))))))))) I have absolutely no idea what to suggest. In general I reckon I do more housework round here, and I'm the one who works full time, but it's never expected (I just notice it first) and in the grand scheme of everything it works out pretty much equally - my tea is often on the table when I get home, and sometimes I get home to find a whole unexpectedly repainted room! I do hope both of you can work it out soon - sadly I don't think you can 'change' another person - but perhaps there's ways of helping people towards the conclusion that their behaviour is not fair or reasonable.

Firewalker

You can't change other people - but agreements can be negotiated and re-negotiated. Problems come when either there is no excplicit agreement (things work by assuming expectations, or having expectations) or the agreement has not been reviewed for a long time.

It does sound clinical and cold but this all can be done over a glass of wine (and candle light).

Firewalker

Memory_Girl

alternatively - show him this

" and he ran into my knife - he ran in to my knife TEN times!!":rotfl:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alUEEA9qFXM

Night night all

MG

Kittikins

Claire - big hugs and I hope you show your DH this thread so he can see how outraged a lot of women (and probably lurking chaps) are at his outdated opinions!!

Lara - big hugs too, hopefully the silly people will make it up to you tomorrow, must have been awful, I've had a similar experience x

Crickett and anyone else with a lazy non-houseworking OH - grrr to them!! Mind you, I live with DD and we're both messy and my new OH is generally unable to lift a finger to tidy up (medical reasons mainly, not just lazy, but I'm sure its a contributing factor ), so it doesn't bode well for our hopeful future together!! Today I have found the kitchen table under the stuff, sorted out a couple of the work surfaces, and then have lost them again.....*sigh* Maybe tomorrow the work surfaces will be found again and stay vaguely tidy.....?!?!

greenbee

clairewop wrote: »

I was asked what was so important that I couldn't drag myself away from the market at 12 like I said I was, If I was home on time I could have done the cleaning then.

like others, I'm horrified by this... if I were you i'd go out tomorrow and not tell him when you're going to be back. Have a day to yourself, and enjoy it - and when you come home walk past the mess and have that glass of wine and soak in the bath. If it was me, I'd keep a corner of the house clean and tidy for me and let him stew in his own mess. Alternatively, start charging him an hourly rate for the housework... and it needs to be more than you can earn making jewellery

MG - when I first got this mortgage (12 years ago) it was part repayment, part interest only and I struggled to pay it each month, taking on freelance work as well as doing the day job. However, job changes, pay rises, promotions and today's low interest rates have helped me enormously. I converted to repayment only as soon as I could afford it, and then started to see it disappear, which was very satisfying! I've overpaid when I could afford it (knowing I can draw this back down) and found out recently that if I don't move it'll be paid off in 2.5 year (possibly less if I get my act together). I never imagined when I took out a 25 year mortgage that it would take about half that time to pay it off. And to the people who've told me I'm 'lucky' to be in this situation... it isn't luck... it was down to hard work and prioritising where my money went

Memory_Girl

greenbee wrote: »

MG - when I first got this mortgage (12 years ago) it was part repayment, part interest only and I struggled to pay it each month, taking on freelance work as well as doing the day job. However, job changes, pay rises, promotions and today's low interest rates have helped me enormously. I converted to repayment only as soon as I could afford it, and then started to see it disappear, which was very satisfying! I've overpaid when I could afford it (knowing I can draw this back down) and found out recently that if I don't move it'll be paid off in 2.5 year (possibly less if I get my act together). I never imagined when I took out a 25 year mortgage that it would take about half that time to pay it off. And to the people who've told me I'm 'lucky' to be in this situation... it isn't luck... it was down to hard work and prioritising where my money went

You are my inspiration

You (and my Accountant friend) are right. Its what I do now - and keep on doing that will make such a difference, every little payment made now makes such a difference in the end.

Added a line to my sig - now to start chipping away at the months.

MG

kavics17

Hi MG and everyone,

I still read the thread sometimes but it's moving far too fast for me, juggling a full time job with 2 open uni courses means that I don't have time to sit around and read as much as I would like!

But after reading your mortgage post, I wanted to share something. This is not a secret, we bought our flat in a beautiful town next to the river and rented it out straight away -we are in central London, renting, because the money is here:(. Anyway, in August we had to decide whether to take out a mortgage or a personal loan for £30k (we had a huge chunk of deposit) and decided on the loan just because we knew we wanted to overpay it by about £2k a month (which was not an option on any of the mortgage deals). First payment was in September last year, so far we have appr. £14k left. BUT! By overpaying, even if it's a pound or ten, we saved tons of interest. On £15k we should have paid around £2800 interest (5yr deal), but by overpaying we reduced it to £630. So my advice is, if you can afford a bit, pay it towards loan or mortgage, it will make a huge difference in terms of reducing capital and interest!

We are still no loan free but hopefully will be by the end of this year and than re-consider relocating as money won't be such a huge issue.

xxx

MrsMoo2U

Firewalker wrote: »

You can't change other people - but agreements can be negotiated and re-negotiated. Problems come when either there is no excplicit agreement (things work by assuming expectations, or having expectations) or the agreement has not been reviewed for a long time.

It does sound clinical and cold but this all can be done over a glass of wine (and candle light).

Firewalker

claire and crickett - I agree completely with this. You cannot change people and so you need to negotiate to a win/win situation. What is the least you expect from the OH to help you feel comfortable and what is the most you will give to make them happy? Compromise is not always easy but it can lead to harmony if you are both willing to compromise. I have read both of your threads (claire - I was most :eek: by the comment about being at home but then when you said that he thinks that you are being taken advantage of I thought that I dont know the whole story. Why does he think that you are being taken advantage of? -no need to tell us just ask for yourself. It may be his only way of expressing his concern for you by appearing to be all needy.) and I keep coming back to the thought that what is acceptable level of tidy for one is not for the other and does it really matter who is right?

Memory_Girl wrote: »

You are my inspiration

You (and my Accountant friend) are right. Its what I do now - and keep on doing that will make such a difference, every little payment made now makes such a difference in the end.

Added a line to my sig - now to start chipping away at the months.

MG

Feeling inspired too. Thanks Greenbee.