Having a wedding with no guests..

mellymeep

I dislike the inclination to think that if people want to get married alone then they are being selfish. A marriage is about celebrating the love between two people, not how guests are there. Why do they have to be there on the day to celebrate the marriage? You can all get together at some other date where everyone can congratulate you.

You should do whatever makes you feel comfortable OP, family should be there to support your decisions no matter what... if there are bad feelings then it is them being selfish, not you.

crumblepie

When my brother got married it wasn't a big thing. there were about 20 of us at the registry office, everyone took photos, I took loads and uploaded them to his pc so he could choose the ones he wanted to print out. The 'do' afterwards was at his house with a small buffet and drinks and most people went home after a couple of hours still leaving plenty of time for themselves later in the day. the rings were sterling silver if i remember rightly - nothing fancy at all but it's the meaning that means more than the money spent on the rings.

I've been to several weddings over the years from the outrageously expensive to the cheap and cheerful and I have to say I've enjoyed the cheap and cheerful as they tend to be more relaxed and everyone chips in with something. No expectations and stress involved that way and you can laugh when little things go wrong - and believe me there was a certain amount of things going wrong - registrars locked out of the office, a foot of snow on the ground, taxi broke, and my brother promising to be 'awful' instead of 'lawful'!! My SIL specifically said don't go to any trouble buying expensive outfits etc, it was all about being part of their day, which is the important part.

it is up to you how you get married and how you do it. you can get sucked in to all the meaningless stuff that you must have according to the wedding circus or you can do it how you want it. if you'll be happy with you, husband and two witnesses do it that way and tell people afterwards with maybe a get together to celebrate.

gelato_cat

Hope this makes sense... I've tried to keep the quotes brief but meaningful!

minnie123 wrote: »

We were thinking of just booking a registry office and going just the two of us and basically thats it. Does anyone know the minimum cost of this? and do you need witnesses?

Yes, as others have said, you need two witnesses who can speak and understand English and are aged 18 or over.

The costs involved are £33.50 per person to give notice of your intention to marry (as far as I can see, this costs the same whichever part of the country you live in) and doing this is mandatory.

You then have a fee for the ceremony itself, which includes the cost of one copy of the marriage certificate. The fee varies according to the venue - if you get married outside the register office (eg at a hotel) it costs a lot more as the council charges a premium to provide the registrars at that location, and the venue (eg hotel) will also charge a fee for the use of its room(s), plus any catering etc you want. But if you want to get married at the register office, this can be very cheap. We're paying £150 for our register office wedding in London. So I'd say you're looking at around £200 all told, and hopefully a lot less as I assume London is more expensive than most other places.

I'll also say that I was pleasantly surprised when checking out register offices as, prior to getting engaged, my experience of them was limited to being a bridesmaid in the 1980s at a couple of quite bland (to put it politely) register offices, but the one I gave notice at was beautiful, as is the one I have chosen for my wedding (both in London).

minnie123 wrote: »

Also has anyone else done anything similar?

Me! We would have been quite happy to go just the two of us and grab two witnesses off the street (here or in Las Vegas!), but bf knew his mum would never speak to him again if we did, so we haven't done it exactly in our own way, but we are keeping it very small. It's just us, immediate family (ie parents and siblings) and three close friends.

minnie123 wrote: »

I really don't know what to do because I think if we go ahead and do this we are going to upset close family and friends - but at the same time if we don't we will probably never get married because proper weddings just don't appeal to me.

Does anyone have any advice?

During the time I've been planning my own wedding, I've come to realise no matter how small and simple your arrangement is, someone is going to decide they don't like something about it and, to varying degrees, vocalise their views or try and impose their will on you. For us it was bf's mum getting herself very worked up about the fact we weren't inviting his brother's girlfriend (we are sure said girlfriend is very nice but we just aren't close). I won't lie, it was very stressful, and even the bf was starting to think elopement was looking appealing. He wanted to give in to his mum to make things easier and he was worried she'd never speak to him again if he didn't (you know how much power some mothers have over their sons!) but I stood my ground and said by changing our plans to make her happy and give her what she wanted we were making ourselves unhappy and not allowing ourselves to have the day we wanted.

minnie123 wrote: »

I think I must be weird because I don't want guests a cake or a celebration I just want us to be married. That sounds really mean when I put it in black and white.

I don't think it sounds mean, your opinions on weddings seem very similar to mine - to me and bf, it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage. Our wedding is just a means to an end. We've loved all the big weddings we've been invited to, but just don't want one for ourselves. And in terms of money, it would make us happier to spend a good amount of money on our rings, honeymoon and paying down some of our mortgage than spending thousands on our wedding day. But I completely get and respect why other people do want the big wedding. I think it's good that we all have the choice!

ellay864 wrote: »

And the third couple I knew literally popped in a register office on a Monday during a week off work, asked if they had any vacancies and went back and got married later that week, getting a couple of tourists off the street as their witnesses!

That's interesting. I assume they must have been a bit organised as they would have had to give 15 clear days' notice and state the wedding venue when doing so etc... unless this was a long time ago and/or outside England...

minnie123 wrote: »

The thought of anyone being their when we actually get married freaks me I hate being the centre of attention and I dislike having my photograph taken.

Me too! I sympathise completely! I'd feel funny about saying my vows in front of lots of people. I tend to get a bit emotional too. What I like about our setup is that if (don't know who I'm trying to kid with "if", it's definitely going to happen) I do start blubbing then I'm not going to be embarrassed at all because all our guests know me very well and won't feel funny about it.

Suze

minnie123

Thanks Suzey that was really helpful - it's nice to know there are others who think the same and it's encouraged me to do it the way I want.