Having a wedding with no guests..

minnie123

Hi me and my BF are thinking of getting married but we don't really have the cash to have a proper wedding and don't know if we really want all that anyway.

We were thinking of just booking a registry office and going just the two of us and basically thats it. Does anyone know the minimum cost of this? and do you need witnesses?

Also has anyone else done anything similar?

We are not going to tell anyone until after because I feel that people will pressurise us into having guests etc.. or a do afterwards.

I really don't know what to do because I think if we go ahead and do this we are going to upset close family and friends - but at the same time if we don't we will probably never get married because proper weddings just don't appeal to me.

Does anyone have any advice?

McKneff

You dont have to have a 'proper wedding' as you put it.

Nothing stopping you having a register office marriage, with close family there, mums and dads, sisters and brothers.
Could you have a family get together before and explain.
Perhaps one of the mums and dads could get together and have a
meal at one of their houses after the marriage ceremony. Nothing wrong with that, Im sure they wll all be aware of your circumstances.
(mine was exactly like this way back in 1968 lol) I made my own wedding cake from the Bero baking book , friend iced it, made some food at home for everyone to have when we came back.
Talking from experience, i would be quite happy going to my daughters MSE wedding and helping out with food than being so hurt that i would find it very very difficult to forgive her for a long time. But i know she would never hurt her family for the sake of a few rounds of sandwiches.
But, each to their own, different family, different rules, different feelings etc.
But good luck and a long and happy marriage to you both.
(my oh and I are in our 43rd year, (i was a child bride of 18 in 1968) lol)

sammy_wheeler

it is watever makes you happy- but i suppose- yes you need to think about the after effects of what you decide.
to answer your question- yes you need witnesses- 2
mse weddings can be done on a tight budget- so if you need any support and advice then let us know.
wat do you mean by 'proper weddings'- weddings can be done in church, registery office, hotels- and they can be as small and big as you want.

whichwhydoIturn

my brother and his wife had a low key wedding because they hated fuss they said and although still married 20 odd years later my sister in law would say that she missed the family thing, its that sort of thing that doesnt cost the earth, just 2 families , close members celebrating a new and love filled begining.each to their own of course however,tell family before hand and you wont regret it x

minnie123

I think I must be weird because I don't want guests a cake or a celebration I just want us to be married. That sounds really mean when I put it in black and white.

I would have my Mum, Dad & Sisters there but I wouldn't want his family their except his Mum and we couldn't do one side without the other. I sound like a really nasty person now, i'm not but a lot of his family have never been very nice to me or even him for that matter.

Thats part of the reason I thiought about just us two going and doing it in secret then telling people after - but it is going to upset people I know that.

Feel like i'm in a no win situation really.

minnie123

By proper wedding I mean having a few guests, a wedding cake, a wedding dress or outfit and some form of celebration with family and friends.

I just want us 2 and my little boy - just wearing normal clothes then going out just the 3 of us for a nice day out afterwards.

I would like to get married in Las Vegas but we don't have anyone to have our little boy to allow us to go for an evening out so 3 days away in Vegas would be pushing it lol.

sammy_wheeler

dont think you are horrible! if its wat u 2 want then do it- go n get married!

ellay864

Although it wouldn't be for me I can kind of understand why you want the 'no guests' thing...as you say it would be really hard to invite just your side of the family and not his. Think very carefully about how yoru families really might react and how that would affect you. I worked with 3 couples who've done this and it was all very different
One went off 2 years ago to South Africa, married under a tree out in the bush with nobody else there. They told their parents when they got back and everyone was delighted for them
Another couple sloped off to Gretna and again told people when they got back. The parents were Ok but her twin sister was really hurt
And the third couple I knew literally popped in a register office on a Monday during a week off work, asked if they had any vacancies and went back and got married later that week, getting a couple of tourists off the street as their witnesses! Both sets of parents were gutted. His parents had a frosty relationship with them for a while afterwards, while hers actually didnt speak to them for 4 years until their twins were born. Althought they'd known their families would be upset they hadn't reckoned on just how bad it would be and they both regretted it all afterwards
The other posters on here are right...you can have a very small no fuss do without excluding family - just a ceremony in a register office and maybe a small family meal afterwards

minnie123

My family are going to think i'm really mean.

The thought of anyone being their when we actually get married freaks me I hate being the centre of attention and I dislike having my photograph taken. I suppose we are quite private people in a way we like it to just be us.

minnie123

ellay864 wrote: »

Although it wouldn't be for me I can kind of understand why you want the 'no guests' thing...as you say it would be really hard to invite just your side of the family and not his. Think very carefully about how yoru families really might react and how that would affect you. I worked with 3 couples who've done this and it was all very different
One went off 2 years ago to South Africa, married under a tree out in the bush with nobody else there. They told their parents when they got back and everyone was delighted for them
Another couple sloped off to Gretna and again told people when they got back. The parents were Ok but her twin sister was really hurt
And the third couple I knew literally popped in a register office on a Monday during a week off work, asked if they had any vacancies and went back and got married later that week, getting a couple of tourists off the street as their witnesses! Both sets of parents were gutted. His parents had a frosty relationship with them for a while afterwards, while hers actually didnt speak to them for 4 years until their twins were born. Althought they'd known their families would be upset they hadn't reckoned on just how bad it would be and they both regretted it all afterwards
The other posters on here are right...you can have a very small no fuss do without excluding family - just a ceremony in a register office and maybe a small family meal afterwards

Oh no - what the third couple did sounds perfect for me

minnie123

Maybe we will have to wait a few years until someone offers to babysit for us so we can go away for a few days - maybe people will be less hurt then.