When to stop going "home" for christmas?

mummyroysof3

we are having mil and fil for dinner on xmas day and did the same last year, i think its unfair on the kids to take them away from all the stuff they have just opened, then my mum and step dad are traveling 250 miles on boxing day to come see us, then we have dad and stepmmum visiting and some grandparents and aunties cousins etc visit so its a pretty hectic 2 days but the kids love it so thats what counts.

determined_new_ms

I'm 35 (next friday :j) and have 2 children (one 18 the other 17) & last year was the first year I haven't been to my ex-mil in law! I'm now happily with a new partner of 3 years & its got a little strange with him going to my ex-mils at xmas. I've wanted to spend xmas at home for years but couldn't bear the thought of letting my mil down. So much expectation at xmas....

Amethyst_ice

exactly, there is expectation and for once id like to just be a little selfish and spend the day enjoying it myself. It will be odd not having charging kids around etc and not my usual routine but if it doesnt work this year theres always next isnt there?

katesmum

The decision will not get any easier as the years roll by.... in fact it gets harder and somewhere along the line gets set in concrete..... so break it NOW! and spend Christmas as you want to.

I invited my in laws for Christmas many years ago and somewhere along the line it became 'tradition' that they spend Christmas at ours.... they are now in their 80's and I look back and as much as the children all say they've had fabulous Christmases all I can remember is their Grandparents moaning about how much money we had spent on them, how much food I had cooked, how many people were in and out of the house. . . . the noise, the games everything got them down but they continued to appear, year after year.

Its too late now for me to break this 'tradition' but not you. I keep an open house and if my children and their partners want to join us they can (they usually do) but I make it VERY clear that they can go and do whatever they wish, as long as I see them at some stage over the festive period I am happy.

Anglea

I can empathise with the situation and found it interesting reading the stories.

I think some parents think that if a child isn't home for Christmas they worry what other people think about them as parents and end up taking it very personally.

They are more likely to be understanding if they didn't always go home when they were younger.

After getting married, we always go to my parents Christmas Eve (as we celebrate a Polish Christmas) then Christmas Day is at my house, I always had my parents and the in-laws too if they were available. If they weren't we'd meet up with them and other OH's relatives in the evening. We have carried on these arrangements even after ex and I split up.

But I do remember my mum's reaction before I married when I spent one Christmas with ex's family and one with a friend of mine in Scotland. She was in a terrible state.

As a parent now, I wouldn't be upset if my children chose alternative arrangements.

Amethyst, I hope that you can enjoy your Christmas, whatever decision you make.

louby_lou

this will be my first christmas away from my parents home - im 26. this year my partner and i (of nearly 12 years) will be having our first proper christmas together and I am really looking forward to it. im going to spend some time with my parents before christmas day and then i plan to go back for a few days after christmas so we can have another christmas meal (oh. no. what a shame! pass the gravy!) they live 200 miles away and my partner only has xmas day off, so this is how it seems to work this year. my mum has never made me feel like i have to go back, but I really want to! we plan to move back near where they live so we wont have to do this again!

Winter_Jasmine

This will be our sixth Christmas living together (and first married!). We had 1st Christmas alone in the day, then my Mum, Dad & Brother came up for the evening - I hated it, the day was far too quiet. It would probably be fine now but at the time we'd only just moved in together and the house generally seemed quiet compared to the lovely nuthouse I grew up in

Since then we've alternated between ours and my parents' (in-laws always have everyone over for second Christmas on Boxing Day so there's never been an issue). Brother and SIL have been with us all but one Christmas.

This year's looking like it will be a special one as we've got my Mum & Dad, my brother and SIL and DH's Mum & Dad coming (things have been very strained with FIL for years - he only came to our house for the first time this year). MIL is so happy to be spending the day with us and FIL has been so much easier to get along with this year, so fingers crossed it will be a good one.

My only concern is brother and SIL who live 60 miles away - we absolutely adore them and get on brilliantly but I'm concious that they always seem to have to travel at Christmas (I'd happily go to their's for the day but it's never happened - I think Mum & I like to plan ahead far more than they do so probably 'get in first' - it genuinely wouldn't be an issue if they wanted us at theirs or wanted to be alone but I worry a bit that they think it might be). With that in mind, I'm trying for more of an eclectic Christmas, rather than everyone having 'my' day. Mum is cooking the turkey and doing the stuffing, brother is in charge of roasties (his are legendary!) and cranberry sauce, MIL is bringing her famous Christmas trifle, I'm cooking ham and beef to satisfy DH's carnivorous Christmas fantasy and he'll hopefully make parsnip crisps for us all to munch on before lunch. I've asked SIL if there are any traditions she would like to include and take charge of - think she's going to do bread sauce, which we've never had before so she's probably been missing it! Hopefully this will help to create a day that will be special and fun for everyone. If all else fails, I'll just have to make sure that we've got everyone's favourite drinks in :rotfl:

motherhen2234

Previously we've spent xmas day with OH mum and then driven to my parents for xmas night and a couple of days. This year for list of reasons were spending xmas day with OH mum and us and then New Year is xmas mark 2 with my parents. Xmas is for your family and its just about balancing. At the end of the day distance can be an issue and compromise is essential!

millymoomoo_2

I'm very lucky,

My OH's parents are doing the Christmas dinner at their house again and my parents are invited again. I'll be having a great Christmas day with everyone I love:D
I'm so lucky:T

Oh and this year my teenager wants to stay home with us instead of going to his Dad's in the afternoon. Which means for the first time in 7 years we will not have to leave the festivities and drive him over - his Dad can never be bothered to come and fetch him and it's only 10 miles:mad:

Amethyst_ice

I have a table and chairs!!!! It was delivered by a freecycler..its nowt fancy but now i can serve my meal on a table!!!!!

Also picked up a 6ft christmas tree from ebay

just need to plan my menu for 2 now!

Ive told my mum and grandma...little sis is planned for this weekend so im expecting moodiness, wish me luck!