When to stop going "home" for christmas?

Amethyst_ice

Hello,

Im 23 and live in a rented house with my bf of 2 years.

He was going to come to my family home for christmas this year but there have been a few family issues and tbh thinking back every year has arguments and leaves me feeling a bit huffy so i wondered- when did anyone stop going home for christmas?

The more i think about it, the idea of staying in my house, with my bf and our pets..not having to treck home and find pet sitters/ bring them with us just sounds more appealing.

I know it would be weird but it sounds so much less stressful!

However, if i decide to do this im not sure how to break it to my mum and teenage sister. I know they would be upset.

Just wondered everyone elses experiences?

PasturesNew

I've always gone home for Xmas... turned up last Xmas and I'm still here.

I think, certainly, once people live together they should break that cycle of expectation.

mum2one

Why don't you just say that you've had a busy year with one thing and another, and if all honestly, you just want to stay at home this christmas day - you can't use the excuse 1st christmas in the house, but going from that point, you didn't spend 1st xmas just you 2,

Maybe offer a comprisime - by having the family over Boxing day, say be like a 2nd christmas, xx

jackieb

Do you mean just for the day or going for a few days?

Loanranger

Do what you wish to do and whatever makes you and your partner happy.

I spent the first Christmas away from home when I got married, I was 20. We looked forward to just being together.
Visited the outlaws and my folks on Boxing Day and possibly Christmas Eve as well.
Be happy!

scubaangel

The boy and I are planning to spend a few days with my family and a few with his - no idea what order or who we'll be with on Christmas day itself.

I don't think either of us wants to not see our families at some point over the period but if you generally find that you don't get on with yours I can't see any reason why you shouldn't just say that you'd prefer to stay home and have your own Christmas celebration.

Mrs_Ryan

My family live 200 miles away and we do a pre-Xmas 'present run' I have to work Xmas Eve, Xmas Day, Boxing Day and New Year and this will be the third year Ive not been home, and tbh it still hurts that I cant see my family at Xmas, and there tends to be tears on Xmas Day. However, my mum says that Im grown up now and shouldnt worry about it - Im 30 and have lived away for five years, nearly 6 now.

Amethyst_ice

Yeh i get everyones points and some good ones too. The problem is distance..its a good 2 hour drive away..3 on train but only 2 a day.

My bf is the only one who drives and is working christmas eve and then back boxing day night so for me to zip around and see fam after bit tricky.

Other issue is i put it to my bf and he then suggested we could go to his sisters for christmas lunch (he comes from a huge family and they are having a big get together).

I dont want to offend him but if im going to be around a lot of people on christmas id rather my family than his..the whole point is i fancy a quiet christmas..i wouldnt mind him going to spend time with his family but then id get all that sympathy of being alone etc

its a toughie!

Amethyst_ice

oh and usually i go home for a week and a half around christmas then back to uni

the cost of rent etc i kinda dont want to be away much longer! sounds tight but im paying to live her lol plus theres our pets issue etc

podperson

I have a similar problem, even though I moved out when I was 18 (am now 29) have always at least gone over to see my family on Christmas Day. Last year me and oh moved about 200 miles away, ended up going back down for xmas but due to a few problems with the house and pets oh ended up only going down for a few days before xmas and travelling back on xmas eve so we were apart xmas day which I really hated (he's not very into xmas and said he wasn't bothered but I still felt bad!). This year I can see us having a similar problem, I was thinking about staying home for xmas day and going down for a few days either before xmas or between xmas and new year but when I mentioned to my mum I might not be down for xmas day she acted really upset, I know she makes a really big deal out of xmas so now I'm feeling guilty when I know we won't really do much if we stay at home.

skylight

I moved out 18 years ago and still have this problem. Now I have the kids, but every year I am expected to upheave all the kids and go elsewhere simply to please someone else. And every year I say no (and stick to it!) but it causes tension for a period of time. You really would have thought they would have got the message by now.

It's actually worse now I am a single mum to the five of them; because for some reason having more kids and being on my own makes the argument for taking them all out Christmas Day even more valid (from their point of view of course!)

I dislike Christmas sometimes. But my rules have always been the same even before the kids came along and that is it's an open house; anyone can come to visit and join in at any time but don't expect us to leave it.