Father contributing to baby stuff

EastMidsGal

Hi

Just need some advice about where I stand

I am currently pregnant and I split up with the babys father a few weeks ago when our relationship broke down

Since then I have not heard from him apart from when I sent him a text saying I was compiling a list of things the baby would need when it was born and did he want to know if I found out if the baby was a boy or girl at my scan. He texted back and said to email him the list and he would see what he could do and that he wanted to know the sex

I texted him after the scan and said everything was fine, but wasn't able to find out the sex. Later on that evening I emailed him the list for the baby together with prices. I haven't heard back about the text or the email

Once the baby is born I know I will receive maintenance, but is he obligated to help provide basic things like a pushchair, cot etc?

Also, what kind of access would be seen as reasonable once the baby is born, considering the baby will be breastfed

If we are unable to arrange things amicably between us and it ends up going through solicitors, would him not contributing towards a cot etc count against him or is he only expected to pay maintenance once the baby is born?

I want to be able to start buying things or putting enough money by to buy all the essentials, but it is hard to know what I need to get as I don't know what, if anything, he is getting as I have not heard anything from him. I am going to give it another day or two and chase him up, but would like to know where I stand if he continues to blank me and give me the run around

Any advice about where I stand financially and where access and contact is concerned would be really helpful thanks

balletshoes

I don't think he's legally obligated to pay for anything at all until the baby is born and you have applied for maintenance to be honest.

He may not realise, unless you have actually told him, that you want to know soon what he's going to buy before the birth. He might think he's got months to do this (which, to be fair, he has). Babies are expensive, so if I were you I'd save all the money you can, however much it is, and not worry too much about how much, if anything, baby's dad finds to put towards the costs.

I don't have any advice to give about access, but good on you for considering all of this, its a very sensible way to deal with the situation .

emsywoo123

Hiya
Not sure if my thread from earlier in the week will help at all..........

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2846730

Loopy_Girl

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Hiya
Not sure if my thread from earlier in the week will help at all..........

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2846730

How is your thread going to help this poster? Your situation is completely different to hers.

OP, legally he will have to contribute 15% of his net wage to you as child support. He is not obligated to buy anything else on top of that - that is his choice.

I am assuming he wants to be a part of the baby's lifes o access is really something you can sit down and discuss. Obvs breastfeeding has it's constraints but there are several options - could he come round to yours a couple of times a week? would you be willing to introduce a bottle and express breastmilk so that he could feed? he could come round and wait till a feed is finished and even take baby out for an hours walk...it's all about thinking out the box.

It's great that he wants to be involved and also wants to help you financially and he should be encouraged as much as poss to see baby...babies aren't teeny tiny forever remember and soon you will be able to get time to yourself and perhaps even overnight stays - blissful peace for you;)

Good luck on pregnancy

Loopy_Girl

EastMidsGal wrote: »

If we are unable to arrange things amicably between us and it ends up going through solicitors, would him not contributing towards a cot etc count against him or is he only expected to pay maintenance once the baby is born?

Maintenance and contact are not linked i.e you can get one without the other.

The courts are only interested in the welfare of children and trying to make sure they have 2 parents in their lives...the CSA are for child support.

As mentioned however, he is under no obligation at all to pay any money until the baby is born so I would work on the assumption that you are purchasing the baby stuff alone and if you get a lump sum from him then see it as a bonus.

emsywoo123

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

How is your thread going to help this poster?

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Maintenance and contact are not linked i.e you can get one without the other.

Answered your own question there Loopy, well done. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

diable

You will be lucky to get anything as it will depend on the relationship and whether he gives ash1t.

sp1987

No obligation to provide for a child who doesn't yet exist independant of mum.

Morally questionable as obviously then it is left to mum to buy what is needed in advance (but in reality you don't need most of the bits and bobs to get you started). A lot of the bits we bought in advance we didn't need for a few weeks in. We needed clothes, cot, bedding, a car seat, toiletries, nappies and feeding supplies. Everything else could have waited until after the birth.

Don't make the mistake of falling into the contribution = contact trap, your child won't appreciate it. If their father is useless they will see it for themselves and love you all the more for it.

Why not ask him which items he would like to purchase as you need to know which you are getting so you don't double up? That way you can see what his contributions are going to be (and prepare accordingly for a hand up or a let down!). If you are an ex couple he may not wish to give you cash or 'put towards' something you get the opportunity to choose/purchase, so maybe giving him the opportunity to get the item and have it as an item he bought may be more appealing.

*max*

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Answered your own question there Loopy, well done. :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I agree with Loopy. Aside from the fact you are both pregnant and separated from the baby's father, I don't see what your story has to do with the OP's specific question? I don't think "laughing" at Loopy is very helpful either.

LJM

i dont think you can make him buy anything if he doesnt want to though yes you will be able to claim maintance when baby born

EastMidsGal

Thanks so much for the responses, I wasn't sure if he did have an obligation to help provide before the baby is born. So now I can see he doesn't have a legal obligation I would have thought morally he would still have liked to contribute.

He asked me to send him the list and said he would see what he could do, I sent it to him as he asked, didn't hear anything back so sent him a text asking him if he could get back to me as I wanted to know what he was getting so I would know what I needed to buy as I wanted to take advantage of the sales, he hasn't replied to that either

So he asked me to send him the list and he said he would see what he could do. I didn't demand anything from him, I just initially asked him what, if anything, he was getting so I knew what I had to plan for. So now it is two text messages and an email that he has ignored. I don't know if he is just playing games or what, but it is frustrating that I don't know what I have to plan for. I am also excited and eager to go out baby shopping as is every pregnant woman and this is just an annoyance I don't need right now

I had hoped that as we will be seeing a lot of each other when the baby is born as he won't be able to take her out when she is small, that we would be able to keep things civil, but as he isn't even having the courtesy of acknowledging my texts and email, then I shall just take him out the equation and buy everything myself, seeing anything from him as a bonus