Father contributing to baby stuff

Gingham_Ribbon

EastMidsGal wrote: »

He emailed me back and has offered to put £350 straight into my bank which is wonderful and I am seeing it as a bonus. He also said he wants to sort things out amicably, I hope we do, cos the last thing I need is stress with a new baby and with the ex lol

That's great news. A very positive start.

Re access while you're breastfeeding, after a few months it will be easier to leave the baby for longer periods as they'll be having solids and water too. Prior to that though, you'll need to sit down together and discuss what works best for both of you. For example, would he be happy coming round and sitting with the baby while you have a lie down, coming down to feed if necessary? Would he be happy to take the baby out for a walk, coming back if she starts asking for a feed?

Remember that once breastfeeding is established you'll probably be able to let him have a bottle of expressed milk to take out with him.

DaisyFlower

EastMidsGal wrote: »

as he won't be able to take her out when she is small, that we would be able to keep things civil, but as he isn't even having the courtesy of acknowledging my texts and email, then I shall just take him out the equation and buy everything myself, seeing anything from him as a bonus

Why not? You can express if needed but there are usually at least a couple of hours between feeds anyway. If you want to do things amicably saying he cant take his own child out is not going to make things amicable in the least.

You seem very money orientated, chidlren as not "pay per view" and given that you are not supporting yourself or children its a little rich to paint him as the bad guy for not responding immediately to a tex asking for money to shop with. As you already have children do you not have the basics anyway?

EastMidsGal

Googlewhacker wrote: »

As opposed to seeing it as a father to be doing the right thing?

I am seeing it as a bonus as legally he is not obligated to provide anything before the baby is born, morally though it would be the right thing to help out, which he is doing

EastMidsGal

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Why not? You can express if needed but there are usually at least a couple of hours between feeds anyway. If you want to do things amicably saying he cant take his own child out is not going to make things amicable in the least.

You seem very money orientated, chidlren as not "pay per view" and given that you are not supporting yourself or children its a little rich to paint him as the bad guy for not responding immediately to a tex asking for money to shop with. As you already have children do you not have the basics anyway?

Oh don't be so ridiculous! I am not money orientated, I am just trying to work out how much money there is in the pot with which to buy things for the baby. I didn't say he had to pay to see his child and I was not throwing my toy out the pram because he didn't respond immediately, this was a case of sending him texts and emails over the course of a few days with nothing at all in return from him, just silence. I also only wanted to know what amount of access is seen as reasonable so I have an idea what the future holds.

I have another reason to ask about access though, because our relationship broke down because he became increasingly abusive and bullying towards my daughter and I and refused to see anything wrong in the way he acted, he would tell me it was my fault, or my daughters fault, or that she deserved it. We split up because he refused to see any wrongdoing on his part and refused to go to anger management sessions, so yes, I was dubious about how amicable he would be and I am nervous about what access he has to the baby. He hasn't actually done anything violent, just a lot of verbal and physical intimidation. But even his sister says he can't control himself or his emotions when he is tired or stressed, so I am worried how he would cope with a screaming baby. So at first I definitely won't be allowing him to take the baby out the house. But I am still giving him the benefit of the doubt because when he is in control he is the kindest man you could wish to meet and I hope a child will motivate him to go to anger management.

My daughter is nine, I kept every single thing she ever had, down to her booties and gloves, till she was seven when a house move forced me to get rid of everything

You've read an awful lot into my post and come up with a lot of assumptions that are way off the mark, can I clear anything else up for you? It really annoys me how anonymous people can make statements about people they know nothing about. I suppose you must feel very safe and pompous behind that screen of yours.

But I would also argue that as this whole site is about money saving everyone on it, including you, are money orientated :rotfl:

Broken_hearted

Looks like it is money orientated already playing the abuse card to block access after the breastfeeding excuse failed.
Two kids two blokes one way of earning a living I suppose.

pinkladyof66

After checking other posts made by OP I see that back in April she stated she was single and looking for ideas to meet people etc, and here we are in November and she is pregnant, gosh happens quickly nowadays, doesnt it ! I got the impression OP was talking about a long term relationship ! my opinion is the man wont stay true to his word you might see £350 now but I am sure he wont be hanging around long, was the pregnancy planned ?

DaisyFlower

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

After checking other posts made by OP I see that back in April she stated she was single and looking for ideas to meet people etc, and here we are in November and she is pregnant, gosh happens quickly nowadays, doesnt it ! I got the impression OP was talking about a long term relationship ! my opinion is the man wont stay true to his word you might see £350 now but I am sure he wont be hanging around long, was the pregnancy planned ?

Mmm call me a cynic but having also now read the OP's other posts it seems in April she had a meeting with her LP as her daughter was close to the age where return to work was needed, the same month asked for advice on meeting new people and then the following month was announcing she could be pregnant following unprotected sex at the time she was ovulating ....

pinkladyof66

DaisyFlower wrote: »

Mmm call me a cynic but having also now read the OP's other posts it seems in April she had a meeting with her LP as her daughter was close to the age where return to work was needed, the same month asked for advice on meeting new people and then the following month was announcing she could be pregnant following unprotected sex at the time she was ovulating ....

Yes seems very strange to me op was single at end of april 2010 then may 2010 thinks she may be pregnant ! Now November 2010 and is in fact pregnant !