Immoral_angel's Debt Diary

immoral_angeluk

ali007 wrote: »

I know a lot has been posted since but this post really touched a nerve with me as I had mild depression 10 yrs ago. I was told teh tablets would take 2 wks to work but woke up the next day feeling a lot better (wasn't the psychological boost of having them cos when I was told 2 wks I felt worse, thought I'd never be able to get through it).
PND is not constant. What makes it worse is when anything stressful happens - and as you've seen that happens a lot with a baby!!! But how you are reacting is text book stuff. Instead of thinking 'that wasn't nice of me' it becomes 'I'm a horrible person', if you break a glass it wasn't a stupid thing to do but was because you are stupid, instead of 'what a shame I've been let down and plans have to change' you decide it's all your fault for being so useless and planning wrong in the 1st place etc.
As for snapping out of it - yes, you do need to. And believe me, YOU WILL. However, you can only snap out of it and pull yourself up when you're nearly back up there anyway. Give it time, that's what the tablets are for. So keep taking them!
Chin up and have a great weekend with the birthday girl!

That makes sense as I seem to either be at one end or the other. Like yesterday and today I'm fine and positive, but when I've been down I've been REALLY down so I seem to be goings through extremes rather than having the range I would normally. I thought I was going mad to be honest! When someone says you have depression you expect to be down all the time but what you're saying makes total sense. Thank you.

elantan

glad to hear your feeling better IA but please just take them for a bit longer ...i found after i came off mine when ever i felt as if i mght be feeling stressed again i headed for St.Johns Wart...it may just purely be psychological but it helps me

Sea78

HI,

Do keep taking them- I have up and down days too. Ali007's advice was spot on!

We're thinking of going to the zoo on Sunday - OH's uncle gave him a little money for mother's day so fingers crossed. I hope you have a wonderful time

Sea xx

onedayiwill

Hi IA,

I've been following your story but haven't posted until now. I have depression (not PND) and something you said really struck a chord with me ...

I feel a bit of a fraud this morning. I don't feel too bad. Still a bit off from what Ste said but I do feel better for having spoken to the doctor but now I feel better I keep convincing myself that I've been making it all up or something daft.

This could have been me talking. Seriously. I was forever "feeling like a fraud" and I'd end up going round in circles on this one. Round and round and round and round and round and round and round and if I wasn't crazy enough with my depression the thought that I was a fraud made me feel even worse. This was without medication.

Eventually my friend made me go to the doctor and I got help. like you, even once I had saught help and been given a prescription for the meds I didn't want to take them. I think it is normal ... it's something to do with the way our brains work when we are depressed ... it took a lot of encouragement from my friend to make me take them. I think it took 2 weeks from being given the prescription to taking the first tablet.

The feelings of being a fraud stayed with me for a long time. For me part of it was based in the fact that, as I saw it, I had "no reason" to be depressed and if everyone else can get on with living their lives why can't I?. My doctor told me said "It's a symptom of the depression. It'll go away, with time. Keep taking the tablets. You will have huge swings from feeling good to feeling bad and it will be horrible, but with time the swings will become smaller and less frequent ... and eventually they'll disappear". He had to tell me this at every visit for months!

But it turns out he was right. My depression was very deep and it was years before I got help ... but I have now been on ADs for 14 months and my swings, though they are still there, are indeed much shallower. Sometimes if I get stressed about something, or something unexpected happens, I still go completely to pieces. But I get over it much quicker now. The doc and I are reducing my dose with a view to stopping. Life is much better.

Hopefully you will only need the meds for a short period to help you over this difficult period. Be prepared that it might not all be smooth sailing - I think you already know that. Try not to look for improvement day by day (though I know from experience how difficult that is when we are depressed and just trying to do daily activities requires so much of our focus), but rather look back at the end of a week and see how it was "generally" compared to the week before. You'll find that there is a steady improvement even if you have had some really crappy days that week.

Take care IA. I love your posts to others and think you have done amazingly. Keep up the good work.

immoral_angeluk

Well so much for feeling better. I seem to have gone very bipolar with my emotions.. getting angry over the stupidest thing and then feeling sad about getting angry the next. Am currently now not feeling bothered about anything... oh the joy. Feel really sorry for Ashli as I've been mostly taking it out on her. I seem to have hit a lull now and just don't feel bothered by anything.


Sounds stupid but right now I'm not even bothered about money even though I know we're going to struggle as they're taking off Ste's paternity pay at the end of this month. Haven't got a clue how we're going to deal with it and can't really be bothered to work it out right now. Feel like I just want to sit on the sofa and wallow in my own self pity.

*sigh*

Guess I'd better carry on taking the pills!

onedayiwill

It's OK to sit on the sofa and wallow. We all need to wallow. Just give yourself a time limit and then go and do something else.

beanielou

Sorry, must have missed this.
Why are they taking off Steve's paternity pay?

immoral_angeluk

beanielou wrote: »

Sorry, must have missed this.
Why are they taking off Steve's paternity pay?

Because he had 2 week paternity leave when K was born and his company only pays full pay for 3 days and then you get a week at £108. for some reason they've not taken off the difference between his normal pay and his paternity pay until now meaning we're going to be around £140ish down on his wages at the end of the month.

immoral_angeluk

Right, count myself officially wallowed. Is that a word? Spent the past 3 hours or so on the sofa playing worms and hexic on the 360.. still feel poo and can't be arsed but have got to feed the girls and then get them ready to go pick up Ste so no excuse to wallow anymore.

onedayiwill

Glad you're officially wallowed I can play hexic for hours when I'm down. And Zuma, Astropop, Bejeweled ....