Please help my Mum! She is burying her head in the sand, HELP!

Malestrom

Thats excellent news Blade, i'm really happy that things are starting to become clearer for you and your Mum. Over the next few weeks the light at the end of that tunnel will start to get a bit brighter and the stress will ease off a lot. The real moment of relief is when all the creditors agree to a fixed payment and you know where you stand.

As you say, its probably best to ease off on the 'Dad' angle for now, your Mum has enough else to worry about but you can be sure that it'll be at the back of her mind. I hope you won't mind keeping us updated, its great when someone posts back that they've turned things around.

ashmit

I don't have anything practical to say, but I wanted to say that I'm glad you feel better. You and your sister are fantastic to be helping your mum like this and it's good to know that CAB are helping you and that your mum's had a windfall that helps her. Keep up the good work and keep posting here - we're thinking of you

Debt_Free_Chick

Agree with Malestrom (who is a good egg, around here). Ease off on the Dad stuff and let your Mum think it over.

Great news about CAB. They will offer moral support to you & your mum but, also, they will help practically if any of the CC companies are being difficult.

re the letters ... you would have to be very lucky for all the creditors to simply accept the first letter you write. Don't be alarmed if they pass the case on to another department or debt collectors - this is standard with many companies. Don't allow them to bully (which is harrassment & against the law) or persuade your Mum to "manage a bit more" by way of payments. She must stick to her guns ... she can only afford what she's got and they can't have what she ain't got. Don't want to frighten you, but you must be prepared for this, as some creditors will "try it on" to see if she really does have more money to give them (yeah, right ....).

Two things ... she must insist that they only deal with her in writing. She must not take calls from them and must not agree to deal with this by telephone. Secondly, once she has her financial statement, whenever they write for more money, she simply resends (and keeps sending) her financial statement to say "I can only afford £x, will you please accept this offer".

Any problems, please post back. Hope you slept well. Good Luck Blade :-)

stellagypsy

CAB were wonderful when we had problems 15 years ago (there wasn't anywhere else to go then) - very supportive and helpful. Your mum is in good hands. If she gets any phone calls she should refer them straight to CAB and pass any letters straight on to them too.

Blade26

Just thought I would pop on, to say that so far we haven't had any response to any of the letters, but they would have only received them on Wednesday.

I have had a look on another forum debthelpuk.com, and it appears that Citi Financial are in alot of people's experiences quite difficult to come to any agreement with. To this end, we are going to see what response we get, if by mid-week next week we havent heard anything back we are going to fax copy letters to the companies concerned. Also, my sister has some money put aside from doing her PGCE last year, so we are hoping that she may be able to clear this debt and Mum then pay her back when she gets the compensation cheque. Has anyone else had expereinces with Citi Cards? I had never heard of them until all this.

Have found the following ways that Mum can cut back her outgoings:

1. Reduced Sky package, tried to get her to cancel it altogether but my Dad watches alot of Sky Sports. I think therefore that Dad should pay the subscription!
2. Cancelled payment protection on all the cards, Mum was under the impression that it would cover you if you were unable to pay in any circumstances. I have looked at all the small print and of course this is not the case, so that is an extra £50ish in her pot to pay back every month
3. Looked into untilities providers, currently she is paying £80 a month for dual fuel to Powergen, I have found that she can save over £150 by swopping, so I am waiting for her to find the paperwork as she thinks that she is tied in for a period of time.
4. Looking into phone providers, going to post on the relevant board about this as I am a bit confused, but I am absolutely convinced that they could reduce the phone bill
5. Me and my sister are going to introduce her to shopping at Aldi, we have done so since we have been at Uni, and have to admit that their products are better quality than Tesco etc. We are also going to get her to go shopping without Dad as he is a 'sod' for putting things that they dont need in the trolley then expecting Mum to pay for it. She used to use a local butcher and veg shop, so I am encouraging her to return to them. The convenience of getting everything under one roof is far outweighed by the quality of products from your local shops. There is also a lady she used to work with who runs a farm, so I am going to ask her to start getting me eggs etc from her and hopefully she migth follow suit.

Can anyone else think of any other money saving that we can do in ths short term?

Cheers for now

Blade26

Sofa_Sogood

Blade26?

Although I disagreed with others, but didn't mention it, about your Dad being informed about what's going on, I've got to admit they're probably right and I'm wrong.

What's the point in your Dad having savings for holidays etc, when your Mum's in so much debt? It doesn't seem right, and it does seem a bit one-sided to say the least doesn't it?

I'd imagine your Mum's embarrassed about the whole thing, hence her reluctance to let your Dad know, but I'd be tempted to have a word in your Dad's shell-like and point out how unequal things appear to be.

It's all well and good your Dad putting extras in the shopping trolley, but he's not paying for it is he? Forgive me if I missed something, and he is.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm pontificating, I don't mean to because it's obvious that you and your sister are helping your Mum as much as possible, and your Mum's finally seeing sense and addressing the problem.

But what's your Dad doing? Not very much from what's been said.

Maybe it's time to ask for some practical help from him? He doesn't need to know everything just yet, but maybe a reminder that times have changed and couples don't still work that way anymore and that money's usually pooled between a couple?

Good luck and keep posting and apologies if this seems harsh or flippant, it's not meant to, it's just a hazard of text.

Spendless

Blade
i've been reading this thread for some time and wish you all the best in sorting it out.

I agree with what the previous poster has said.

What is your mums income compared to how much she is paying out?

You can do things like ring up Sky and say you want to close your account when it's probable that they'll offer you a half price package for 3 months. There's a thread on this site about it somewhere.

surfergirl_3

Blade26

Have read your posts with interest.
I cant add anything to the advice that you have already been given, except to say that your mum is very lucky to have two such caring daughters.

As parents we are always supposed to have the answers, but as you have shown that is not always the case.

It is thanks to Martin, this site, and its posters that people are becoming more aware.

I wish you and your family all the best in resolving your problems.

Keep your chin up.

Cheers

Surfergirl

moneypennyless

Hi Blade 26,

I have been reading this thread, and I am really impressed by the way yourself and your sister have been and are helping your mum, and also by the lovely, caring and helpful posters on this board.

I haven't anything to add that would be different from anybody elses posts, but just wanted to wish you, your sister and your mum all the luck in the world, and she is very lucky to have you both as daughters.

I hope you hear from the cc companys shortly, and that its good news to help you pay them back.

Best of luck hun, and keep up the good work, and the good will.
xx

allycat_3

Hi there
just a thought - don't be too quick to jump on your Dad - there seems to have been some not so good communication going on over the years...it's very easy to judge from outside a relationship... for all he knew she seemed happy with the arrangement. Take time to see his side of things too. As far as he knows things are fine. Both adults should take responsibility for the situation.
Hope you are not offended. This is said from the best intention.
Allycat xx