The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

N.I.M

Birdie85 wrote: »

I was trying to think of a good way to say what NIM said about begging so thanks for putting it into words!

Along similar lines of Tete's advice about cutting contact, I was going to ask for some advice today about a friend of mine actually. Her BF broke up with her in March but hasn't let go, she's desperately in love with him so can't cut the contact, when she tries he goes overboard trying to get her to talk to him so she's getting really mixed signals. Its like he doesn't really want her but doesn't want anyone else to have her and if he feels like she's moving on he has to ruin it and mess her head up again. She let slip a couple of weeks ago that they're having a 'casual thing' i.e. she's his booty call, and they haven't been using protection (well, she's on the pill but YKWIM). I asked OH what he knows about what the guy's been up to (as BIL lives with him) and he told me that this guy has been with at least 10 girls in as many weeks and he even let slip that he'd cheated a few times during their 2 years together. She doesn't believe us when we say that he's playing her and she's just one of many girls he's been seeing but we're worried that she's going to catch something from him but we just don't know how to make her see sense and look after herself?! We're really worried.

And this ^^^ is why it's best to always cut contact completely!

This was nearly in capitals, short of video evidence she wont see it. She knows in her heart what he's doing but she doesnt want to. You have two options, just be there for her and help her pick up the pieces when she finally sees him do something, or take a metal pipe to his head neck shoulders legs...I think you get where I'm going here. He needs to cut ties with her cause she never will.

Dinah93

I have no idea what to stay to that Birdie! If she doesn't want to listen to you thats worrying - I would always take my friends advice at face value because if they are my friends why would they lie? Is she a bit of an ostritch or does she genuinely think they haven't really broken up?

I think I'm a let down to my gender, while the cheating dissapoints me as its disrespectful I still thought 'quodos for the 10 women in 3 months'!

Birdie85

Yeah, I was kind of impressed by the 10 girls thing (he was a bit of a ladies man back in the day!), but I'm not impressed that he could be passing on nasties picked up from all these girls to my friend! :eek:

I think she's hiding her head in the sand, when we talk to her and ask her to be careful she just says 'But I love him'... but I don't know how she can love someone who treats her so badly? He drives her to tears nearly every day, she's blowing off going out with her friends to race to his house because he's decided he wants to 'see' her. It's awful to watch. 2 weeks ago she told my friend that she'd found 2 used condoms in his bin and asked him about it and he told her that they were a friend's who'd borrowed his bed!!! :eek: And she's actually talked herself into believing it because she's that desperate for it to be true.

Dinah93

Lmao sorry but she's an ostrich, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard! He'd have been better saying 'sometimes I use them to have a quick one off the wrist as its less messy that way'!

Birdie85

That's what I thought! First excuse that popped into my head was a 'Posh One'!

Now he's telling her that he wants them to be together but wants them to live together, which they can't do until she finishes uni in 2013 as he can't afford to support her... so it's another excuse as to why they can't be together now but it's that carrot he's dangling so she can't move on... Grrr, I wish I could beat him up! He's actually scared to speak to me and my friend if he sees us out as he knows that we're going to give him a piece of our mind!

poddle911

Birdie85 wrote: »

I think she's hiding her head in the sand, when we talk to her and ask her to be careful she just says 'But I love him'... but I don't know how she can love someone who treats her so badly? He drives her to tears nearly every day, she's blowing off going out with her friends to race to his house because he's decided he wants to 'see' her. It's awful to watch. 2 weeks ago she told my friend that she'd found 2 used condoms in his bin and asked him about it and he told her that they were a friend's who'd borrowed his bed!!! :eek: And she's actually talked herself into believing it because she's that desperate for it to be true.

Dinah93 wrote: »

Lmao sorry but she's an ostrich, that's the worst excuse I've ever heard! He'd have been better saying 'sometimes I use them to have a quick one off the wrist as its less messy that way'!

Nooo!! That's outrageous - she must know she's being !!!!ed around ('scuse the expression) and she needs to put an end to it. Birdie, I don't think there's much you can do if she won't listen - you may end up being the bad guy if you make her face up to it, but she's completely deluded.

poddle911

Birdie85 wrote: »

That's what I thought! First excuse that popped into my head was a 'Posh One'!

That's hilarious! I've never heard that expression before :rotfl:

Tete_en_l'Air

At least by the sounds of it he's using protection with the other girls. Sounds as though she won't listen so could you not get OH and his brother to give him a good talking to to stop messing her about?

Birdie85

Well you clearly don't know any posh blokes Poddle! :rotfl:

I spoke to my other friend about it last night and she's really worried, we actually would rather she hate us for a bit if it meant showing her that she's being 'played' around but she's so up-and-down we can't really bear to do it to her since we're supposed to be there for support, not to make things feel worse. Argh, it's not nice!

ETA: That was the silver lining Tete, although I'm still worried as he's told OH for years that he's a 'bare-back rider' so I don't know how new the protection-using is IYKWIM?! OH has tried telling him to leave her alone but he doesn't listen, says he'll let her get on with her life then as soon as OH leaves he's on the phone to her! :mad:

N.I.M

Get someone you know to hook up with him and get pics?