The Ultimate Incentive to get debt free… again. Dinah & NIM go head to head!

Flower08

Birdie85 wrote: »

I'm sure you'll do fine with the millionaires shortbread Flower, just give yourself loads of time to do it if you're like me, a 'quick' recipe usually takes me about 2-3 hours!

Well he'll be leaving the house at 6am and wont be home til 6pm, so that gives me plenty of time :rotfl:

Dinah93

How did I miss Tete calling herself a hag?! Stupid woman, you're beautiful, talented, creative, caring, and so humble you don't even realise what a catch you are. But you're also picky and don't want to risk being hurt again so meeting Mr Right will take time. Personally I went the other way of immersing myself in Mr Wrongs until fate decided to intervene before years of body abuse and late nights meant I wouldn't be around to enjoy him - your way is much more mature!

I was shocked by a breakup when I was 21 Zig, a month earlier we'd been talking about marriage and he'd been naming babies, and then suddenly he was gone. It was gutting and made no sense at the time as it was my future being snatched away that I hated. I had to kiss a few more frogs, but I can hand on heart say I'm a lot happier now than I was with him, I didn't realise the missing pieces that made the relationship great rather than just good until I actually had them, even though at the time I considered myself a very happy lady. It took 4 years to be happy again, but I'm sure it will happen if he doesn't sort his head out and decide he can't live without you. And you deserve a man who can't live without you. x

Birdie85

Just go with the random crying, the more you try to stop it the worse it gets and you need to get it out What are you doing on Saturday that you need to keep appearances up for and isn't there a way out of it?

ETA: Beautiful wise words from Dinah ^^^

N.I.M

At the risk of being on the receiving end of the "Man B@$t@rd" attacks I've 2 things which need saying.

Firstly Tete, hag? Definitely not. Theres hundreds of guys out there who would kill for a woman like you, trust me.
Second Zig, I could start going on about how things happen for a reason yadda yadda yadda but thats not gonna do you any good. What I will say is that if he doesnt come to his senses and realise what he has then he doesnt deserve to have it. But the whole begging him to come back is the one thing that is guarantees to drive him away, and even if it did work do you want to wonder "I begged him to come back, but does he really want to be back?"

Tete_en_l'Air

Oh heck sorry I'm a doom-monger whether it's heartbreak or baking!

Flower, I've tried it twice and once it was too runny, the other time the caramel went like fudge (was very tasty both times though) - I spoke to a few people and apparently it's a difficult one to perfect. I always recommend the Nigella chocolate Guinness cake (on her site) or the Hummingbird lemon loaf (recipe copied out here) - both are fairly easy, foolproof in my experience, and very impressive.

Zig I didn't mean to dash your hopes I'm sorry, but I think to say 'oh you'll be fine in a month' is unrealistic and it trivialises what you're going through. A friend said to me at the time (she was cheated on and dumped by her fiance a few years ago, the only one of my friends who really knew how I was feeling - all the others have been ecstatic with their OHs for years and only ever had breakups with short term boyfs at college and uni) that not only has your life changed completely, but your whole future has disappeared and become uncertain and that's probably the most difficult thing to deal with. You can manage with the day to day stuff just by plodding a day at a time, it's when you think about the bigger picture you get overwhelmed, or at least I did and still do now.

How come you have to keep up appearances? There's no way I could do that and I don't think it's a good idea. If he wanted to keep up appearances he could have waited til after the weekend to bring it up in the first place. I think the best thing you can do is avoid all contact and I know it's hard, but it really is the best way. Don't feel as though you have to keep up appearances for other people's sake - you're going through a hell of alot without complicating things.

Birdie - made me cry :kisses3:

EDIT - Dinah just said the same thing about a future being snatched away. We are wise old birds
You're right I am picky and (now) untrusting - doesn't bode well does it. I've had my fair share of Mr-Wrong-immersion too, not really into that anymore! Spinsterhood for now..

EDIT again - NIM makes a good point there too...

N.I.M

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

NIM makes a good point there too...

Of course I do, I'm awesome. :rotfl::rotfl:

Dinah93

2 near 3 year relationships under my belt which fell apart, I could definately have erred towards cynicism if NIM wasn't such a chirpy begger.

poddle911

Oh Zig, I'm so sorry to hear what's going on, and I can only echo what's already been said. I hope it's a tiny bit of comfort to know that you have all these brilliant women (and NIM of course) here to share their wisdom and humour at such a crappy time. As Birdie says, there's not anything that will make you feel better immediately, but cry, eat, stomp, rant as much as you like as long as you look after yourself xx

And, Tete, I hope it won't embarrass you if someone else points out how great you are (and a hundred superlatives I don't have time to list now) but I completely admire you. It makes me sad that your 'outward' achievements and brilliant personality don't match up with what you feel inside but, as you say, the road to recovery is a long one, and I hope you're well on your way. Crumbs that was fairly inarticulate, but hope you know what I mean. I know the catalyst for your SuperLucy challenges and creative pursuits was the worst possible reason, but I love how much you've done!

Oops, I didn't mean to gush

Flower, good luck with the baking - 12 hours should be plenty of time!!

dippykitty

zigmeister wrote: »

Last night, completely out of the blue, OH was like 'I don't know what I want etc' and we have decided to split.

I am completely devastated. He's not sure whether he wants to be with me for the rest of his life, and he's scared to move out (with me?)

I feel so lonely and lost. The only thing that gave me a glimmer of hope was how amazing you've done Tete.

I feel so sick and I have really bad toothache in every tooth if that makes sense. I miss him.

So sorry to hear that! Must have come as a huge shock if he'd never dropped any hints before that. Hope you're holding up ok (as well as can be expected anyway).

Birdie85

I was trying to think of a good way to say what NIM said about begging so thanks for putting it into words!

Along similar lines of Tete's advice about cutting contact, I was going to ask for some advice today about a friend of mine actually. Her BF broke up with her in March but hasn't let go, she's desperately in love with him so can't cut the contact, when she tries he goes overboard trying to get her to talk to him so she's getting really mixed signals. Its like he doesn't really want her but doesn't want anyone else to have her and if he feels like she's moving on he has to ruin it and mess her head up again. She let slip a couple of weeks ago that they're having a 'casual thing' i.e. she's his booty call, and they haven't been using protection (well, she's on the pill but YKWIM). I asked OH what he knows about what the guy's been up to (as BIL lives with him) and he told me that this guy has been with at least 10 girls in as many weeks and he even let slip that he'd cheated a few times during their 2 years together. She doesn't believe us when we say that he's playing her and she's just one of many girls he's been seeing but we're worried that she's going to catch something from him but we just don't know how to make her see sense and look after herself?! We're really worried.

And this ^^^ is why it's best to always cut contact completely!