seperating.. help i dont know what to do

jammy_dodger

many thanks again for your support , i didnt want to keep posting on here with my woes the crying hits me in waves am fine one minute then next in buckets not got stomach for eating and sleep none existent , oh came home and we left talking to this morning

he has agreed to move out and i asked he did this ssoon as, either find a floor or a hotel for a few nights until he can find something more permanent flat or something
i just need space and time to adjust and get thing into proportion in my head
he is in process of making arrangements so will be going sooner rather than later just waiting on someone getting back to him , the atmosphere is calm we were never a rowy shouty couple and we both know its the right thing to be doing at the moment give each other space ...
.i still havent told ds he gets back to school the morn so i will likely tell him when he gets back from school , so still keeping up my smiley mum face
i shall go to my bank in the morning i think to sort out own bank account for my salary to be paid into..and take it from there still not sure at this stage to go see solicitor did have a look on wikidivorce page thanks for the link some useful info on there so am preparing for all eventuallities but dont want to commit or make hasty wrong disissions

thank you once again i shall keep posting

zzzLazyDaisy

((hugs))

It is a bad time, and what you are feeling is absolutely normal.

It is a good thing to get your own bank account sorted out, and have your salary paid in. As far as the joint account is concerned, all the money in it belongs to both account holders and either can access the funds, or indeed empty the account.

One other thing - as soon as he moves out, you need to phone the council and get the 25% single person's reduction on your council tax.

Depending on your circumstances, you may also be entitled to an increase in child tax credit and/or working tax credits and/or council tax benefit. If you go to https://www.entitledto.com and input your figures you will get an idea of what you might be entitled to. Don't delay doing this as running a home and raising a child on one wage will be very different from when you had two wages coming in.

Any maintenance you get from your OH is ignored for benefit purposes.

Also. just to say, once you feel ready to seek legal advice, this doesn't commit you to anything. You don't have to make decisions, or start any balls rolling, but just treat it as an information gathering exercise. The reason that it is important is that while there is lots of info out there, it is all general 'one size fits all' info. A good solicitor will be able to give you advice and information tailored to your own particular circumstances.

It is a difficult time, you have support here. Keep posting.

Hugs

Daisy

jammy_dodger

just to update and its with thanks to all the support on here i have managed to get this far

OH is going tomorrow to a b and b , and we have looked online to cost out more permanent accomodation so whilst he is away over the next coulple of days is going to sort something out

one thing we want to avoid is debt trap so we are trying to be sensible with our desission making , he may have to come back for a few days until a flat can be ready to move in to staying too long in b and b will just run up huge costs

though initially we wasnt going to have seperate accounts we now are agreed thats its best purely so i dont have to see where his money goes as i do my banking on line

he is going to set up standing order to help with DD expenses and Ds living costs at an agreed ammount

am not looking forward to speaking to my ds but will get through

have still decided to wait longer before i break news to dd

i dont feel i can face work yet, its a hands on social enviroment and not sure i can keep a brave face on thingds so i am going to see my gp to see if he will sign me off for a while till i am stronger

he has agreed should stay in home as half a house each is worthnothing and gives some stability to the children

though the grief hits me in waves i feel at moment beacuse i have a focus on sorting out practicalities of my situation the distraction is a welcome one , it feels like ...preparations for a funneral if that makes sense wihtout being dramatic ....

thanks again :Axxjd xx

rachel6188

Massive hugs. I'm so sorry you are going through this. xox

globetraveller

I'm sure your gp will sign you off. To be honest, you probably won't be fit to work for a few days. You have made a lot of decisions quickly. If you think your daughter is in any danger of hearing about it from someone else then you should contact her. With computers and mobiles, friends may be in contact with her quite frequently. But I do understand why you dont want to.
Take care. xx

vaio

I'd certainly see your daughter face to face in the not too distant future

jammy_dodger

my DD is studying over 400 miles away and we keep in touch via phone email text etc , we live in a rural area and she would not here informatin from home, or friends one thing having no neighbours i guess ..thanks

WASHER

I would definately tell my DD as soon as possible, with all the media sites, facebook etc, someone could tell her. I know you say you have no neighbours but people will talk, if you tell your DS, he tells his best mate, his best mate tells his mother and so on.

jammy_dodger

globetraveller wrote: »

I'm sure your gp will sign you off. To be honest, you probably won't be fit to work for a few days. You have made a lot of decisions quickly. If you think your daughter is in any danger of hearing about it from someone else then you should contact her. With computers and mobiles, friends may be in contact with her quite frequently. But I do understand why you dont want to.
Take care. xx

thanks globetrotter , i dont want to make hasty decissions or the wrong ones i may regret later, trying to keep level head on and stay strong for us all , your support is appreciated greatly xx

ailuro2

jammy_dodger wrote: »

my DD is studying over 400 miles away and we keep in touch via phone email text etc , we live in a rural area and she would not here informatin from home, or friends one thing having no neighbours i guess ..thanks

Jammy dodger, all it would take is one comment on facebook /twitter or one of her friends parents asking if everything was OK between her parents....

News travels fast these days, none more so than bad news.:( Perhaps the Dad's moved out so we can have a bit of a break from each other might be easier to say than "it's all over"

I know it's at times like these that you wonder how the rest of the world can carry on as if nothing has happened and everything seems a bit strange, but soon you'll look back and wonder how you got through these terrible first few days and realise how strong you really are.;)