seperating.. help i dont know what to do

LJM

i am so sorry to hear this for your sake it isnt a nice situation,i would have to agree with previous posters if your husband has agreed to move out and you can afford to stay in the family home i would do so as you also have your children to think about and have to take how it will affect them into account. i know it is hard but as they say time is a great healer, good luck with everything x

whichwhydoIturn

hi, there will be light at the end of the tunnel. there are and will always be people on here to support you in the days ahead.it seems worse now, however, time apart may make you both think back and see how you got lost, which is so easy to do these days with all the pressures of life.big hug xx

jammy_dodger

thank you all so so much the hardest bit just now is putting my smile back on and drying my eyes when son is about( he'll be thinking its some cold i have !) i dont want to tell him anything till i have had chance to see oh and see what painful discissions we make
.i want him to come home soon( OH )but i dont want him to come home if that makes sense as we will have to seriously talk that wont be till morning

i really deep down know it is going to be final theres no going back i just want the pain to go away ..move that clock forward ....

thanks again and yes will have to sort out a bank acount of my own

jammy_dodger

my family has suddenly halved i feel in the household with DD just going away to uni boy o boy i miss her ... trying to be "normal" have just baked mountain of cookies i shall share one with you all lovely people in cyber space xxx

clearingout

be gentle with yourself. It's not easy - and even if you know it's the right thing, it doesn't help the pain of betrayal. As someone coming up to her second anniversary since separation and first year since the divorce was granted, I can tell you that you do eventually come out of the other side.

Stay put in the house. If he's going to move out, that's fine, there's no argument so not a problem. All the better that you can afford it on your own - so many can't. Longer term you may need to think about buying him out - but don't worry about that now.

It helps very much to get your head around the legal side of things as fast as you can - keeping one step ahead can prove important. I would suggest getting yourself over to www.wikivorce.com where the advice is good and the support better. Use the chat facility for moments when you feel lonely - people understand, you don't need to explain yourself. Be prepared for your husband to behave very badly - some manage not to, way too many go down the nasty route so if you can understnad what may/may not happen from a legal point of view, he's not in a position to bowl you over and get you to agree to things you don't understand. And be prepared for that 'my solicitor is better than yours' moment 'cos I guarentee it'll happen at some point!

Let yourself greive - it's very, very hard. Don't underestimate the time it will take to start feeling better and remember there are no hard and fast rules about 'getting over it'. Ignore friends and family who say 'but aren't you over that now?' because they have no idea. Sadly, there' s no avoiding the pain, you just have to keep on ploughing through it but you get there in the end, I promise.

I hate reading these threads - takes me back to sobbing in car parks whilst I took the pram out of the back of the car and seriously considering driving off the road. But I didn't and I'm OK. Time and perspective help. Take care xxx

rachel6188

I'm so sorry to hear all this huni, I want to offer support. We are all here for you and I hope you and your OH can talk and come to some decisions about whats happening etc. Massive hugs and I hope your coping ok. xox

pandora205

Sorry to hear your news - Although shocked, you sound like you are very sensible and fortunate to be good with money and able to support yourself, which is a good start. You need to think about yourself and your son first and let your husband make his own arrangements (after all he caused the problem). Ensure that you have separate bank accounts and investigate how much is reasonable for maintenance (CSA website has a calculator to give you an idea).

You will need to tell your son. Would you think about doing this together, without too much detail, as this shows that you are both thinking of him. I know you don't want to upset your daughter but she may be a support for you and she does have a right to know. It may be better to do this sooner rather than later, as coming up to Christmas wouldn't be a brilliant time. You may also find that work colleagues, although not close friends, can be amazingly supportive and understanding. Is there someone there you can confide in?

zzzLazyDaisy

My cousin's marriage ended 5 months before her 30th wedding anniversary - she'd been with him since she was 17. I remember standing in her kitchen telling her that it would all be okay, that she would come out the other side, and she would have a whole new life ahead of her. It didn't comfort her then, of course it didn't. She was abandoned and scared, with a girl of 14, and a son just off to Uni - much like OP.

Fast forward 4 years.... she is happy and in control of her life. We have been on loads of holidays together and seen the world, something she never would have done if she'd stayed with him as he controlled all the spending.

After two years, he realised he'd made a mistake and wanted her back, but she decided that she likes her life just the way it is.

Things WILL get better. It doesn't feel like it right now. Give yourself time to grieve and allow as long as it takes. Nothing is final right now, and anything can happen, but you will feel a bit better about things if you take as much control as you can ... feeling powerless only adds to the distress.

ailuro2

He might have somewhere to stay - the new woman he's been seeing - (sorry to be the one to say it) so stay put and don't do anything rash...

your youngest is at an important age, so needs stability as much as possible, so it wouldn't be good to move to a new place right now.

You will be able to set up a legal agreement to pay your ex half of the proceeds when the property is sold in X number of years from now.

denton6

just want to send you a hug, i know how you are feeling right now. take care