** Getting stoned at B&Q ** Urgent advice needed.

westiea

Laughed so long and hard that my Tena sample was severely tested!.

I would take the torn bag, plus a handful back and explain the situation to B and Q. See if they agree that the item is misleading and replace it?

rugbymum

PhylPho wrote: »

BLKPEBBS at £7.48p a bag. (Whoops.)

We are indeed going to hire a wheelchair, two nurses, back-up ambulance, Alan Titmarsh, and an opthamologist so as to return to B&Q tomorrow in hope of presenting a convincing argument, albeit I never remember having this kind of trouble, taking something back to M&S.

Thanks again, gang. :T

Dear PhylPho
I am posting to remind you that the two nurses supplied by the agency are there in a NURSING capacity. The fact that you requested "the special outfits", indicates to me that you may have some sort of "Benny Hill" type fantasy. Attempting to chase aforementioned nurses will aggravate any existing heart conditions caused by extreme "BLKPEBBS at £7.49 a bag" syndrome, which, as you know, can only be cured by Customer Services at B&Q.
RM (odd shaped balls only, ta!)

hartcjhart

rugbymum wrote: »

Dear PhylPho
I am posting to remind you that the two nurses supplied by the agency are there in a NURSING capacity. The fact that you requested "the special outfits", indicates to me that you may have some sort of "Benny Hill" type fantasy. Attempting to chase aforementioned nurses will aggravate any existing heart conditions caused by extreme "BLKPEBBS at £7.49 a bag" syndrome, which, as you know, can only be cured by Customer Services at B&Q.
RM (odd shaped balls only, ta!)

errmm excuse me can you get the facts right before you come in here making accusations,

they are BLKPEBBS 7.48 a bag

NOT

BLKPEBBS 7.49 a bag

rugbymum

hartcjhart wrote: »

errmm excuse me can you get the facts right before you come in here making accusations,

they are BLKPEBBS 7.48 a bag

NOT

BLKPEBBS 7.49 a bag

Oh H*ll, it's more serious than I thought.
I mistakenly assumed it was BLKPEBBS at £7.49 a bag syndrome, but as it's an advanced case of BLKPEBBS at £7.48 a bag, then I would take Dairmud Gavin with you, along with Mr Tichmarsh when you go for treatment at B&Q. A second opinion usually works wonders!

hartcjhart

here you are OP,
a bit of therapy for you

PhylPho

kazzah60 wrote: »

PhylPHo and everyone else - thank you
you have made me laugh out loud this evening

Well I'm glad you're having fun. I'm a nervous and physical wreck.

kazzah60 wrote: »

I thought my back was bad this evening after moving several 5LT LGECLERPLASSTOR boxes full of tombola prizes for a charity event next weekend
but obviously my sore back from moving 5 5LT LGECLERPLASSTOR boxes can in no way compare to your bad back from moving BLKPEBBS at £7.48p.

Dear God please no, not 5LT LGECLERPLASSTOR s. I had enough nightmares last night about BLKPEBBS. The prospect of tonight's slumbers being ravaged by some kind of raptors from Jurassic Park is too much to bear.

kazzah60 wrote: »

so thank you for a wonderful thread - I think you have had some wonderful help from fellow MSE'rs
and I applaud you for a truly funny thread
karen

It wasn't meant to be. It's serious. Yes, the help from everyone has been wonderful, but what with this and another thread I misguidedly started last night, I'm beginning to regret the way my problems with black pebbles and jars of marmalade are the cause of so much hilarity. But sincere thanks nonetheless, karen, and I'll have two tombola tickets if that's OK? (By the way, I have some garden enhancement materials as possible prizes?)

westiea wrote: »

Laughed so long and hard that my Tena sample was severely tested!

Not as much as your eyesight would be if buying BLKPEBBS at £7.48p a bag in B&Q. Seriously though, this is no laughing matter. As to your otherwise constructive advice, sincere thanks: I'm trying to follow it, as explained in a bit.

rugbymum wrote: »

Dear PhylPho
I am posting to remind you that the two nurses supplied by the agency are there in a NURSING capacity. The fact that you requested "the special outfits", indicates to me that you may have some sort of "Benny Hill" type fantasy. Attempting to chase aforementioned nurses will aggravate any existing heart conditions caused by extreme "BLKPEBBS at £7.49 a bag" syndrome, which, as you know, can only be cured by Customer Services at B&Q.
RM (odd shaped balls only, ta!)

Look dear rugbymum.

Had I entertained any Benny Hill fantasies, they were quickly confounded when the nurses you sent turned out to be male. Neither glamorous nor clued up, they thought they were dealing with a medical condition, so wished to examine my pebbles to see how black they might be, and whether it was just one or both.

When I explained they were still where I'd left them, overnight in the garden, they said something about it all being too late for ice-packs then. To add to the mystification, they wanted to take me to the local infirmary, when as anyone with half a brain would know my complaint is treatable only at the local B&Q. So they left, one of them saying it was some kind of miracle I was still alive, this presumably being the diagnosis meted out to anyone who shops at B&Q.

hartcjhart wrote: »

errmm excuse me can you get the facts right before you come in here making accusations,

they are BLKPEBBS 7.48 a bag

NOT

BLKPEBBS 7.49 a bag

I cannot thank you enough. Coping with pebbles that change colour is bad enough, coping with pebbles that also change prices might conceivably prove terminal.

rugbymum wrote: »

I mistakenly assumed it was BLKPEBBS at £7.49 a bag syndrome, but as it's an advanced case of BLKPEBBS at £7.48 a bag, then I would take Dairmud Gavin with you, along with Mr Tichmarsh when you go for treatment at B&Q. A second opinion usually works wonders!

Dairmud's been, thank you very much. All he seemed to want to talk about was exhibiting me at Chelsea. I really don't think that's a good idea, I'm just trying to get my £7.48p back, as well as -- possibly --my life.

Now, as to the BLKPEBBS at £7.48:

(1) I have today received yet another email addressed to Not_Colour_Blind from B&Q. It confirms that my review of the aforesaid builder's rubble is still "awaiting moderation". I am beginning to worry about the way B&Q moderates things. First it's the pebbles they sell. Now it's the reviews they receive. If, as now seems likely, my review appears in the form of a sustained paean of praise to B&Q, then it's a complete load of pebbles.

(2) Taking BLKPEBBS at £7.48 a bag back to the Infirmary. Sorry, to B&Q. Mrs P helped me into the back garden this morning and whilst I leaned against the shed for support, she messed about so long in the garage to find the gardening shovel and rake -- why aren't they in the bloody shed anyway? -- it started raining. Unable to move on account of yesterday's exertions, I was as drowned by the cloud burst as I was by the hosepipe.

(3) Much, much worse however, was that when Mrs P did eventually return, she ignored my plight on account of something else:

(4) The BLKPEBBS were BLK. Seriously black. Much blacker than when I'd wet 'em with the hosepipe yesterday. They were so BLK, in fact, and so wet, that it was obvious that even if we could find a boat to launch, there was no point in sailing down to B&Q. 'You'll have to leave it until they're dry,' said Mrs P. And helped me back indoors.

(5) Three hours later. Still raining. BLKPEBBS still BLK. I decided to overcome my physical discomfort and race out into the garden, grab a handful of stones, and bring 'em indoors to dry them grey. So I did and slipped on the grass and that's another dislocation or fracture somewhere, but grabbed a handful anyway and came back in and put them on the platter in the microwave and pressed start and after 20 seconds there was a very loud sizzling noise and the microwave went dead.

(6) Mrs P was unaware of this weird coincidence of a equipment failure and pebble installation so I got the pebbles --now, thankfully, grey -- and chucked 'em back in the garden, where the rain made them go black again.

(7) I was unable to post here this morning due to having to read, somewhat furtively, 204 incomprehensible pages of the Panasonic Microwave Oven User Manual. Alan Titmarsh, who rolled up later than expected, was no use at all: heating steaks on a BBQ, not B&Q rubble in a microwave, seemed to be his speciality. So I sent him home.

Finally. . .

(1) The position now is that I have managed to re-set the microwave and it's working again although the clock won't move from 23:23. I'll never buy Japanese again.

(2) It's rained all day and the pebbles are still out there and still BLK.

(3) Fortunately, the weather forecast for tomorrow says there'll be sunshine. Unfortunately, it says it will be freezing. Whilst this doesn't surprise me -- we live not far from Hadrian's Wall, though God knows he never had as much trouble with rubble as I'm having -- I'm wondering if the pebbles that have turned black will now develop a crystalline finish such as to protect the colour.

If so, then the chances of me ever seeing my £7.48p again are getting increasingly remote. But if so, then Mrs P is going to load me into the car tomorrow -- possibly, stretched out on the roof rack -- and we'll go down to B&Q around lunchtime.

Will update then. Meantime, sincere thanks, again, to everyone. :beer:

PhylPho

hartcjhart wrote: »

here you are OP,
a bit of therapy for you

Oh, wonderful. . . Many, many thanks. This is probably the most romantic vision I've ever encountered. <sob>

hartcjhart

good job you said 'possibly' otherwise your good lady might of found another way of getting the BLKPEBBS7.48 a bag back to B&Q:eek::eek:

kazzah60

phylpho
I have put your two tombola tickets to one side - I shall ensure that any prizes you win from
the tombola table are small and portable and do not need to be stored in 5LT LGECLERPLASSTOR
for onward journey to your home near Hadrians wall

now for my entertainment this evening - please , if you are not in too much pain, could you forward a link
to the other thread you mentioned starting last night?
Karen

PhylPho

kazzah60 wrote: »

phylpho
now for my entertainment this evening - please , if you are not in too much pain, could you forward a link
to the other thread you mentioned starting last night?
Karen

karen -- I'm in the middle of a dinn er party with people from Intensive Care and BBC Gardeners' World (oh all right, theneighbours) so in haste, it's the one about what men stick in their marmalade last night on the home & play, moneysaving in marriage section. sorry, not what men did with marmalade jars last night, the thread was last night, i,m finding the red wine isnt realyl going with my medicatiion right now