Smoking....

ailuro2

While your mother does inspire sympathy, no-one seems to be saying much about your situation - what we have here is someone who is 29 weeks pregnant with their third child, the oldest child has special needs, she is trying to work and look after her family as best she can, and is struggling to do the right thing for her kids without breaking down the relationship she has with her mother.

Then the OP goes on to tell us she was looked after a lot by her GM because her own parents were out on the sauce 4 nights a week.

The OP has a very big heart to still want to visit her mother after the treatment she's had, I take my hat off.

Unlike her mother she wants to do what's best for her kids, in my mind that means no compromise for the mother. While she has had plenty of chances to cut back on the drink and use the help her GP has offered, she still insists on ignoring all advice.

The OP's kids, onthe other hand, have had no choice in whether they want to sit in Granny's nicotine stained home and be scrubbed from head to toe when they get home.;)

It's our job to do the best for our kids, first and foremost. The OP#s mother didn't do that even before she lost her partner, so I'm sorry, but for this reason, if it were me, she'd not be top of the list for consideration when it came to looking after my kids best interests.

OP - go and visit her on your own one week, then have her over to yours to visit the kids the next week. If she refuses to come with you in your car, then tell her your kids health comes first ( invent a night time cough and suspected asthma if it makes it easier) and that they won't be coming to visit her in her flat anymore.

Sorry to be so blunt, it's a shame you're caught in this situation.
I remember visiting my gran's, she smoked like a chimney, we used to have to change the nets and curtains in her house for her about once a month they got covered in nicotine so quickly, but she couldn't manage to do it herself ( though she could get into town to buy fags by the carton because they were cheaper there:p) She also hit the drink after my grandfather died, we used to get sent to stay with her to keep an eye on her, she'd stumble about and break things then blame it on us!!:eek: We were 9 and 12, so older than your kids, not likely to break anything at all. I can still remember the smell of her house, it would hit you as soon as the door opened.

rugbymum

ailuro2 wrote: »

While your mother does inspire sympathy, no-one seems to be saying much about your situation - what we have here is someone who is 29 weeks pregnant with their third child, the oldest child has special needs, she is trying to work and look after her family as best she can, and is struggling to do the right thing for her kids without breaking down the relationship she has with her mother.

Then the OP goes on to tell us she was looked after a lot by her GM because her own parents were out on the sauce 4 nights a week.

The OP has a very big heart to still want to visit her mother after the treatment she's had, I take my hat off.

Unlike her mother she wants to do what's best for her kids, in my mind that means no compromise for the mother. While she has had plenty of chances to cut back on the drink and use the help her GP has offered, she still insists on ignoring all advice.

The OP's kids, onthe other hand, have had no choice in whether they want to sit in Granny's nicotine stained home and be scrubbed from head to toe when they get home.;)

It's our job to do the best for our kids, first and foremost. The OP#s mother didn't do that even before she lost her partner, so I'm sorry, but for this reason, if it were me, she'd not be top of the list for consideration when it came to looking after my kids best interests.

OP - go and visit her on your own one week, then have her over to yours to visit the kids the next week. If she refuses to come with you in your car, then tell her your kids health comes first ( invent a night time cough and suspected asthma if it makes it easier) and that they won't be coming to visit her in her flat anymore.

Sorry to be so blunt, it's a shame you're caught in this situation.
I remember visiting my gran's, she smoked like a chimney, we used to have to change the nets and curtains in her house for her about once a month they got covered in nicotine so quickly, but she couldn't manage to do it herself ( though she could get into town to buy fags by the carton because they were cheaper there:p) She also hit the drink after my grandfather died, we used to get sent to stay with her to keep an eye on her, she'd stumble about and break things then blame it on us!!:eek: We were 9 and 12, so older than your kids, not likely to break anything at all. I can still remember the smell of her house, it would hit you as soon as the door opened.

Thanks for this post.
You're absolutely right. Despite mentioning it several times, not only is OP pregnant, but she has an Autistic child to deal with. :eek:
I, like many others charged in!
I do hope my suggestion of going there on your own DID filter through though.
OP, echoing what has been said in this post, although you love your Mum, you need to put yourself and the children first.
At the end of the day no matter how ill (mental health & addiction issues) your mum is, SHE is the one who needs to make the decision to change her behaviour.
In the meantime. Relax and try not to stress yourself too much.