Boyfriend Been Reported

millym

OP, try not to worry too much - a long as you can prove that you pay rent etc for your own place, I can't see there being much of a problem. It might be an idea for your BF to take all your paperwork to the DWP sooner rather than later, then they will soon realise that everything is above board and leave your BF alone.

As to how many nights you spend there, there is no set rule, no set number of nights. Years ago, my ex husband had to stay at mine virtually 7 nights a week, for a very long time, as he was my main carer and this was never queried, which I found quite surprising.

Jowo_2

Remember that the DWP/council have to prove an allegation - they are the ones that need to provide proof and evidence. Since the allegation is baseless, yes they'll have to go through the motions of investigating it, but since it is groundless they cannot proceed past this stage.

Just keep good records yourself to help rebutt this.

Get your BF to report the stalker to the police or get legal advice about taking out an injunction if it escalates past petty gestures into sustained harassment or criminal acts.

Oldernotwiser

ultimatedingbat wrote: »

@Oldernotwiser - Not meaning to be rude but why should he have to come here all the time? Shouldn't I be allowed to get away from my home. In honesty it makes things difficult sometimes him being here for personal reasons as I have a housemate. When we're at his place its much more private. He also has a dog which he has to look after so he can't always find someone to watch the dog.

I wasn't suggesting that he should come to you all the time but that possibly your spending every weekend at his place was exacerbating the problem.

It just seems a bit one sided that you, who are at university and have (if I remember correctly) a very active life there is the one who has to do all the travelling, while you're unemployed BF sits tight and waits for you to come to him.

Eeyore2009

Did your bf tell them he wasent single?

ultimatedingbat

Oldernotwiser - He does come to me. We see each other approximatly once a fortnight. He comes to me once I go to him once. Over the summer this was different as I had my car and did not want to be anywhere near my home so I used to drive to his most weekends to get away from my folks. He didn;'t come to mine often as my folks were not the most welcoming to him and it made thngs difficult to start with.
I spend I think one weekend a month there now, maybe 2 depending on how things fall.

Jowo - Currently he is in the process of reporting her. She has sent him love letters and must be watching us as she keeps looking out for me arriving and going. to be honest the lady creeps me out!!

Eeyore2009 - Tell who? His neighbours or the DWP/Council? The council may know he isn't single since I have been there twice when they have called round to do some repairs on his place. He's also used my phone before to call them as he has no working phone at the moment. His neighbours worked it out when they saw me going there and we have never hidden our relationship. DWP he never told them he wasn't single.

Kimitatsu

Has he reported his stalker to the police? Honestly if he hasnt then he needs to - and today!

Does he have a support worker at all? If he does then it would be worth getting them involved, as he has difficulty reading and writing, and not wishing to be insulting but you cant do a great deal from 50 miles away and worried!

If he doesnt have a support worker then he needs to go to the CAB and get help from them, they will help him write letters and refer him to an advocacy service or a solicitor who will be able to help. Reading between the lines from what you have said he will come under the heading of a vulnerable person, and once the DWP are made aware of this then they will understand you being there to help out now and then. As for the complaint that you were living together - as far as I can see it wont even get as far as the compliance officer as you both patently DONT live together. You do not eat the majority of meals together, you dont have undue amounts of clothing there, you dont contribute to his household financially (there are more, but as you dont do any of those then I cant see it happening)

Best thing to do as Jowo has said is to keep your cool, document everything (that can be as simple as a diary) and try not to worry. Get your boyfriend some support for when you are not there, lots can happen in a fortnight and it will take some of the stress off you.

Jowo_2

ultimatedingbat wrote: »

...Jowo - Currently he is in the process of reporting her. She has sent him love letters and must be watching us as she keeps looking out for me arriving and going. to be honest the lady creeps me out!!

.

to be honest, and not that I'm legally qualified so it's just an opinion, I'm not sure that love letters are classed as criminal harassment, nor looking out of the window.

Take some control back from the intrusion and boldly wave towards her windows as you enter and exit his property!

Oldernotwiser

ultimatedingbat wrote: »

Oldernotwiser - He does come to me. We see each other approximatly once a fortnight. He comes to me once I go to him once. Over the summer this was different as I had my car and did not want to be anywhere near my home so I used to drive to his most weekends to get away from my folks. He didn;'t come to mine often as my folks were not the most welcoming to him and it made thngs difficult to start with.
I spend I think one weekend a month there now, maybe 2 depending on how things fall.

I apologise, I must have misunderstood. I thought you stayed at his place every weekend.

Edit. Your first post certainly implied every weekend so it's good that you've clarified that

UnderPressure

You know op I have to say and your not going to like this one bit, but I feell someone has to say it.............................

Are you sure this guy is right for you? You sound like a nice level headed girl at University trying her hardest to make something of her life, your boyfriend on the other hand although he has his problems sound completely the opposite.

Have you ever heard the expression as different as chalk and cheese? I think it applies quite well in this case.

The thing that concerns me the most is your disregard for your parents opinion, parents only tend to have an opinion on things that matter and they have a really nasty habit of being proved right in the end........

Tread carefully, this guy on the face of things does not sound ideal for you or your busy lifestyle I know I know you cannot choose who you fall in love with but you can choose wether or not you do anything about it!

Think about your future carefully, you only get one shot at being young take it from someone who messed it up

All the best and at the end f the day this is his problem not yours it is down to him to get off his posteria and go and sort it out, you concentrate on what is important your education

sunnyone

Not to do with this thread ultimatedingbat but has he look at adult literacy classes in his area?

Things have changed a lot in the last few years and he will get all the help he needs to learn at his own pace (with his own advisor one to one if thats what he needs), being unable to read and write to a decent standard will really hinder in his search for work and the type of jobs/wages that he can even apply for.