Advice Needed Re Elderley Next Door Neighbour

joanne0620

Might be a bit long this but here goes!
DH & I have lived in our house for just over 3 years, all our neighbours are either older than us or families with children (our 1st is due in 2 weeks! :eek: )

Myself & my neighbour who lives directly to my left (lets call her Mrs S) have great concerns regarding the neighbour directly to my right (Miss T).

Miss T is 83 years of age and lives alone, has no family or relatives that we know of, she has lived in the house since it was built and lived there previously with her mother who died about 10 years ago. To be blunt Mrs S and I do not think that Miss T can look after herself properly anymore, she asked DH to open a bleach bottle for her a few weeks ago and she walked down her path with her tights round her ankles (these tights were so full of holes and so filthy they were not worth wearing, the skirt she had on had no back in at and she had no underwear on!:eek: ) The clothes that she wears in general are nothing more than rags. She has no central heating in her house, she came to the door in winter last year in about 10 layers of clothing, she has told me that she cannot get up the stairs anymore, we think that she is sleeping in the kitchen and have no idea what she does if she needs the toilet.

So Mrs S and I have contacted Social Services on numerous occasions trying to get help for her or someone to at least go round and talk to her but it is like trying to get blood out of a stone! I am aware that they have to be careful and I assume that they cannot just force themselves into someones life but Mrs S and I are really worried. I have offered to get shopping for her, DH & I have offered to do her garden for her (it's like a jungle!), she never puts any rubbish out so we are assuming (very possibly incorrectly) that rubbish is piling up inside the house and as we live in a terraced street we are concerened that this is a fire hazard. We also go days without seeing her and the only way we know she is still alive is that she puts a piece of cardboard up at the kitchen window at night and takes it down in the mornings! All it would take is for her to fall and break her hip and she couold be there for days and no-one would know. Social Services have said they will send someone round "within the fortnight". Are there any other organisations I can speak to to try and get her some help?

Thanks if you made it this far! :T

bulchy

This sounds terrible, poor woman, it would break my heart living next door to someone like this. What about Help The Aged? Maybe you could ask them how you could go about getting someone to talk to her to see if she would accept help. It must be so worrying for you living next door, but not being able to offer some help without seeming like your interfering. Good luck. I'm sorry I cant suggest anything else.
Sue

joanne0620

Thats the thing, I could never forgive myself if anything happened to her and I hadn't at least tried to get her some help. I will try Help The Aged on Monday, I think they have an office in out town centre.

WeirdoMagnet

That's really sad. It's awful to think that there is no family looking out for her. My OHs granny has just been diagnosed with alzheimers, and although her and Grandpa have lots of help from my MIL, the doctor still referred her to Social Services and she now has help getting dressed in the morning. They're in Newcastle, so perhaps it's a postcode lottery. Be persistent - give SS another call. Maybe if you could find out her GP they could help?

Well done for being so caring.

deaththecat

Just spoken to a friend of mine who happens to be an Elderly Care Social Worker and she was adamant that the response you received i.e. send someone whithin a fortnight, was completely unexceptable.
She said they have procedures in place so that a person in your neighbours position would be seen the next day. They have a social worker on duty just for this kind of referral.
She suggested calling them again first thing Monday morning, making it clear again how concerned you are and asking to speak to a manager if you don't get the proper response.
She also said a few other things but some were a bit rude.

twink

oh that ust sounds like what my neighbour and i have been up against re our 87 yr old neighbour, countless times we have spoken to drs and social worker and got nowhere, i dont think they seem to care if there are no family to speak up for them, luckily a grand niece appeared and has managed to get some help but as neighbours we were getting nowhere fast, she now has meals on wheels three times a week and a carer pops in short while at night
a lot of these old people are very independant and will turn away offers of help, is there a local church minister who might visit and know who to talk to

Anniek1969

It's really nice to know that there are some good hearted people out there, I think you should try age concern they have a helpline which is open 7 days a week until 7pm. I would like to think that if I or any relative of mine was ever in her position that a good neighbour like yourself would be looking out for me.

I had a man who lived above me for 30 years and had only ever seen him on a handful of occasions and this was only in the past 2 years. I would hear him moving around in the morning as his living room was above my bedroom and earlier this year he had a very bad cough, I could hear him coughing every morning for about a week. I hadn't heard him moving around for a couple of days and told my DH this and he said he had maybe taken to bed with the cough that he had. Later that day the police broke his door down after another neighbour hadn't seen him for a couple of days and sadly they found him lying on his bedroom floor, he had been dead for a couple of days.

What really annoyed me was the man next door to him said that he heard him every morning going to the shops at 9am exactly and hadn't heard him for the last week, he also washes his windows for him and hadn't heard him move around or saw him when he was doing the windows. I can't understand why he didn't try to get into the house sooner. The man lived alone and as far as we all knew he had no family but when the police looked into it he had 2 nephews who lived 10 mins away and of course only showed face after the funeral to help the council clear the house out.

I think you should follow your instincts and contact age concern or help the aged, you could well be right about her keeping her rubbish as a lot of old people tend to do this when they start going senile. It's sad that there doesn't seem to be a lot of help around for old people and that you will have to wait 2 weeks for social services but all you can do is set the wheels in motion and keep an eye on her until they sort it out.

We need more concerned neighbours like you, we're all going to be old some day and might need someone to look out for us.

helen_vasey

It is so nice in this day and age that people still care about their neighbours:A , I was also going to suggest that you contact age concern. we have an old gent in our cul-de sac, and we all look out for him, however we have had 3 lots of new people move in and not one of them gives anybody the time of day! why on earth did they choose a small, friendly street like ours then?:mad: I have given up speaking to any of them as they have completely blanked us.

ailuro2

good luck , and blessings on you and Mrs S for being so kind hearted!

I do hope you get somewhere soon, she does sound like she needs assistance.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I agree with deathcats post. You're going to have to lean on social services very hard and make them understand that you believe the lady is at risk of harm because she is neglecting herself, as she cannot use the toilet upstairs and has no insight into the fact that whatever toilet arrangements she has are inadequate.
You're in Manchester - someone should be out immediately, that's the protocol. Impress on them that you feel your neighbour is in crisis.
Hope this helps, it's a b*****er, we all know that if it was a dog that was at risk of harm the RSPCA would be round within the hour !

the_other_mce

Hello, it s really kind of you to be concerned about your neighbour - not many would be these days.I know that social services often need a referral for situations like this as they don't just go barging in uninvited. Do you know ( or can you find out) who her doctor/district nurse is? If so you could speak to them, explain the situation and ask them to make a referral to social services. Alternatively you could make a referral to the mental health team ( who are quite separate to social services and work for the NHS- not the council) who will then liaise with the social services team for the elderly. You may need to keep the pressure on, and try to send info by email etc so there is a record. Also you could try phoning social services duty team and simply telling them that YOU wish to make a referral. Good luck to you and your neighbour - it's people like you that make a BIG difference in this country and I wish there were more people like you.