Its tough, it will get better and guess what its freezing brrrrr!

greent

Mrs_Veg_Plot wrote: »

Having finally owned up to owing up to £20k on cc's (have remortgaged to sort that out), and me cuting up the cc's OH is already back in debt to the tune of £300 on his bank account :mad: as he did not finish paying off one of the cc's because he was waiting for an overpayment cheque from another one to clear it with. I thought that he had finally agreed that he would be honest about money but it feels like I am fighting a loosing battle. Luckily we have the £300 to pay off the debt and he is in town this morning closing the account. He asked me to take charge of the finances to stop him running up anymore debt but it is very difficult when he's not being honest.
Part of the problem is he is depressed but will not recognise it. He has been suffering on and off for the last three years since his dad died. He will not see anyone about it. Even the kids 14/17 have asked why dad is so sad.
All I can do is support him but even though I love him as much as I do it is very difficult not to get angry with him sometimes.

.

my OH has been depressed on and off (mainly on!) for years now - at least the 5 years that we've been living in this house. He ran up about £8k on cards a few years ago (quite a bit on certain 'sites' :mad:) Thankfully it's all cleared now and he has one card that is cleared each month - I open the bill and pay it, so I can see where the money has gone... It took my OH several years to recognise that he was depressed - and another couple to do something about it himself (rather than think that somone ('the system') should do something for him)

It IS so hard living with a depressed person who won't admit it (and still hard when they do! ) You have my sympathy - and ((hugs)) x

greent

ceridwen wrote: »

(Exit stage left...dreaming about being able to do the type of work that I would do voluntarily if I had the time...........). It IS really really annoying that some people tell others "You obviously dont WANT to work" - when...yes...some of us really really DO want to...but its not financially possible to do any work of our choice......grrr...

When my OH was made redundant for the 2nd time in 7 months (a year ago) he was turned down straight off for so many jobs - employers wouldn't touch him because he would have been taking a pay cut of £30k ish - and they said he wouldn't stay. However, what wasnt factored in was that a lot of these jobs were very local (< 10 miles, some even less and cyclable), less stress etc. His previous job was based in London and Birmingham - so he had horrendous commuting fees and a long journey travel time and with4 kids a work-life balance was worth the pay cut - and the actual cut wasn't as much as 30k because of the decreased travel costs for train/ wear and tear on car etc. He just didn't get a look in on anything. God knows it would have been even worse if he'd tried to go outside of his profession/ qualifications

He's now self employed - and will have an annual income this financial year of about £23k - even less than those jobs that wouldn't touch him as they paid 'too little' (according to them - but they were still in the higher rate tax band....) But that's a workable amount for us (I earn a little bit but way not enough to pay any tax) I can understand wher the potential employers were coming from, but he wasn't getting any better offers!! (Nor were there really many jobs that paid higher to apply for !)

gailey_2

Ahh 3rd time lucky laptop keeps crashing!
Im so sick of mums bragging on mums forums how many gadgets their kids have at 6/7 or how much they will spend each child become bragging , distasteful and insensitive when lots are struggling yet I feel sad that some people go ott get into debt or try buy their kids love.

Im still reeling that hubbys ex has pressured him into buying son an x box,
he has a pc, ipod, ds, playstation 2 and his stepdad who lives in same house has x box why hell does he need 2.
Learnt awhile back sadly wheres he concerned the more we get him the more he demands and nothing we but makes him happy.

Hoping our kids know value, wont be spoilt and will apprecaite what they have.

set 50pound limit for both my girls but 14month old may get slightly less.
got 42nd hand presents 25quid,making blanket and cuddly toy, maybe get few clothes and 1/2new but cheap toy.s

4half year old luckily not too demanding and always seems greatful for what she gets.

Thinking back to my childhood divorced parents, 90s recession we knew not to expect too much, however back then there maybe wasent the pressure of gadgets and internet still do miss my sega mega drive!
My mam said tonight were were both so good although younger sis been more spoilt and demanding in later life.

Whilst walking round supermarket, seeing adverts and other shops theres huge pressure to spend more than you have and buy more than you need in order to create the perfect xmas.
This in turn makes people who are stuggling feel stressed, emabaresed, guilty and bit down which is sad but we compare to those around us.

I did intend to save some money for xmas and points but when we were really skint we spent on food.

I intended to make more but last few months pregnancy really set me back maybe better luck nextyear.I intend to make as much as I can last min and make most of what we have.

Been thinking years gone by what things we did buy could I make instead.
Also we sometimes a brought too much.
We havent had turkey in last 2years but go over aunts xmas nite and have turkey there so not all bad.

I had an idea from the debate on this mornings wright stuff rudolph stew do you think its mad. apparently lids selling pack steaks for 5.99 alwasy wanted to try deer and similar I guess and cheaper or is it os too far and bit mean?
Would anyone else buy and eat it?

Going to try go less ott this year on dec shop.
Make my own partyfayre
less cheese and wine due to preg so savings there.
moderate supply of choc and pop.
nuts and satsumas.

Trying not to get too stressed about xmas despite by disorganisation this year.

Things im looking foward too is

eldests nativity
making gingerbread men
helping out few charities.
taking eldest for 1st church service
taking kids to see santa
hopefully hubbys taking eldest outdoor iceskating
making cheap xmas decorations
making mince pies
watching chesy xmas movies on sky.
possibly xmas markets in bath as mam wants to go.
there little faces of exitement xmas day no matter what the value or amount.
A day off cooking hubby does xmas day bless him.
picking the tree get fresh every year and decorating it become family tradition.

Brought prima today for 1st time xmas edition love it full of hm cheap xmas idea, recipies and people who talk sense quite inspired to start more baking and dust off sewing machine. Think im getting old was looking at wi today.
seems being os quite trendy these days.

won 2pound on scratchcard maybe my lucks changing.
made lovley chicken soup.
took baby to baby gym she loved it.
washed daughters hair 1st school photo tommorow.

Im bit nervous about tommorow as got 20week scan.
Also was hoping we find out of hubbys got job tue/wed they been so slow not sure what to do if dont get this one theres so little out there.

Eldests got cold and cough but refuses medicine.
still got make het nativity costume rc primary taking very seriously so many rehearsals its like westend production.
helping out at school panto sat and dragging sister along as mams babysitting youngest.

Hubby seeing son sunday for another day trip but daughters not welcome he wants alone time!

Watched giles and sue tonight made me chuckle lots really enjoying it this weeks better than last.

Quite like piggies might have to take girls to farmshop soon as havent fed the piggies in ages.

Been invited to jaimie oliver party this week not sure if should go as normally involves shopping but dident go to last one..

lindyloo you sound much more organised than me well done.

Was thinking how could adapt twinks with melted choc on top and give as presents.
as value sainburys is 30p a bar.

discovered sainburys pricematching tesco on value baby products so wipes are 17p, babylotion, babybath and shampoo 11p each so intend to buy years supply.

kidcat

What I spend depends very much on what is needed, last year DS12 started high school and it was essential he have a laptop for school work, so he got a laptop which is more than I really wanted to spend - Dell Outlet special offer. The year DD started high school again we had to buy her a laptop. This year we will spend less as they dont need anything so expensive, but as DD laptop is getting old now I expect that next Christmas she will need a new one (this one has been rebuilt a few times - but repairman said last time it wasnt worth repairing any more).
I am also attempting to rein in my parents spending on the kids this year too, last two years they have spent way more than I have on the kids and its usually stuff that wont be used. This year they asked for ideas and I gave them a suggestion for each of the kids that was £50 each, dad has hinted at buying other stuff but I have asked him to put money in the kids accounts instead. Pointing out that moving last time was hell and I really want less stuff to move with not more.

Is anyone else feeling really low and down today? Have felt really weepy and assumed it was me, but my DD16 boyfriend has just said that there were girls in his class all crying at points during the day and that he saw a teacher sit in her car and cry after school.

Fruball

bluebag wrote: »

OMG!!! I've just made twinx for the first time. Is there a twinx re-hab sort of priory place??
It's caused a scrum in the kitchen.

I've not dared to make them yet... but feel the time is a'comin

kidcat

Gailey - when I was in Lidl last week t he manager was waiting for delivery of special meats as he called it, he said they were getting springbok, ostrich, venison and kangaroo too. From what he said about prices I thought it sounded much more expensive than say chicken per kg.

Charis

kidcat wrote: »

Is anyone else feeling really low and down today? Have felt really weepy and assumed it was me, but my DD16 boyfriend has just said that there were girls in his class all crying at points during the day and that he saw a teacher sit in her car and cry after school.

How odd, I was feeling close to tears tonight for no reason at all really and it's very unlike me. Fortunately it soon passed.

Fruball

seasalt wrote: »

Surely, surely I can't be the only one whose teenage children (age15) don't as a rule get anything like that amount of money for their Christmas or birthdays. We are giving ours £50 each (ditto DD1 and am making DGS a quilt) and will spend roughly another £20 each on bits and pieces. They will add our dosh to what they get from grandparents, aunts and uncles etc and DD will probably end up with a sizeable chunk towards the iP*d nan* she wants but will have to make up the difference from her earnings. DS is saving up for a decent fiddle so that's where most of his money will go. Yes it would be lovely to be able to spend a bit more but neither of them have complained it is too little - in fact, they have quite enjoyed working out what they want to put their money towards and how far they can stretch it!

For the last few years the ex and I were together we spent about £60 on the teenage boys, and much less on the babies. They got other bits and bobs from extended family and they never complained or thought they were hard done by.

I cannot believe how much some people spend on Christmas for their kids :eek: It will never happen here... even if I won the lottery!

I was lucky enough to take a few months out this year and took the DDs abroad for 4 months for us all to experience life abroad. They had their birthdays there and got a little rubber dinghy each which cost the eq of £2.60... and a beautiful cake. They were so happy with those gifts and made good use of them whilst we were there

Its not the money you spend, its how you spend it and making the best of the time you all have together.

This year the girls will get a kids laptop (educational £29 each) plus stocking fillers, Menopoly (sp?), snakes and ladders and maybe a couple of other family games, plus a bit of lego.

DSM is knitting them some clothes for their dollies... and that is more than enough

At 4.5yrs they have discovered Argos catalog and someone (ex's family) has told them that if they WISH... then they will get what they want... DD1 told me today that she wants everything and that if she wishes, she will get it :mad: I explained that if Father Christmas gave everything to her, there would be nothing left for the other children... I said she should wish for 3 things and he would bring what he could... Bless her, she took it on board and wished for 3 things... none of which I had planned But a bit of tweaking (all her wishes were cheapish) then she will get those things.

I cannot imagine spending £1000 on each of my kids :eek: altho I can see how, if you have money at certain times in your life, that you may be drawn into that way of thinking.

Fruball

kidcat wrote: »

Is anyone else feeling really low and down today? Have felt really weepy and assumed it was me, but my DD16 boyfriend has just said that there were girls in his class all crying at points during the day and that he saw a teacher sit in her car and cry after school.

Yep me too, but i though it was just down to family crisis going on atm... Hugs to all xxx

ceridwen

Gintotmelinda wrote: »

hi Ceridwen

I had a word with the singing plasterer today who wasn't much help to be honest....."oh I'd have to see it and you can't price it up until you see the condition of the plaster" etc. :mad:

I suggest that you try and get someone round to look at it then you might have a clearer idea....may be about £800?

Let me know anyway how you get on....are you going to the Birmingham OS meet in January?

Take care

Gintot

Hi

Thank you for that. Nope - i wont be going to the meet - but I hope you enjoy it:)